Broken Wings
by PodSara
Summary: COMPLETE! When a new evil arises, the Fated Children must take matters into their own hands. Things aren't quite what they seem and someone they love might just betray them. Re-edit with new content
1. PrologueLeaving You

**__**

**_BROKEN WINGS_**

_A FFVIII Fan Fiction_

**_Prologue_**

_"Message from Dr. Odine, twenty-four hundred hours, March twenty-nineth. Subject, Lunatic Pandora. Recipient, Laguna Loire, President, Esthar._

_"Good evening, Laguna. I told you I hav newz about ze Lunatic Pandora. Please listen carefully so zat I won't hav to explain zis to you again. It iz very simple if you pay attention, but if I know you, you vill take zis and run vith it. Nosing major has happened, however, I vant you to be avare of somesing zat transpired just zis evening._

_"In all my years of research, I have never encountered a more puzzling or more frustrating find zan ze Lunatic Pandora. It has become such a burden, yet I can't help but obzess about vat powers it holds, and vat it's true secret might be. I lose sleep at night, pondering ze complexity of ze structure, ze immense power vithin it's valls and vat ze possible make up of ze structure might be. It's very existence is my bane, my curse. And now, I am further perplexed by ze event zat occurred at sunset on zis same day as ze full moon presented itself above ze horizon._

_"Ze Pandora has been sealed since zose events two years ago, zose vich caused ze Lunar Cry and sent six young SeeDs into time compression to defeat a future sorceress. As you know, Laguna, I have tried, in vain, to enter ze confounded thing for ze last two years so zat I might further continue my study. I have used every means available to me, and I've failed to succeed._

_"But, just zis evening, ze Pandora came to life. I don't mean zat it moved. I have been unable to move it since it vas returned to me two years ago. I mean, it began to . . . glow. Ze thing began to pulse vith light, to shudder vith electrical energy before my eyes! In all my years of study, it iz ze first time I've seen it do such a thing. It iz clear to me zat something important iz taking place inside, zough I am unsure of vat zat might be._

_"It matters not. Vatever might be afoot, I am certain it vill make for good scientific study. I vill need you to send me money so that I might continue my research. You hav been very stingy vith your money zis year, Laguna, and you and I vill hav to fisticuffs if my demands are not met. _

_"I vill attempt to enter ze Lunatic Pandora in ze morning. I vill update you if I make any progress."_   
  
  


**Chapter 1**

_Leaving You_

I never thought we'd come to this. A relationship two years in the making has crumbled before my eyes in just a few   
short months. We've been busy, sure. Everyone at Garden has. So why is Squall the only one who can't be bothered   
with simple conversation? Why is it still so hard for him to say what's on his mind? That's what makes us able to tolerate the   
constant work and tension we face every day. I can't bear to live without hearing the sound of another soul's voice comment on the weather, or the latest political drama or anything at all. I'd go crazy from the boredom, or silence, or both. It doesn't matter so much what you talk about, its the spending time with one another that is important. Being with others affirms you. It helps you know you're not alone. But Squall, he'd rather bury himself in stacks of paperwork behind his huge mahogany desk than spend time with the people he'd risked his life for, never realizing that they'd risk their lives for him in a heartbeat, should events require such action.   


Squall thinks I'm being a whiny, demanding brat for trying to draw him out of this isolated prison he's created for himself. He doesn't see that he's worse now than the was when we first met. Back then, he had a reason to keep his distance. These last few months, however, it's not fear that he keeps away from us, it's something else. If he'd say to me he needed space, then I'd understand, but he hasn't said anything of the sort. I even asked on one occasion if he needed me to lay off for a while, and his answer was no. So, I don't understand this wall he's built around himself again. After I broke it down, he somehow managed to put it back up once more, and this time, there's no reason for it. I don't understand being shut out in favor of expense reports and accounting ledgers. He could give some of the work to Quistis, or even me, but he won't. And I'm growing tired of being the last person on his list of people to please. I'd gladly take second place, but not last. 

On this chilly March evening, I am struck by how alone I am in his presence. He sits before me at a table, eating a meal I carefully prepared for this occasion, with the hope that he'd relax for once, but still he speaks not a word. He just sits there and eats the plate of seafood and pasta I made with my own hands, without murmuring a single word of appreciation for my hard work. The only sound I can hear is my own heartbeat and his fork as it scrapes against the china as he scoops up one unenthusiastic bite after another. I am all alone here in this office, where the desk sits full of paperwork and the computer screen emits an annoying bluish light, which subsequently ruins the effect of the soft light emanating from the various candles I've placed around the room. I know as soon as I leave here tonight, he'll go back to that desk and to his work without a thought about how much it hurts me to sit here before him, feeling quite alone, even though we're in the same room. 

It's not that we fight. We don't. Well, not often anyway, and even when we do it's never that bad. We make up almost immediately, and things go back to normal. Except that we haven't had a discussion or a difference of opinion about anything in three months. We hardly talk, and when we do, I talk about silly things, anything, just so I don't have to feel alone while I'm with him. Sometimes he will smile at something I've said, but it's always an off-hand smile, as if he were distracted by something more important, and his eyes remain distant, almost as if I'm not really there. I wonder half the time if he even realizes I'm in   
the same room with him. 

"Squall?" I finally say as I put my fork down. My voice seems terribly loud in the quiet of the room. 

He doesn't look up from the notes he reads as he shovels food into his mouth and says, "Hmm?" 

"I'm going to Dollet for the weekend, for the Peacekeeper's conference. It'd be great if you would come along and keep me company." I begin, with the hope that he might pick up on my suggestive tone. 

"Gotta work," he mumbles. 

Always work. Work is the reason we've never ventured into the land of carnal candy. He's too busy and I'm too   
embarrassed to jump him. What's a girl to do? 

"Can't you get away from it for a while?" 

"Rinoa, it's important." Hyne, he's speaking to his plate! Why can't he even look me in the eye when he talks to me? Am I invisible or something? 

"What's so important you can't make time for me?" I ask in a soft voice. I'm hurt that he'd choose paperwork over a chance to finally make love. I'm starting to wonder if I'm so terribly unattractive that he'd sooner be thrown into a pit of vipers than sleep with me. That must be it, for I've tried everything except jumping his bones, and I somehow doubt that would even get his attention. 

He shrugs and continues to eat. So, I'm going to be alone again this weekend. I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up   
anyway. It's not like I really expected him to agree, anyway. Squall Leonhart is going to die a virgin; it's a fact I might as well face. 

Squall has never said he loved me. I have never heard his voice say those three delightful words that I've been waiting so long to hear. I have said them to him, many times, but he never said it back. His face would crinkle up a little when I said it, as if his stomach hurt and he'd change the subject. Finally, I quit saying it. 

I sit back in my chair and watch him, wondering what might be going on inside his head. He's a little tense, yes, but everyone at Garden is, myself included. Lately, Galbadia has been up to their old tricks and we're so busy, we hardly have any more SeeD's to deploy. Still, shouldn't we be making time away from all that? Who can live with continuous battle and frustration over world affairs? Not that Squall has been in the field lately. He's been too busy filling out forms, overseeing budget allotments, approving weapons acquisitions. It never ends. I don't even think he's been to the training center in a couple of months. Hell, I don't even think he's been _outside_ in a while, for that matter. 

His face shows no indication that he even cares I'm here. "What's wrong with you?" I ask, resorting to a pout. 

"Nothing's wrong with me." 

"So tell me what's on your mind, then." I urge, hoping he'll at acknowledge my presence in the room. He shrugs again, and I can't help but be angry. "Squall, why does it always have to be like this with you? Why can't you even have a conversation with me?" 

He throws down his fork. "Because I'm not like you, Rinoa. No matter how hard you try, I'll never be like you." 

I can't take this. I feel like I'm running in circles. This night should have been romantic. A delicious, full moon hung   
in the sky, an endless blanket of stars above the skylight overhead. I lit candles, turned down the lights, put on soft music. I cooked for Hyne's sake! What part of my seduction isn't he picking up on? He's either blind or stupid not to see what I'm trying to do here. 

At the moment, I'm betting on stupid. 

I give him a seething look and leave the table, my food hardly touched. As always, when I'm troubled, I go to the window   
with it's view of the quad below. This is one of the nicer perks of having regular access to the commander's office, this   
window. Lately, it seems every time I come to see him, I end up here. Tonight, though, the bitter tears finally find their   
way down my cheeks as I make an painful, but necessary decision. 

I'm going to leave him. I want a family, a life, a home outside of Garden, and I realize, the way things are now, that will never happen if I stay with Squall Leonhart. So, why don't I just say it? 

I muster up my courage to say what has to be said. "I'm tired," I blurt out to the window, wondering where these words have come from. This was not what I intended to say. 

"So go to bed," he says dully. I hear him push away from the table, but I don't look back. I know where he's going.   
The desk awaits him. How I hate that fucking desk. If I could, I'd burn the hateful thing until it was nothing more than a   
pile of smoldering ashes. 

Normally, girls are jealous of other girls. I'm the only one I know who's jealous of a desk. It's obvious to me, however,   
who his mistress is, and it's not me. 

There was a time when a moment like this called for a serious outpouring of emotion on my part, complete with tears and   
dramatic gestures. There doesn't seem to be much use for that anymore. Not with Squall anyway. He wouldn't hear anything I had to say. He'd say he had work to do and throw in a whatever somewhere along the way, and I would feel no better than before. 

So, I guess it's time to end it. It's not what I want, but it's something that needs to be done, to save us both the trouble later. If he doesn't appreciate or want me, then I need to move on. I deserve more than silence and loneliness. 

This hurts. 

"I meant I was tired of us," I say as I stare out at the moon. "I'm tired of trying to guess what's going on inside your head. I can't read minds, and I'm not going to try to read yours." I am startled by the sound of my voice, at the coldness I hear in my words. I sound so unlike myself, it's as if someone else is speaking in my stead. I find this curious, then chalk it up to my need to speak plainly. 

"What are you saying?" Squall asks and I hear the alarm in his voice. My words have had an effect on him, amazing though it may seem. 

"I don't want to do this anymore," I say. 

What am I doing? Am I really breaking up with him? Is this what I really want? 

"Why can't you understand how hard things are for me? There's so much I want to say to you, but I can't get the words   
out," Squall cries, "I want to be like you and everyone else who can speak freely, but I can't." 

I laugh bitterly. I've heard this speech so many times before that I've grown sick of it.. "You're telling me, you can defeat countless monsters, and even a couple of evil sorceresses, but you can't manage to put a sentence together? There's actually something in this world that the all powerful Squall Leonhart can't conquer? We defeated Omega, for Hyne's sake!" 

"Damn it Rinoa!" He growls, and he slams his fist against the wall. So we're back to this? I love him, but I've grown tired of   
his tortured inner workings. It would be so simple if heed just let go of that crazy phobia of his . . . the one about trusting   
people. Maybe it's not because he's afraid of losing, but because he's merely selfish on the inside. 

Not so long ago, he had opened up to me. It was just after our return from time compression, and he'd bared his soul to me, told me things he would never have dared say before, or to anyone else. He'd been so sweet, so caring then, and I'd felt adored and safe. Where was the Squall who didn't think twice about smiling at me when I got excited? Where was the Squall who'd confessed to dreams of one day having a family and a home by the ocean? 

"It's over between us," I whisper. "I can't wait around for you to figure out your demons anymore. It's killing me." 

I can see his reflection in the window before me. A trick of light has superimposed his image over the face of the luscious   
moon. His face is pale and stunned, his body tense and motionless. Have I had any affect on him? I can't tell. 

Reflections are funny things. At this moment, I could swear the face of the moon pulses with radiant, iridescent colors   
around Squall's image, a whirling rainbow of light. For a fleeting second, it appears as though the moon itself has sprouted a pair of luminescent wings, black instead of white, and they spark and surge with an electrical current of some kind. I blink, and the image is gone. Must have been a trick of light, an optical illusion, for the moon is, and has always been a silvery blue in the night sky above us. 

Without a second thought, I reach around behind my neck and unclasp the silver necklace that once belonged to my   
mother. A piece of junk, really, but it's the only thing I have of hers, and since I was young, I've hung various treasures   
from this chain. It once sported an orange plastic ring from a candy machine. Later, a seashell that my first boyfriend   
gave me. And of course, Seifer's ring once hung from this chain too. 

Presently, the ring of Griever hangs from the cheap silver chain. I slip it off and walk to the desk, certain of what I'm about to do, even if it's going to hurt like hell. With a soft toss, the ring arcs through the air, catching the reflection of the candle light. It lands in the center of the desk and spins for a few seconds. We both watch it, mesmerized by it's silver gleam. The sound it makes as it spins upon the polished wood is strange and mechanical. And then it stops. 

My eyes fill with tears, as I feel something break loose inside me. Hyne, do I really have the strength to leave him? If I don't, I'll just end up feeling like this, again and again until I fall apart. I don't see any future in staying, for I'd just be lonely and unhappy if I did. 

"Rinoa," he says softly as he approaches me. His eyes plead with me. "Don't do this." 

"I have to," I say, holding back a river's worth of tears. "I just can't do this anymore." 

"I'm sorry." His voice is a hoarse whisper in the dim room. I have to fight back the urge to run to him, cover his face with   
kisses and beg his forgiveness. "I didn't mean to drive you away." 

Hyne, This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I have to get out of here before I buckle like a capsized ship. The pressure of his wounded gaze will surely break me down, and then I'll be back where I started. 

I hurry to the door, reach for the knob, and the tears spill down my cheeks, warm and salty. They burn my pale, tender skin   
like acid. For a second, I can't make my hand turn the knob. 

"Rinoa, I can't . . . I can't . . . live with out you." He sounds as broken as I feel. I want to look back at him, but I can't. I   
don't want to see the way he looks now that I've broken his heart. I don't want him to see the way I look either, for my heart is as broken as his. Knowing that he feels this way isn't helping the situation at all. 

Wait~ 

Isn't that enough? Isn't this what I've wanted to know all along? 

Somehow, it doesn't make a difference to know how he feels, when in the end, work is always first and foremost in his life, with our relationship dead last on his list of priorities. 

"You're going to have to," I reply coldly, though inside I'm screaming at myself to reconsider. Without another word, I   
turn the knob and close the door behind me. The sound it makes as the latch catches sounds so final. 

And now, there's no going back.   
  
  
  
  


##########################

This is all my fault. I don't blame Rinoa for leaving me, hell, I'd leave myself if I had the chance. She's given me so much time, too much maybe, to sort myself out, but I still can't seem to say what I mean. There's so much I want to say to her, so many things I want to express, but I can't. I love her. I've loved her from the minute I saw her, even though she rubbed my nerves raw back then. I'd do anything I could to keep her in my life, but it seems I've screwed up, and this time, I don't think she'll forgive me. I never wanted her to leave me, I never wanted to drive her away, but it seems I have. 

I wanted to tell her so badly that I love her as she was walking out the door. I don't know why it's so hard. The're just three little words, three words she'd readily given me, yet I can never seem to get them past my throat. 

I'm such an idiot. 

Still, I can't believe what just happened. Did she really say it was over? Sure, I'd expected her to be angry, but not angry enough to say that we're through. That's not how I feel at all! I still want to spend the rest of my life with her, have a family with her some day. Maybe not right away, but some day soon. I don't want to live with out her. I can't stand the thought of not hearing her voice chatter on as she sits in my office, while I'm occupied with some task Headmaster Cid has saddled me with. She keeps me sane, keeps me in touch with the world I'm missing below this office. I guess I never told her that, but she's my connection to the outside world, and I appreciated her visits and attempts to draw me away from my desk. 

It's just that, there's so much responsibility that comes with being a commander. I didn't know that when I took the job, and it doesn't help that as each day goes by, Cid gives me a little more responsibility. By this, I mean, he gives me more work. Lately, it feels like I'm not only the commander, but the headmaster too. 

Rinoa's words sink in, and I'm forced to lean against the edge of the desk to keep from falling to my knees. My stomach is in knots, my eyes fill with hot, angry tears. The ring of Griever sits before me, gleaming in the pale orange light of the candles. It looks so out of place here on the desk, especially when it should still hang around her neck. I'd given that ring to her as a promise that I'd be there for her, always. 

But I messed that up, didn't I? I've neglected her for months, putting everything before her. All the paperwork and meetings, none of them mean anything to me, it's just something I do because it comes with the job. Why couldn't I just put it all aside and do what I really wanted to do? So many times, I've wanted to take her to dinner, or on a weekend trip, only to discover that there is some pressing issue that must be taken care of first. All I've really wanted to do was be with her. Instead, I put the job before her, and expected her to wait around until I had the time. It wasn't fair to her. 

t wouldn't be all that hard to give some of the work to Quistis, who constantly nags me about taking too much upon myself. I could have done that, so why didn't I? 

That little place inside me that used to harbor my rage suddenly grows to the size of Esthar. I can't take being alone again. I don't _want _to be alone ever again. All my life, I've been alone, mostly through my own doing, and here I've done it again. I've driven away the person I need most. How could I not pay attention to her? How could I expect that she'd put up with it? 

I begin to pace the office, feeling trapped, my chest aching and these childish tears streaming down my face, all the while thinking of how bleak my future will be without her. 

I need to break something. 

The desk is my first target. I sweep it clear of all debris, including the T-Rexaur mug Laguna gave me the last time he visited. As it hits the floor, it shatters into a thousand pieces, shards of the cheap ceramic mug spill across the rug. A whirlwind of paper flies through the air, each sheet floating to the floor gracefully, as if they were not mere sheets of paper, but delicate white feathers. This makes me even more angry, for they remind me of her. 

I'm bent on destruction as I vent my rage upon the office that has kept me away from her for so long. I want to stop, I want to break down and cry my eyes out like a child, but I can't. The fury inside is too powerful. I'm trapped in it's grip, unable to stop myself from taking my anger out on inanimate things. The anguish is too great, and I fear if I keep it all inside, I might do something even worse. 

I pick up a chair and hurl it across the room with all my strength. It bounces off the furthest wall and lands with a heavy thud on the wooden floor. I pick up another and it goes in the same manner across the room. This one crashes into a hand crafted, stained glass portrait of Shiva. Multi-colored glass rains down in a waterfall like cascade to the floor, sounding somehow musical against the hard wood parquetry. The chair has become wedged in the lead outlines that remain of the portrait, it's legs sticking out like some kind of freakish monster with it's head caught in a net. 

Senseless, I clear the remains of the delicious meal Rinoa made from the table. The silverware jangles as it hits the floor, the china breaks, the crystal glasses dissolve into nothing more than tiny shards. 

I'm not happy with myself. This display of testosto-angst has gotten me nowhere. Now, not only do I have an empty life, but I've just destroyed my office in a few short minutes. 

Great. It should be fun explaining to Cid why my office looks a little like Timber after the Galbadian invasion. 

So now I've destroyed my office. What else can distract me from thinking about Rinoa? Music. Loud, mindless music. I turn on the stereo, which was a gift from Ellone on my last birthday, and push play. I'm only surprised for a moment when Seifer's voice angrily denounces SeeD and all it stands for. It's still in the player from months before, when we discussed what to do about Seifer's verbal attacks on us. 

Whatever. I don't care what it is, so long as it's loud. All I need is something to drown out the noise inside my head. 

Now exhausted, I have to sit down. My chair is the only thing left standing after my moments of insanity, so I'm forced to sit down behind the desk. It's the last place I want to be, but it's my only option. 

I have accomplished nothing. I worked so hard to get here, to what end? I've become what I was before, except that I don't fight. I'm not just a SeeD anymore. I'm the SeeD commander. Daily, I hold the Garden together- thousands of students and staff, all depending on me to maintain the high standards set forth by Edea when we were all children. Yet, I can't even hold on to a relationship with the woman who means _everything_ to me. I should have resigned my position as commander two years ago. Sure, I'd constantly be away, but at least I'd have an excuse for not spending more time with her. And, my time at home could actually be spent with her, rather than pushing paper all day. 

I don't know how long I've sat here, wallowing in pity for myself. It could be ten minutes, it could be an hour. I don't know. 

Or care. 

"SQUALL!" a male voice yells over the ridiculously loud sounds of Seifer's musical opus. I look up to see Irvine standing in my office doorway looking half amused, half concerned. Irvine is one of those people who, no matter how bad things are or appear to be, never looses hope. There's always this look of amusement on his face, no matter how dire the situation. He's a lot like Selphie in a way. They're both perpetual optimists. 

I don't understand optimism. You get your hopes up, you want the best, then you get knocked down. What's the point? It's easier to hope for nothing so you're pleasantly surprised when you get what you won't even admit to yourself that you want. You can't get hurt if you expect nothing. At least, that's the way I see it. 

"I'm just gonna turn this down a little," Irvine says, his voice thick with a drawl found only in the rural villages near Deling City. His accent has never failed to remind me of an ignorant, dimwitted Galbadian villager. However, I know well that Irvine is far from ignorant. Of all of us, he is by far the most wise and down to earth. I watched him make his way to the stereo and turn the volume down to a tolerable level. 

He favors me with a wry grin. "I see you've redecorated the place. Love the new look." 

Despite myself, I laugh and lean my head against my hands. It's either laugh or cry, and I'm choosing the one that makes me look least like a weenie in front of my comrade. 

"So . . ." Irvine drawls and takes one of the chairs that survived any structural damage and sets it up right. He literally flops in the chair and leans back with his hands behind his head. He's so laid back, it sickens me. Nothing phases him, and I've rarely seen him stress about anything. With one hand he gestures to the room around him. "What's going on?" 

"I fucked up," I say into my hands. 

"What do you mean by that?"__

_Ok, so maybe he is ignorant._

"I lost her, man," I say. I don't want to explain what just happened, least of all to him. He's never had a problem with women, so he probably wouldn't understand. 

"You mean Rinoa?" 

_Yes. Rinoa, you idiot. Who else do I have to lose?_

If I didn't owe Irvine my life, I'd throw him through the window. "It's my fault," I mutter. I can't stop thinking about what I could have done differently. My head is filled with what ifs and could have beens. 

"Well, I hadn't any doubt about that." I give him a look acid enough to peel paint from the walls as I contemplate how much better It'd make me feel to throw him out the window. Head first. 

"Whatever," I mumble and forlornly return my head to my hands. 

"So, what did you do to anger the princess?" 

"The worst thing I could have done." 

"Which is?" 

"Ignore her."   


******************** 

Author's note: 

This is a rewrite of my semi-infamous fan fic, Broken Wings. It's basically the same story, but with some major and minor changes. The story remains pretty much the same, but there are some chapters that are really badly written, and many of them lack enough description, especially the final chapters. I wasn't going to do this until I finished one or more of my ongoing stories, however, I happened to notice that all my quotation marks and apostrophes have been changed to a series of weird symbols, I have to repost. I'm not at all happy about this, but I've been encouraging people to read this story before they read the sequel.....*sighs* 

If you haven't read this story before, I hope you enjoy it! You're getting a better deal than the readers did the first time around,since the revision is a far easier to understand than the original, Plus, there were a lot of things left unexplained in the old, and this one will make certain events and actions much easier to understand. 

A note about the way this is written. The entire thing is in first person, and I've tried very hard to make sure it's clear who the speaker is. Shorter chapters have been consolidated, so there may be one or more speakers in a given chapter. 

If you are reading "Oceans Apart" I regret to say that it will be on hiatus until the problems with this story have been fixed. It won't take too long, so don't go anywhere....please?   
  
Sooo...Please review.....flame..... 


	2. We Are Family

**BROKEN WINGS**

_A FFVIII Fan Fiction_

**Chapter 2**

We Are Family

I awake in the darkness, my body covered in sweat, trembling and fevered. I'm having the dreams again. For a month now, I've had the same horrible nightmares, the kind where I re-live my past sins. Each time, I awake near dawn, covered in sweat, full of a need I can not define if I tried, and shaking from the horror of what I perpetrated against my former comrades. Each time, I see the things I've done, the things I did when I was nearly brainwashed with power. It sickens me to think about it. 

Lately, I've taken to whiskey to deaden the guilt. It doesn't work too well, but it helps to dull the images. Plus, it maintains my image of being a hard ass, all go, no quit mother fucker. It's not easy being Seifer Almasy. Everywhere I go, people know me, and they either claim to worship me, which in itself sickens me, or, they hate my guts and wish me dead. And that's fine with me. Never was much on fair-weather friends. 

I shake off the cobwebs of my night horrors and pull on a pair of boxers. If I lived alone, I'd walk around naked, but I have house mates, namely Raijin and Fujin, and the latter would beat me to a pulp for exposing myself to her. I made this mistake once, and Fujin hit me so hard with her Sai attack, I was brought to my knees, both injured and naked before her. Pretty embarrassing, even for a bad ass like me. 

I brush my teeth and wash my face, to bring me back to my senses. The cold water is startling, but necessary. 

Back in my bedroom, I stare up at Hyperion, which hangs on the wall now. It's been a while since I took it out for a little exercise. Hell, it's been a while since I've exercised period. My life consists of drinking, partying, women and touring with my band, the Disciplinary Committee. Who's got time to be a hero? I've been down that road before, and it ain't all it's cracked up to be. 

"DREAMS?" Fujin asks from the hallway apparently awakened by the water as it ran through the pipes. She has ultra keen hearing, and is easily roused by the slightest sound. It can be quite annoying at times, since I sometimes value being alone, especially following one of these disturbing nightmares. 

"How"d you know about that?" I ask wearily. 

She nods her head. "I KNOW." I can hardly look at her. She's dressed in a filmy night gown that would look sexy on any other woman, but on her, it just seems . . . bizarre. In all the years I've known her, I've never looked at her as a woman. She's always been a buddy to me, and I never considered that there was a feminine side to her. But lately, things have changed, and it's been more than obvious that she is indeed, a woman. I'm always left disturbed after a Fujin in her nightgown sighting. It just seems . . . wrong. 

Fujin and Raijin got married last spring. Let me tell you, it was a helluva wedding. Sure, they had matching rings and vows and all that nonsense, but when they got to the kiss the bride part, instead of locking lips, they whaled on each other for the better part of an hour. Talk about your doomed relationships. I left feeling kind of sick. 

Now, I'm a third wheel. I'm a trash talking fool. I've got no one, really. And I like it that way. 

Or maybe, I don't. 

We have this great house in Dollet. It's on the harbor and has a nice view of the ocean. It's three stories, with an expansive granite tiled balcony off the main room on the second floor. The granite is dark gray, infused with large mica fragments that glisten under the moonlight and have the potential to blind you in full sun. I usually end up there after a night of bad dreams, even when the weather isn't ideal for sitting outside and reflecting on one's past sins. There have been nights where I sat through torrential rains and even snow. Doesn't bother me much. 

"It's no big deal," I say to her, heading to the kitchen for the bottle of whiskey in the freezer. "They were just dreams. It's not like they were real." 

She follows and I can hear her soft foot steps on the floor behind me. Doesn't she see I want to be alone? 

"NIGHTMARES." 

"Yeah, they were nightmares. So what? Everybody has them." I reply, irritated. I debate whether to pour myself a glass or to take the whole bottle. If Fujin's awake, I'd better take the whole bottle. She can get on my nerves. She doesn't talk much, but just her presence can drive me up the wall sometimes, especially when she's in the mood to make me talk. 

Out on the balcony, I look out over the sea and take a seat in one of the softly padded chairs, and begin to think about my life. I used to be so hard core. Now, I'm just a joke. Xu was right about that. My life is a joke. 

I've spent every waking hour of my existence seeking fame and notoriety. I certainly got it, didn't I? First as a murderer who went free because some bleeding heart liberals came to his defense, and now as a member of "The Disciplinary Committee," the multi-platinum rappers who denounce SeeD and just about everyone else on the planet. I really know how to make a name for myself. I laugh bitterly, my breath a cloud in the chilly air. 

And now that I have what I want, I'm at a loss. Everyone knows my name, my face. But what have I got? An attitude the size of Esthar, lots of money in the bank, but I don't have what I truly want. 

I want my innocence back. I want to be that cocky, proud boy who had dreams of greatness. I want to be back at Garden, where things were easier. I never once questioned who I was or where I was going back then. These days, I'm full of doubt, and my internal compass has been broken for a while. I don't know where I'm going anymore. 

Fujin sits down beside me, not seeming to feel the chill in the air. "DREAMS," she demands. 

"Yeah, so?" 

"BAD." 

I sigh and take a sip of my poison. It burns going down, but it warms my chest and that's all right by me. It's damn cold out here. "Yeah, they were bad. Big deal. I'll get over it." 

Fujin stares hard at me, searching my face with that cold gray eye. Despite her handicap, her stare can be rather intimidating. Hell, she's intimidating me right now. I's as if she's burning into my brain with a laser, searching for the information she needs. I shudder."TALK." 

"Fujin, its no frickin big deal." I'm not going to get out of this one without talking, but I really don't feel like spilling my guts to her. She might see me as weak. Then she'd want to kick my ass, which might be interesting, since I can still whop her seven ways from Wednesday with one hand tied behind my back. 

"NOW," she demands and crosses her arms. 

I know a threat when I hear one. I allow myself to be cowed by her because it's easier than duking it out here on this grand patio for the world to see. I take another long swallow of the whiskey and wait for it to go down before I begin. 

I tell her every detail of the dream. I tell her how I am unable to stop myself from throwing Rinoa at Adel.s feet, and the look of disbelief on Rinoa's face as I tower over her, my gunblade gleaming behind me. The dream is different from reality though. Moments after I commit this atrocity, Rinoa has changed into powerful sorceress herself, brandishing a pair of glorious black wings which glow and throb in different colors. They throw light against the walls, as if the surface of the feathers themselves were mirror like. She isn't the sweet, naive girl I knew a thousand lifetimes ago. She is something else, something beautifully monstrous, something innocently dangerous, and she has Adel junctioned unto her rather than the other way around. I strike at her over and over and her blood drips from my gunblade and dots the arm of my coat but she seems uninjured. Then, I realize it's my own blood. As I look up at her, and she merely laughs a silly girlish giggle. "Poor boy," she whispers to me. "Ultimecia did not fulfill your dreams, but I will." Then, I awaken. 

I shiver and swallow another mouthful of brown poison. 

Sometimes Fujin, for all her hardness on the outside, can be surprisingly insightful. I often forget she is the devil's advocate, pointing out the flaws and loopholes in any plan. Not that I often listen to her, but she's always been practical, if not understanding. She is my rock. So, she does not surprise me when she says, "GUILTY," and nods to herself. 

"I"m not feeling guilty. I've made my peace with them. Well, except for the chicken-wuss. He'd still like a piece of me, and me of him." 

Wouldn't I? He and still have some serious beef. And she's right. I do feel guilty. 

"LIE." 

"What do you mean by that? They have forgiven me." 

"RINOA." 

"She's forgiven me, too. She even calls me from time to time, Fuj." Rinoa and I have had occasional friendly conversations in the past couple of years. Nothing special, mind you, but she gave me no indication that she held me responsible for anything. 

"LOVE." 

This single word makes me stop and think.   
  


********************

I lay on the bed in my quarters, dry eyed and questioning everything about my life. How did everything get so screwed up? How could I break Squall's heart so cruelly? And what's left at Garden for me now that it's over? I'm not a SeeD. Do I belong here? Sure, Cid made me Goodwill Ambassador and Chief Negotiator, but really, what reason do I have to stay? I like my job, but I don't love it. There are other things I could be doing with my life. 

Well, I do still have friends here at Garden, but they're his friends too, though he sees little of them these days. Will they take sides? Will they turn against me, now that I've broken Squall's heart? I don't know. 

In the darkness of the room, I sense an almost imperceptible change in myself. I don't know what it is, or what it might mean, but it's there. This tiny, nagging feeling of duality that I can't quite pinpoint. Is like, my mind is divided. Part of me wants to run back to Squall, to throw myself into his arms, and the other part wants to run as far from him as I can. 

I sigh and absently stroke Angelo's head. He makes a sound that's half sigh and half a moan of pleasure and then returns to his dreams of chasing rabbits. 

Dogs are better than people. I've always believed this. They never lie to you, they don't talk behind your back, and they are always there to comfort you when you're down. Even better, they have the ability to calm you with their soft eyes, and always welcome you home when you've been away for a while, even if it's just been a few minutes since you've seen them last. I wonder if I went away for a while, would Squall come running to greet me with the same innocent joy in his eyes? Would he even notice that I'd been gone? 

I've already cried out every tear I had within me. I feel like I should hug my pillow and sob until my voice is hoarse, my stomach aches and my eyes are dry. That's what I want to do, but the tears won't come anymore. I've gone numb. I don't really feel anything, except a dull ache for what once was, which in hindsight, wasn't really all that much. I'm so confused. I love him, but I don't want to anymore. All I want is to have back those precious days when we shared our thoughts and feelings, made plans for the future and felt comfortable enough with one another. I want the laughter back in our lives. 

What if I go upstairs and apologize? What if I take everything I said back and forgive him? Well, then, I'd be stuck in the same place I was before, wouldn't I? 

Finally, after hours of thinking and debating with myself, I fall asleep. 

I have dreams of feathers and wings. They're opaque, magnificent wings inky and sunny at the same time. They pulse with a radiant light show of color, almost as if they have a heart beat of their own. I want them so badly, yet, they're just out of my reach. I also dream of sex and death and sorrow and pain, mostly mine, all in graphic detail that is both sickening and fascinating. This second, darker part of the dream overshadows the glory of the beautiful wings, yet, there's some kind of connection between the darkness and the inky black feathers that I fail to make. It's just a feeling, really, that those lovely wings represent an evil of some kind, though what I don't know. 

When I awake, it's morning, and the sunshine pours in from my narrow window, spilling across the rumpled bed. The light is so intense, it stings my weary eyes. On any other day, the sun would have pleased me, but today I'd prefer a thunderstorm, high winds and torrential rains. That would better suit my mood today. I don't feel like getting out of bed, but I'm to go to Dollet later today, and barring sudden illness I'll have to go whether I want to or not. 

I dress and brush out my hair, making a half hearted attempt to look as if I had a good night sleep. Though the end result appears polished and tidy, I still feel rumpled and weary. 

That's funny. Has my hair grown this much since my last trim? It seems I've acquired a good two inches in the last month or so. Geez. What do they put in those hot dogs? 

A glance at the clock tells me it's time to go to my office, where my bitchy receptionist will certainly tell me how much work I have to do today, how tired I look and how I need to cut down on my coffee intake. I'm always nice to her, so I don't understand why she has to criticize everything I do? Oh, well. Since I'm going to Dollet for a weekend conference, I'm allowed to take a half day, unless there's some crisis. But then, there's always a crisis. 

Please, don't let there be a major situation. I just want to get this over with so I can mope around some more before I have to get on the train. 

My office is different than Squall's. His is decorated with heavy furniture, and it always seems dark in there despite the big skylight above. Mine has a big picture window that fills the room with light, even on the cloudiest of days. Unfortunately, the view isn't spectacular. Instead of a picturesque scene, I'm treated to a view of the rounded hull of the Garden. It's a comfortable place to be, but I don't spend much time there. Maybe that's the difference between mine and Squall's. He lives in his, I barely stay in mine. I'm too busy with meetings and business trips to spend much time there, and I'm thankful for that. 

In fact, this morning, I should only be in mine long enough to call President Carraway and take care of some small, unfinished business before my trip. Then I should be free to mope a little before I have to pack. 

"Good morning Miss Heartilly," Anaya, my receptionist says as she busies herself with some task that's probably not important. Anaya has an annoying tendency to seem terribly overbooked, even though there isn't much for her to do other than take phone calls and file papers. "Headmaster Cid left this for you. He wants it by noon and don't forget you have to speak with the Shumi Elder about those captive Moombas in Galbadia. Oh, and Squall wants to see you in his office. He sounded pretty angry." 

So much for finishing up by noon. 

"Goodness, you could have at least combed your hair before coming in," Anaya remarks. She's younger than me, a work study, but she's got the personality of a grouchy old woman, I swear. It's as if she was born old. She's like a younger, crankier version of Quistis, minus Quistis' good intentions. 

"I did, Anaya," I reply testily as I eye her mop of curly red tangles. It's on the tip of my tongue to make a snide reply, but I keep it in. 

I put on a pot of coffee, wincing when Anaya comments, "You should cut down on that stuff. I heard it gives you cancer." 

"Everything gives you cancer these days, Anaya," I reply cheerily, trying my best not to let her see how bad I really feel. "Life will eventually kill me, so I'll take my chances with the coffee." 

Finally inside my office, I sit back in my chair and contemplate what to do first. There's much to do, much more than I anticipated, but that's the way it always is. 

Cid had thought it a good idea to employ the current Sorceress, which is, of course, me, as a goodwill ambassador for the Garden. In my opinion, this wasn't such a great idea. I mean, wasn't that what Vinzer Deling called Edea at the time? But he convinced me that my personality would put people at ease, despite the fact that I'd inherited the fearful powers of two sorceresses. Still, I am met with fear, and sometimes loathing, despite whatever personality I have. 

I decide to call Carraway first. He's my father, but that doesn't mean much to me anymore. I tried to mend fences two years ago, but he still couldn't come to terms with the fact that my opinions were different than his. He can't understand what he doesn't believe in. He won't hear a different point of view, and he won't accept me until I agree with him. 

Reluctantly, I pick up the phone and dial his private line. This is the phone that rings in his bedroom. I'm the only one who knows it, other than a handful of his most trusted staff and confidants. He'll probably change it after hearing what I have to say. 

A year ago, Carraway was elected President of Galbadia. During his campaign, he'd made promises to give Timber and Dollet back their lands and their rights as independent nations. He'd promised the Shumi tribe to free the captive Moombas. He'd made lots of promises. So far, he'd lived up to none of them, and now, Timber, Dollet and the Shumi's were requesting the aid of SeeD in forcing Carraway to make good on his word. And it was my job to talk him into it so that we could avoid going to war with Galbadia. 

"Good morning, President Carraway. This is Rinoa Heartilly speaking." I say. 

"Do you have any idea what time it is, Rinoa?" 

"Yes, sir, I do." I reply, tapping my pencil against the desk. I was well aware of the time difference between Balm and Gabadia, and I didn't care that I'd woken him up. I'd already tried to do things on his schedule, and now it was my turn to call the shots. 

"What is so important that you have to wake me up at 4:45 in the morning?" 

"You know very well why I'm calling you. You were supposed to return my calls three days ago, and my clients are getting tired of waiting." 

"Still can't call me father, eh?" he asked, laughing to himself. 

"No, I can't," I reply. My father and I were once close. Back when I was a kid, he'd been a kind, loving man. By the time I was ten, he'd changed and he didn't have time for a little girl who adored him. He left me in the care of a Trabian nanny, and expected that to be enough. 

But the past was the past. 

I pour myself a second cup of coffee and leaf through the paperwork on my desk. 

"Too bad. It might make our, heh, negotiations a little easier." 

"I am not about to use our unfortunate biological link to manipulate you into doing my will, nor will I stroke your overblown ego," I say. This is so typical of him. I can't believe he'd stoop this low, but, then again, he is a corrupt man working for a corrupt government. 

"You called to insult me?" 

"You know why I'm calling." I'm a little exasperated now. His evasiveness is really getting to me. He thinks these little games he plays with me are cute, and maybe he even thinks I'm foolish enough to forget my purpose for calling, which is insulting in itself. 

"I'm working on it." 

"Really?" I reply. "Funny, because you've had a while to work on it, and nothing's been done." 

"There are other issues here, you know." 

"Issues that are more important than giving back lands Galbadia stole? More important than returning the moombas that have been enslaved there?" I pause to give him a chance to speak. When he doesn't, I continue, my voice full of fire and venomous wrath. "So, what should I tell our clients in Dollet, and Timber, and Shumi Village? Should I tell them you're too busy to make reparations because you're building a new street in Deling?" 

He sighed, making a static crackling noise over the line. "We have problems, too you know. Crime, budget constraints. I'm sure they have the same issues and will understand our position." 

"The trouble is, Mr. President, these people have been hearing this little speech of yours for months. They're tired of waiting, and I can't guarantee they won't take it back using means of force." I know this will scare him, but I know it won't have any bearing on the final outcome. My father is a very stubborn man, and he's known for not backing down, no matter how pointless or stupid the situation might be. As much as I hate to admit this, he's a lot like me. Except that I have a conscience. 

"Rinoa, you can be so difficult." 

"Children tend to become difficult when they're neglected." Why is it that every time I speak with him, our past rears it's foul head? 

"I gave you the best that I had." There's a little bit of sadness in his voice, but not enough to win me over. 

"Except your time," I reply curtly. Enough of this daddy crap. It's time to get to the heart of the matter. "Look. What we want is for you to live up to your promises, or we'll have to take extreme measures." 

"Are you threatening me Rinoa?" he said softly. "What would you do if I decline?" 

"Don't play stupid with me. You know exactly what will be done if you fail to live up to your promises. It's your choice as to how this plays out." 

The line cut off abruptly and I am rewarded with a startling silence. I knew he'd hang up on me. So, now I have to report this to the Headmaster and Squall. 

What fun that will be.   
  
  
  


********************

Journal Entry, March 30, 9:00 am 

I have studied the Lunatic Pandora for more than twenty years, yet I still fail to understand it. There are so many things about it that perplex me, such as, who made it? Where did it come from? And matter of composite are these walls made of? We have spent two years now, trying in vain to get inside, but just this morning, it opened. All by itself, the locks released, and we were able to go inside. 

My assistant and I entered and immediately began to take samples of the walls. This was not an easy task, for not even the strongest drills are capable of cutting through the material. But, I was prepared. I had created two special hydraulic drills, each with a bit tipped in tiny diamond chips. If anything would cut through it, the diamonds would, for diamonds are the strongest substance on the planet. 

Imagine my annoyance when the idiot broke the drill bit as he placed it against the wall. I gave him the second one, and warned him not to open it up, instead to use a low speed setting in order to prevent the motor from burning up. 

It was amazing! As the bit began to spin, the wall began to glow. Rainbow spirals of light spun off from the tip of the bit and began to make strange patterns around us. And then, the walls themselves, all around us, began to pulse with the same kind of light. I was ecstatic. 

I left the boy to his work and began to walk through the corridors, marveling at the patterns. Here and there, I saw images of things, some very clearly, and some only for a brief, fleeting moment. The hallway opened up into a massive space, and as I gazed around, I saw a form lying on the ground where the lights were most intense. Upon the wall behind the figure was the image of a pair of wings so glorious I was forced to pause and admire them. They were dark like raven wings and spanned across the wall, perhaps fifty or sixty feet wide. Inside the crystalline walls, small bolts of electricity flashed and pulsed within the image, as if the feathers themselves were charged. What was causing this? 

I was not prepared for what I saw when I approached the figure, for I knew it would be Adel. I was certain we would find her remains badly decomposed and already turning to dust. However, her flesh was still intact, and there was even a pinkish coloring to her cheeks. So, Adel was alive. 

Immediately, I became fearful for my life, for Adel would gladly see me dead for betraying her, but the temptation of study is what caused me to take her to my laboratory. I was certain, when I brought her here, that she had no powers, for that girl, Sorceress Rinoa, had inherited them when Adel had been defeated. 

But now, I'm not so certain. However unlikely, it seems that Adel did retain some of her powers, and Hyne help us if she wakes.   
  
  
  


***Notes*** 

I've rearranged the order of some of these sections a bit, so that it makes a little more sense, plus I've added this chapter, which is an attempt at re-writing a lost chapter from the original. For some reason, it was deleted from my hard copy, and I was never able to recapture the original spirit of it. But, I realized in reading over this story as I edit it, that it was important to the story so I added this new section so that later sections are easier to understand. 

I'm going to try to post a couple of these a week, in hopes that I can have it back up within the next few weeks. I really want to finish posting "Oceans Apart," the sequel to this (don't go read it yet if you haven't read this one all the way through) before I get back to work on that one. What with the bazillion fics I've got going here, it may be longer than I hope....but it should be soon....   


Read, review, CC, spam.......you know the drill. 


	3. Gullible is My Middle Name

**_BROKEN WINGS_**

**_Chapter 3_**

  
  


_Women and Guns_

I consider Squall my closest friend at Garden. He's the kind of guy I can go to the firing range with, not say but a few words to, and it still feels like I'm with good people. He's easy to like, once you get past the brick wall that surrounds the person that he really is, and I have a lot of respect for a man who can risk everything for the love of a woman. He's also a welcome reprieve from my beloved Selphie. I adore her. I want to marry her and make lots of babies with her some day very soon. But sometimes, she makes me crazy, and I need a little silence. I guess she understands this, because she doesn't bother me too much about it. 

Nobody really understands Squall, though. I don't even fully know what makes him tick. I only know that everything he does is with good intentions. Which is why I can't comprehend what's going on between he and Rinoa. They had the fairy tale kind of romance, the kind that you read about in books, and every one of us thought that this would be one of those rare story book things. We all thought that they'd ride off into the sunset together and live happily ever after. We thought they'd have lots of kids and grow old together. I mean, he's the perfect knight, and Rinoa, well she's always been something of a princess, but it certainly helps that she's a sorceress. Their story was one for the history books, you know. 

But, I guess we were all wrong about them. I don't understand, but I want to. 

In my darker moments, I might be forced to contemplate the fact that there might not be a happily ever after. I might start to think that life and reality get in the way of our dreams and what we want. And I guess that makes sense. No matter how much you love someone, it is kind of foolish to believe in silly fantasies. Real love, the kind that endures takes work, it must be nurtured or else it dies away. But I don't want to think about this right now because things between my lady and I have never been better. I'm even thinking about proposing to her, but I guess that will have to wait for a later time, since the last thing I want to do is make Squall feel worse. 

Currently, I sit at a table in the cafeteria with the love of my life and Quistis. We got lucky today. There are delicious hotdogs aplenty, thanks to the deployment of forty or so more SeeDs to Galbadia this morning. Zell would be pissed if he knew, but he's stuck somewhere on Trabia right now, braving the cold and the wind for the sake of duty. Poor guy. Hope he's got antifreeze running through his veins, 'cause if not, I'd guess he's pretty damned cold at the moment. 

"What do you mean they broke up, Irvine? You'd better not be joking." Quistis demands of me as I take a bite of my hot dog, savoring the delicious taste that I rarely ever get to enjoy, thanks to the cafeteria's inability to meet the demand for them. Considering how popular they are, you'd think they'd have the intelligence to stock more, but they never do. 

Sometimes, I think things would be very different if I were in charge. First of all, there'd be more guns, and everyone would have to learn to use one, regardless of their specialty. Second, there would be lots and lots of eye-candy in short skirts. Brunettes, blondes, red-heads, tall, short, curvy and athletic. Yeah. That would be nice. 

"I swear to Hyne, they broke up," I reply and spread my gloved hands before me, turning my thoughts back to the topic of conversation. My ruminations of how Garden should be run have no place in present company. Quistis and Selphie would laugh me out of the room and use their forks in sensitive places just to drive their point home. "I talked to Squall last night." 

"Poor Rinoa," Selphie comments, a sad look spreading across her lovely face. Her plump lips form into a childish pout and she looks so cute, I can't help but make eyes at her across the table. 

"You should be saying, 'Poor Squall.' She dumped him like a two-ton heavy thing." 

"She broke up with him?" Quistis says in disbelief and shakes her head. "That's not possible." 

"She did, and it is," I confirm, taking another bite of the hotdog. This is heaven. No wonder Zell throws a fit when there aren't any more. 

"Quit joking around, Irvie," Selphie says, punching me in the shoulder just a tad too hard. She's been taking hand to hand combat lately, and all the extra training is starting to pay off. It's amazing how strong she is. But, I guess I should know better than to underestimate her by now. She's a lot stronger than anyone seems to think, and I think it works to her advantage sometimes. 

"Ladies, have I ever lied to you?" I favor them with a wry grin and a wink. 

"Well, Irvy-poo, there was that one time . . ." 

"Alright, alright. When you gonna forgive me for that Sefie?" Oh, not this again. About a year and a half ago, I went out drinking with the guys. It was my birthday, and I was of legal age to partake in a little liquid inebriation for the first time. Selphie wanted me all to herself, but damn it, I just had to see what it was all about. So, I told her I had a meeting with a weapons dealer and couldn't get out of it. Of course, I got caught, and she's never let me live it down. She's forgiven me, and it's kind of a joke between us now, but she still jumps at any chance to remind me. 

"Never," she said with a smirk. 

"This is just ridiculous," Quistis says, apparently put off by my news. "You don't really expect us to believe this crazy story of yours." 

"Go talk to Rinoa. Find out for yourself," I reply with a shrug and stuff another tasty dog in my mouth. 

The girls look at one another, and decide without saying a word to one another to go see Rinoa. They leave the table without so much as a goodbye and scurry off, their skirts swishing against their thighs in a manner that is incredibly inciting. Both of them have great legs, and I more than anyone appreciate the female version of the SeeD uniform for what it reveals. Serious eye candy. Yep. 

I laugh to myself as they disappear through the doorway. 

Women are so funny. And so fascinating. I love to watch the way they walk, the way they preen themselves so they look their absolute best. I love the way their hair smells, the way their skin feels against my hand, the way they smile and laugh, even when the joke's not funny. I love when they bat their eyelashes and play coy with me. 

But of all the girls in the world, I love Selphie the most. Everything about her enthralls me. Her impish, emerald green eyes and her slight, elfin figure captivate me. She's absolutely beautiful. I love to hold her in my arms in the middle of the night and hope that she's mine forever. As soon as the weather begins to warm, I'm going to take her to the lighthouse and propose. 

Well now, I guess that's decided. I'll wait until spring to propose. Now, I just need a ring. 

I hope she never has a reason to leave me. I can understand why Squall would react the way he did when Rinoa decided it was over. I think in my case, I'd probably go find a T-rexaur to fill full of bullets, instead of beating up perfectly innocent office furniture. 

Maybe I should go check on Squall. After what I saw last night, I can't help but worry that he might do something stupid and end up hurting himself. Unfortunately I can see how he might actually become destructive towards himself, given the rage he must have felt last night while ransacking his office. There's no telling what he could be up to at this moment, and though I never figured Squall as a suicidal type, you never know about people. Besides, I don't want him to feel like he's dealing with this on his own. He needs to know he's got friends. 

I still have an hour before I have to report to the weapons depository, where I handle the distribution of arms and related supplies. Basically, I get to play with guns all day, shoot them, clean them, organize them by type. It's a gravy job if there ever was one, and man, I love it. I can't believe I actually get paid for it. 

On the third floor, I knock loudly on the door that leads to Squall's office. There's no answer, and naturally, I'm more than a little concerned for his well being. I open the door carefully, afraid of what I might find behind that door. I have to literally force away an image of him lying in there, dead by his own hand. I shudder and push the door wide enough to give me a good view of the room beyond. 

The mess has been cleaned up, everything's in place, where it should be. Soft music plays on the stereo and the computer screen glows dimly on one side of the desk. I pity the poor sap that had to clean that mess up. Probably Nida, or maybe Squall cleaned it up himself. 

Squall is standing by the window, one arm propped against the frame. He's looking out over the quad below, watching whatever sights might be seen from this height. Normally, Squall stands tall and proud. His whole demeanor is one of quiet confidence. Today, though, his shoulders slump and his head hangs, his forehead pressed against the pane of glass. 

"Hey, man," I greet him. "I knocked, but . . . ." 

"I heard you," he replies in a quiet voice. He's being careful not to show any emotion, however I can tell right away that he's taking this hard. I can't help but feel sorry for the guy. 

"You doin' all right?" I can see he's not, but I have to ask anyway. 

"Whatever." 

"Hey, don't be like that." My words come out in a pleading tone that I don't particularly like the sound of.   
  
Squall says nothing in return. 

"So are you ok?" 

He looks over his shoulder at me, and I can see he's far from ok. His eyes are red and swollen, his face pale. He looks exhausted. "She came by this morning." 

"Would she reconsider?" I know by his expression that she hasn't, but I want him to talk to me. I'm not going to let him bottle it all up inside and undo all the progress he's made. It's not right for someone to deal with things on his own anyway. But I don't think he's going to talk. 

"No." 

"I'm sorry, man. If you need to talk about it, just call me, alright? I can see you want to be alone right now." I reach out and place my hand against his shoulder, hoping to show him how much I care. I want him to know he still has a friend in me, no matter what. I give his shoulder a friendly squeeze and head back to the door. 

"Irvine?" he asks just as I reach the door. "How can I guy like me, someone who's succeeded in everything he's done, screw up something as simple as this?" 

Facing him again, I say with a smile as I consider his question, "Who told you love was simple? There's nothing simple about it, my man. It's harder than anything else in this world, but sometimes, it's worth the risk. You've just gotta put the important stuff first." 

Squall nods, dejected. "And I put everything else before Rinoa." 

"That's a fatal mistake," I reply and shake my head. "Hey, you wanna go out tonight? Whadaya say? A Friday night on the town might do you some good." I'm in the mood for a few beers, maybe a game of cards or pool, and I think maybe Squall could benefit from a little time away from the office. But, I know he'll say no. He'd rather stay here feeling sorry for himself. 

Well, I guess I'd feel the same way if Selphie left me. 

"Nah," he replies. "I'm thinking of going away for the weekend, maybe up into the mountains. I kind of need to be alone for a while. I need to think." 

"That's what got you into trouble in the first place," I remind him. 

"Yeah, but maybe, if I go away, I can figure out a way to get myself out of this mess." 

"Fine, but don't do anything stupid, like get yourself killed," I say, a little harsher than I intended to. 

"I should be so lucky." 

Ok. Now I'm worried. "C'mon, Squall. Quit talking like that. You've got a lot to live for besides Rinoa." 

He's agitated now. I watch him cross the room to his desk. For a moment, I think he might ransack the office again but he doesn't. Instead, he opens a drawer and produces a small blue velvet colored box. With a toss it lands on the desk with a heavy thud. 

Oh, what is this? He was gonna propose? How could Rinoa not see how much he really loved her? 

"I can't live without her, damn it," he growls at me. "How else am I supposed to feel? I have nothing without her." 

"Bullshit," I tell him and cross my arms against my chest. 

"What do I have? This wonderful job? This nice, cushy office? I've got NOTHING." 

"You're a fool, Squall," I say coldly. I thought we were friends, but I guess I don't matter. I know he's hurting, but Great Hyne, you'd think he'd appreciate my support. "You don't give a damn about anyone but Squall. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and accept the fact that Rinoa left you, and it's your _own_ fault." 

"What do you know?" he asks and picks the box up off the desk. He opens it, revealing a large diamond engagement band, much like one I'd pick out for Selphie. He stares at it, that expression of anguish again on his face. His jaw is set, unwilling to hear anything I might say. It seems he's content in his misery. Maybe I should just let him be that way. 

"I know you're driving us all away, one by one," I say. I turn and walk out the door, my footsteps heavy against the floor, leaving an astounded Squall behind me.   
  
  


_*****_

"Rinoa, you can't be serious!" Quistis exclaims in disbelief. She's standing in my office, Selphie at her side, shocked and obviously more than a little upset with me. I'm not surprised they're here demanding answers. My decision, though well thought out was a bit abrupt, and usually women seek the advice of their friends before they decide to go and dump a guy. I think they're a bit hurt that I didn't come to them first. 

I sigh and drop my pen onto the desk. "Its over, guys. What else do you want me to say?" 

"Can't you guys talk it out? That's what Irvy and I do when we're fighting." Selphie gives me a pleading look that I must ignore. I can't think about this anymore. It's already half past three in the afternoon and I have to catch the train to Dollet at sundown. I haven't even packed yet. I should have done that last night, but I was too busy crying and feeling sorry for myself. 

"Selphie, this goes beyond a petty squabble. And talking is the problem. I do, and he doesn't." I thumb through some paperwork, hoping they'll see that I'm not in the mood to discuss this. 

"Well, maybe he will now," Selphie countered. 

"I don't want to. It's over, and that's that." 

"I had no idea you two were even having problems!" Quistis remarked. "When did all this start? Why didn't you talk to me about it?" 

How could she not see we were having problems? I don't think she's even seen Squall in a couple of months, let alone spoken to him. I don't think anyone's really seen him lately, except for maybe Irvine, who is never put off by Squall's inability to make conversation. "Quistis, I've felt this way for months now. And no offense, but I don't need anyone's advice on how to handle my love life," I reply, agitated. I don't want to talk about this anymore, it's giving me a headache. "Can we change the subject?" 

"Hey, hey!" Selphie says, suddenly excited. "I know what we can do to cheer you up! Let's have a slumber party. I never had one because of being at Garden and all, but wouldn't it be great to experience the childhood we missed? We could give each other make-overs and play truth or dare. It'll be fun!" 

I sigh heavily and shake my head. I love Selphie to death. She's a good friend, but right now, I can't take her endless enthusiasm. I know she means well, and under ordinary circumstances, her suggestion _would_ be fun. And I know she's trying to make me feel better, but it's only succeeding in making me feel worse. "I can't, I'm leaving for Dollet in a few hours." 

"Oh," Selphie says. I can see she's a little disheartened, and I feel bad for turning her down, but I've got a job to do. "OH! What if we tagged along? Me, Quisty and Xu have leave this weekend. We could come as your advisors, and then we could go to a club or something after your work thingy. Wouldn't that be great? Come on, don't say no, Rinoa!" 

"That sounds fun," Quistis says and nods. "We could get all dressed up, go dancing, get drunk and talk about how men are evil creatures who only care about themselves." 

I know I'm not getting out of this one. The only way to say no is to be mean, and I can't do that to my friends. They don't deserve it, especially since they're trying hard to make me feel better. I reluctantly agree. 

"WoooHOO!" Selphie shouts and jumps in the air, doing a silly happy dance. "This is gonna be so much fun!" 

I don't know how much fun it'll be to go to a crowded, smoke filled bar fending off horny, middle aged divorcees, when I'd rather spend the evening curled up in bed with a good book. I should have said no. Too late to back out now, though. 

My thoughts turn to the conversation, well, argument, I had with Squall this morning. I feel pretty guilty for the things I said to him, and I wish I could apologize. Of all the things I could have said, I had to go and blurt out _I want you out of my life,_ right to his face. Exactly where did that come from?! I'd actually meant to say that maybe I needed some time to work out my feelings and think about where to go from here. But those hateful, hurtful words came tumbling out of my mouth, and I couldn't stop them. 

I think there's something wrong with me. Maybe I'm getting sick. I'll go see Dr. Kadowaki when I return from Dollet because something's really not right with me. I feel like I'm going crazy, and I keep getting this weird sense of duality that I can't explain. It's like there's some one else occupying my mind. Someone I didn't invite in. I don't think I'm possessed or anything, but something is going on, and I want to get help before it gets worse. 

Maybe it's just stress. 

I finish what's left of my work and hurry up to my room to pack. I should have done this last night, but I couldn't bring myself to do anything more than pout and feel sorry for myself. In a hurry, I throw a few things into a suitcase and place my Garden representative uniform in a garment bag so that it doesn't wrinkle. 

Oh crap. I still have to talk to Headmaster Cid. I can't believe I forgot. 

I hurry out of the room and get body slammed by a tall figure. It's Irvine, and he looks a little distracted. "Oh, sorry Rinoa." Irvine says apologetically. "I was just comin' to visit you." 

"Come to urge me to go back to Squall?" I ask in a deadpan, unamused voice. 

"No," he drawls. "Actually, I wanted to make sure you were doin' all right." 

"I'm fine," I reply, "I really need to get going, though. I've got to speak with Cid and then catch a train." 

"How 'bout I walk with you?" 

I shrug and hurry down the hall to the elevator. Irvine has no trouble keeping up with me. In fact, it looks as if he's taking a leisurely stroll next to my speed walking pace. 

"You know, though, he's taking this pretty hard." 

I don't say anything. I know Squall's taking it hard, but what am I supposed to do about it? Take him back and continue the silent partnership we shared? Continue feeling unloved and miserable in his presence? I don't think so. 

"I know he's hard headed, and I'm not exactly pleased with him at the moment, but maybe you should give him another chance." 

I knew this was coming. 

"I thought you weren't going to try and convince me to go back to him?" I'm now very irritated. Seems like everyone is on Squall's side. They don't understand what I had to put up with. They don't understand my reasons at all. "Did he put you up to this?" 

"Nope." 

"Then drop it, Irvine," I warn, a coldness in my voice that I don't recognize. I hurry out of the elevator, anxious to get away from him. 

"He was gonna propose," Irvine calls after me. 

I spin on my heel and stare hard at him. "What?" I ask, wanting to hear him say it again. I need to make sure that what I heard was for real, not my imagination running away with me. I don't trust that it's not some figment of my imagination. 

"I shouldn't be telling you this, since it's something you two should talk about on your own, but he was gonna propose to you," Irvine shrugs and looks embarrassed. "He's even got a ring. All you have to do is reconsider." 

I have to get out of here before I throw up. I've made a huge mistake in believing Squall doesn't love me, and maybe it's too late to take back what I've done. I can't even bring myself to consider going back to him. It's like there's someone else there inside my head making all my decisions for me. The words I want to say refuse to leave my mouth, frozen there like an ice cube held upon my tongue. 

What I want and what I do are two different things. 

"He can go to hell, for all I care," I blurt out, hearing them, but not realizing that they're spoken in my own voice until rolled from my lips, hateful and bitter and absolutely not what I feel. 

Irvine is taken aback by my coldness, but the hard callousness of my comment. He's as surprised as I am to hear these words fall from my lips. What I'd meant to say was, 'He really has a ring?' but it didn't come out that way. Where did those disgusting words come from? And now that they're said, they can't be taken back. 

I really need to see the doctor. There's something really, really wrong with me. 

Dazed, I turn away from Irvine and head for Cid's office.   
  


_******_

Some would say I'm probably the most gullible guy in the world, and maybe it's partially true, but I know an outlandish joke when I hear one. Kiros, Ward and Ellone are constantly pulling crazy stunts on me and I usually fall for them, but this one takes the cake. The prank that stands before me screams of a poorly thought out attempt to fool Laguna, once again. They're good, alright. Their faces are innocent, pleading, but I know better. I'm not going to fall for it this time. No way. Ol'Laguna's not going to buy this one. 

".........." Ward takes my adopted daughter's hand in his and gives me the most beseeching look. 

Kiros nods and confirms, "He says he loves her." 

"Knock it off, you guys. I'm not gonna fall for it this time," I say. Honestly, they know how to take a bad ruse a little too far. 

"Uncle Laguna, it's not a joke. We're in love." Her eyes beg me to understand, and she grips Ward's giant sized hand in her tiny, delicate one. Her hand nearly disappears into his when their fingers lace together. "Ward's been in my life almost as long as I can remember. Its only natural that we'd fall in love." 

I can't think of anything to say to her. She's really convincing. Almost too convincing and I'm starting to wonder if this is for real. 

"Are you alright?" she asks me in a half whisper, tilting her head to the side a little and staring at me with deep concern in her eyes. 

"Really, quit it, you guys. You're starting to weird me out here." This is too weird to be a joke. I look at Ward, who usually gives away the whole prank by his poorly hidden look of amusement, but this time, the look isn't there. 

Oh, good Hyne. They're for real. I think I'm going into shock. My little Ellone wants to marry _WARD_? This is too much. This can't be happening. "Kiros, did you know about this?" 

"Yes, Laguna, and you would have known too if you hadn't been so into Dr. Odine's new pet project." Kiros is so damn practical. He sees and knows everything. When he talks, it sounds like a fact, even if he's feeding you a line of crap more foul than what Ward occasionally forgets to flush down the toilet. 

"Hey, Dr. Odine is a genius like me." I have to defend myself here. I wasn't elected president just because I happened to be involved with Adel's capture. I created Adel's capture, I _was_ her capture, therefore making me a certified genius, whether my friends agree with me or not. 

".........." Ward has that amused look on his face, and I can tell what he's thinking. 

"Not crazy, just misunderstood. Anyway, how in the world did this happen?" I'm really confused about this. My Elle and _Ward_. Ward and MY Elle. 

"It just happened, Uncle Laguna," Ellone says with a shrug. She's got that same beseeching look on her face that Ward had as she clings to his hand. My Elle . . . getting married to _Ward_. 

"Raine would not approve," I tell her and shake my head for effect. 

How I miss Raine. I loved her so dearly, and she was gone so soon from my life, yet that part of my existence is probably the happiest time I've ever had. I hope dropping Raine's name will bring Elle to her senses. Using her name, I'm projecting my own feelings. I really have no idea what Raine might say if she were here. She'd probably understand it, and she'd make some practical remark, just like Kiros. 

"............" Ward's face has that sarcastic look, and it's kind of making me mad. 

"Don't talk about Raine that way, ok? Dead or not she's still my wife," I say angrily. 

"Please, Uncle Laguna," Elle begs, seizing my hand and falling to her knees before me. "I love him, and he loves me. You know him and trust him. What could be better than that?" 

"I don't know if I trust him with my little girl," I say honestly. I'm suddenly struck with a flashback from my Army days. Too many unfortunate times, I'd accidentally glimpsed Ward in his underpants, and now, I relive those rather unpleasant moments with horrifying clarity."Oh, no. No, no, no." 

"What's wrong?" she asks, squeezing my hand tightly in hers. 

"I just got a visual. No, no. Gotta get it out of my head before I throw up!" I really do feel like I might puke. The thought of my buddy, Hyne love him, and Elle together is just, well, gross. 

I picture a green, grassy field, the wind blowing it in gentle waves, and the mental image goes away. Oh, sweet relief. 

Kiros laughs and pats me on the back. "It's not so bad," he says. "It's just ward Ward. Would you rather have her marry some stranger?" 

"YES!" I exclaim. "A stranger. That's exactly what you need. A good, young, handsome stranger. Besides, I've unfortunately seen Ward in his undies, and yulch! It's not a pretty thing. Believe me, Ellone. You don't want to see Ward in his underpants." 

The image is back. Underpants and all and I grimace, shaking my head to make it go away. 

"................" Ward's face twists up and he makes a rather obscene gesture at me. 

"Fuck you too, Ward," I reply. They're serious about this, aren't they? I'd better give my consent before Elle puts something nasty in my shoes. Like Ward's underpants. "Oh, alright. I guess it could be worse. You could have fallen in love with Dr. Odine. That would be bad. Verrrry bad."" I say this, but I don't feel it. 

She's breaking my heart. I want her to stay a girl forever, even though it's obvious she's been a woman for a while, I don't want things to change. I don't want her to get married, not to Ward, not to anyone, ever. 

"Thank you Uncle Laguna!" Ellone squeals in a high pitched voice, throwing her slender arms around my neck. I hold her tightly to me, not wanting to let my girl go. It's too damn hard to let her grow up, and I can't help but feel like I've lost her forever now that she's fallen in love. "You're the best." 

"Yeah, well, let's just hope the kids don't end up looking like Ward." 

".................." Ward makes the gesture again. 

"That's twice in one day, Ward," I reply with a laugh. "Getting a little big for your pants, eh? One more and I'll have to give you the cuchi-cuchi treatment." 

"It's britches," Kiros reminds me. 

He never fails to remind me of my verbal atrocities. 

"Oh, Uncle Laguna?" Elle asks, sitting back on her heels, a small tight lipped smile on her lips. 

"Don't tell me you're pregnant." Two shockers in one day is enough for me. If she's pregnant, I'm going to kill Ward, friend or not. 

"I'm not pregnant," she laughs and taps me on the leg, that funny smile playing over her mouth again. 

"What is it?" Oh, boy. I can't wait to hear this. 

"Got ya!" She begins to giggle and points her finger at my face. "We really had you going, didn't we?" 

She got me again. How does she do it? I'm relieved beyond relief, though, so much so that I find it hard to reply or even breathe. How did I fall for such a ludicrous joke? I really am gullible, I guess. But then, Elle is so cute, I'd fall for any trick of her own devising. 

They tease and make fun of me for a while, and then I have to take a couple of calls. The first is from Doctor Odine. He says he has some news about the excavation of Lunatic Pandora, which until last week, we were unable to even enter, due to a strange force field preventing our entrance to the site. The barrier suddenly died, allowing us to enter and begin research. That place sure is strange. 

The second is from Squall. To be honest, I'm a little surprised he's calling me. He and I aren't what you'd call close, and it's not his fault, nor mine. If I'd known I had a son, I'd have taken care of him, not left him in some orphanage. But, that's the past, and there's no going back, unless Elle's involved. 

Elle used her time-traveling magic on me once. She took me back to the day Raine gave birth to Squall. I have no words for what I felt, looking back at her through Elle's eyes, unable to comfort or help. I know that she loved me, though, and I hope that one day, I'll see her in heaven. 

But, back to Squall. He doesn't sound like himself. There's no confidence in his voice, so when he asks to borrow the Ragnarok for the weekend, I have to say yes. 

"But there's a superstition," I tell him. 

"A what?" 

"If you need to use the Ragnarok, I have to come with you. You'll need a pilot, and I'll take you anywhere you want to go," I tell him. 

"You mean stipulation?" he asks. He sounds weary. 

"Yeah. Is that alright?" 

"Kind of wanted to be alone, but I guess I don't really have an option," he says. I know he's not exactly thrilled about the idea, but maybe we'll be able to get to know one another. 

"Looks like I'm going on a trip, guys," I tell my friends and my adopted daughter. 

"Will you be taking the Ragnarok?" Elle asks, curious. "I thought I heard you mention it." 

"Of course." 

"I hope Squall knows how to fly, because you suck at it," Kiros remarks. 

"Hey! I'm a very good pilot!" I'm truly insulted. My instructor said I was a first rate pilot 

"..................." 

"That was not my fault, Ward, and you know it. That hovercopter came way too close to me." Why do they have to pick on me all the time? I think they get a lot of sick pleasure from verbally torturing me. Oh well, as long as they're having fun. 

"President Loire?" his presidential aide asked. "Dr. Odine is here to see you." 

"Show him in," I say and I begin to get excited. Dr. Odine's news is always interesting, if not groundbreaking, in my opinion, though my friends don't share my feelings. 

"Hello, all. My, you look pretty today Ellone," Odine says to her. His hands are clasped behind his back and he has that smug look of someone who has a fascinating secret to tell. He reminds me of an old lady with a juicy bit of gossip she can't wait to share with her circle of friends. 

"Thank you Dr. Odine," Elle replies politely and takes a seat on a couch. 

"So, Odine, what's the news?" I can't wait. I can't wait. I feel like a child in his presence, hanging on to his every word. 

"It is bad. Very very bad. You vant to know? Ok, I tell you." Odine is very pleased with his news, and I can tell it's going to be big, given the agitation he displays by wringing his hands together and squirming like a puppy. "Adel is alive." 

"What?!" I exclaim. This is not what I expected at all. "I thought Squall and his friends defeated her!" 

"True, zey defeated her, but zey did not kill her. Until zis morning, we were not able to enter ze Lunatic Pandora. However, ve found her inside, sleeping peacevully." 

"How is this possible?" I ask bewildered and very alarmed. I'm sure Adel would like to tear me limb from limb if she had the chance. 

"Because of the structural make up of ze Pandora, she reverted to a, how you say, dormant state. She iz alive, and she iz still powerful." 

"How can she still have her powers?" Ellone asks the obvious question that didn't occur to me. 

"I don't know," Odine says, perplexed. "Perhaps the transfer of power to Sorceress Rinoa vas not complete, and Adel retained some of her powers." 

"Something must be done about this," I say. I'm about to have a panic attack. "Maybe we should call Squall and get SeeD to take care of this." 

"NO!" Dr. Odine bellows at me. Uh, oh. He's very stubborn, and I know what he's going to demand of me. "If ve disturb her now, she will avaken and be very, very angry vith us. You don't vant zis." 

"I don't want her alive! Do you know what she'll do to me if she's set free, ugh, I shudder to think!" I'm as good as dead. 

"I vant to study her." Odine proclaims, looking at each one of us in turn. 

Has he lost his mind? "Out of the question." 

"You vill do as I say!" Odine can be quite a showman. He's prone to the most hilarious tantrums known to man. He begins to stomp his foot and point his finger at me. He sees me as a pushover. 

"I will not! Not this time!" 

"YES!" 

"NO, NO, NO!" 

"You vill let me study her, or I vill be forced to put my shoe in your backside." Odine is full of threats, but when taken up on them, he always backs down. Especially when I get Ward to hold him for me. 

"Dr. Odine, you know what happened last time . . . ." Kiros warns, raising one eyebrow and brushing a couple of braids from his face. 

"Zat was not a fair fight. You had blubber-boy hold me back." He declares, wringing his hands together again. "I demand to study Adel." 

"I thought you said if we disturb her she will awaken," Kiros reminds him. Good ol' Kiros. Pragmatic as always. 

"I have my vays." Odine gives a nonchalant shrug and grins his secret grin at me. 

"You have three days," I finally say, against my better judgment. "Then, we send her straight to Heaven." 

"Vat? You want to send zat infernal bitch to heaven? Are you mad?" 

"He means hell," Kiros corrects. 

"Fine. Sree days, zen you may do with her vat you vish."   
  
  
  


***Notes*** 

Did you miss me? He heh...I've been on hiatus. Life's been rough for a while, but things always have a way of working themselves out, don't they? Sooo....somewhere in the scheme of things, I turned into some kind of crazed party chick who doesn't stay home anymore, so I haven't been writing all that much. Lock someone up for years and see what happens when they escape the cage...he he heh...um. *pretends to look innocent* 

So anyway, I'm finished fixing all the problems with this fic, and I'll post a chapter or two a week, then get back to the sequel. 


	4. One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer

**_BROKEN WINGS_**

_A FFVIII Fan Fiction_

**Chapter 4**

_One Scotch, One Bourbon, One Beer_

I've been thinking about Rinoa all day. That word Fujin said echoes through my mind over and over until I can't bear to hear it anymore. Except that I can't make it go away. What Rinoa and I had was nothing more than a summer fling, and to tell the truth, she kind of drove me crazy, as sweet as she was. Maybe she was just too sweet for my liking. I like my girls more subtle, the kind that are mysterious, blatantly sexual, not innocent and sincere, like Rinoa. That's the part that I don't understand. I don't get why it matters so much. I don't get why she's the one I never forgot about. What gets me is that I wasn't in love with her back then. 

Aww, hell. Why am I even thinking about this anyway? 

Today's been pretty shitty. First, I wrecked my beloved Sephiroth motorcycle when some dirt bag cut me off on the main strip. I wasn't hurt, but the bike was totaled. It was all I could do not to beat the crap out of the guy. Then, I found out Fujin is pregnant. I feel sorry for the poor kid. With parents like that, he/she/it is sure to turn out a)ugly, b)deranged and c)will probably develop a serious speech impediment some time during childhood. This news alone is enough to spoil my day, but it got worse from there. I decided to go out and test my skills on the plains outside Dollet proper, thinking I'm a hot-shot and I'm unstoppable and all that nonsense. I come upon a female Geezard and her three ugly offspring. In seconds flat, I slay the three young ones with quick, sharp movements, thinking to myself how I've still got it. Of course, the mother was pretty pissed off and attacked me and I actually broke the tip of my gunblade off in it's putrid gut. But, it wasn't finished with me. In no uncertain terms, I got my ass kicked. By a Geezard. Sheesh. 

Currently I sit in the music studio with Raijin and Fujin, working on a new song for our second album. It's not going too well. Fujin is having a bad bout of morning/all day sickness and Raijin is preoccupied with thoughts of fatherhood. 

It disturbs me that my friends are moving on to adulthood without me. They're settling down, starting families, and I'm still stuck in the same spot. Of course, no one can stand to be around me except these two, but how long will that last? A month, maybe two after the baby's born? I don't want to be a tag along, after all. That's not my scene. And having to deal with the screaming spawn of these two clowns? I shudder to think. 

Guess it's time to start thinking about a solo career. 

"Raijin, I told you a thousand times, I need a symbol crash at the end of that line," I demand. We have been over this multiple times and I'd like to bash him over the head with a drumstick or preferably something heavy to knock some sense in to his feeble brain. 

"I'm tryin', ya know?" Raijin whines, obviously frustrated with me. 

"This isn't rocket science, now do it right!" I bellow at him. I want to get this done. I've had a crappy day, I'm tired and I have a whole bottle of Galbadian Whiskey waiting for me in the freezer at home. Anything to speed this up would make my day just a little better. 

"TIRED," Fujin says. 

"I don't give a damn," I snap at her. "We're not leaving till this is perfect. Now, let's do it again. On three." 

Rajin taps out a beat on the high hat and Fujin joins in four measures later. Bass guitar in hand, she plucks out a funky riff that I wrote myself. I give her a grin of appreciation and approach the microphone. But then, I stop. The inspiration fairy has just struck me right smack in the forehead. 

I begin to scribble on a piece of paper the lyrics to a new masterpiece. What I come up with is pure brilliance, in my opinion, and sure to piss people off. I think that's my real reason for being on this planet. I exist to annoy people. There's nothing I do better than make people mad, so I might as well make a profit off of it if I can, right? 

Within a half an hour, I've written a model song. One by which all future standards of songwriting will be measured. It's a proven fact that anything that's controversial will sell albums. It doesn't have to be good, but other bands will begin to copy your style, analyze your lyrics and try like hell to cash in on a trendy sound. I know this song will create that kind of environment for current music. I can feel it in my gut. 

Despite my rather unpleasant day, things are looking up. I feel pretty confident of myself as I present my work to the pair. "It's called _Chicken-Wuss_." I announce, proud of myself for such a fine job done. 

"ZELL," Fujin says when she's finished reading the lyrics. There's a funny gleam in her eye, one I know is of approval. 

"Do you know any other chicken-wusses?" I ask. 

"Fujin was just sayin, ya know, Zell's gonna be kinda pissed when he hears this, ya know?" 

"That's the point, dummy," I snap at him. Sometimes Raijin's stupidity really gets to me. For the second time in less than an hour, I wish I could play basketball with his head. 

"RAGE!" Her face is flushed, her eye hard and narrow and trained on me. She's in her fighting stance, and at the moment, with the bass guitar strapped across her body, she looks ridiculous. But knowing Fujin, it's likely that she'd use the guitar as a weapon, which makes the situation a little less funny than it could have been. I've already had a bad day, I don't need a concussion inflicted by a bass guitar-weilding, semi-psychotic pregnant woman. 

"Fujin doesn't like you calling her a dummy, ya know?" 

"Shut up and play the damn song before I come up with one about you two. Wait! I have a brilliant Idea, I could call it, _The Legend of Meat Head and Iron Bitch."_

Fujin is not happy about this comment and shows me her middle finger. "JERK." 

"Fujin was just sayin, ya know, that you're a . . . ." 

Why do I bother? 

"Can it, moron," I say with a sigh. Right now, a solo career sounds pretty good. "Can we shut up and do the song now?" 

After four attempts, we are able to play the song all the way through. It sounds fantastic. I smile at my creation and mentally pat myself on the back. I could write a whole album about the chicken-wuss, you know. There's just so much I could poke fun at. Maybe that'll be my first solo project. Heh. 

Later, we discuss the show we are to do at the dance club, _Aeris_ here in Dollet tomorrow night. I'm all for it, though I almost canceled it last week. Fujin, however is feeling nauseated and will hardly consider playing the show, even though it's too late to back out. We finally agree to go ahead and play, though reluctantly on Fujin's part. 

As I watch the sun set from the patio, facets of mica reflect the orange- pink light of the dying day around my bare feet. For the first time in a very, very long time, I feel calm and confident. It's as if I've been renewed through some unknown force, and I see a future before me like I've never seen it before. It's so clear. So perfect that I can almost touch it. And I can feel in my bones that the path to my future has already been set in motion. 

*****

I've never been much of a drinker. Don't get me wrong, I do occasionally indulge in a little here and there, but I'm the kind of guy who'd rather nurse a beer or two over a course of an evening than get totally hammered, fall down and barf everywhere. Zell and Irvine are constantly giving me crap about being a wussy who can't handle more than two, but I prefer moderation. 

But tonight, I'm throwing caution to the wind. It's either drink so that I can tolerate Laguna's incessant chatter or go throw myself into the icy harbor and put myself out of my misery. And I'd rather drown myself in drink than die a coward anyhow. 

So, here we sit in a seedy pub in Dollet, not too far from said harbor, where the smoke is thick and old men relive their glory days in grand detail. It has already occurred to me that I'm the only young person in here, save the attractive waitress, who looks disturbingly like Quistis and Selphie all rolled into one. She has Selphie's build and piercing green eyes, but Quistis' blonde locks and facial features. I find it odd that someone can look so completely like two different people, yet nothing like them at all. 

"So this one time, Ward and Kiros and I are stuck inside some cave on Trabia, when all of a sudden . . ." Laguna chatters on, apparently unaware that I'm trying to ignore him. "Hey man, you need another drink? Looks like you're about empty." 

"Sure, why not," I mutter and stare down at the bar. This was a mistake. I should have just thrown together some camping gear and headed up into the mountains around Balamb instead of foolishly agreeing to this trip with Laguna. He is my father, but I can in no way relate to him. He's too easy, too free with his speech, too damned happy. I've always been baffled by happy people. Take Selphie for example. She's just so . . . happy all the time, even when things are tough, she'll find the bright side of the situation and turn it around in her favor. Me, I'm just not like that, and I don't pretend to know how it's done. 

Laguna's like Selphie, and I don't pretend to understand him either. But, at the same time, I kind of wish I were more like him, and I have to admit, I kind of respect him, a little. Here's a guy who's lost two women, both whom he loved deeply, though in different ways, yet he's still got the desire to live, and he still carries on as though life were a gift. Maybe I'm being foolish, or maybe he's the fool. I can't decide which, and maybe I don't care. 

I stare into my drink, counting the ice cubes absently. Without thinking, I slam the drink back, leaving only the ice cubes in the glass. 

"Better slow down, honey or you won't make it to last call," the blonde bartender comments and adds a light hearted giggle. She's been flirting with me all night, and it's hard not to notice, but the only woman I want is Rinoa. 

"Well, man," Laguna says and pushes his glass of grape juice away, "I'm going to have to hit the grass." 

I don't bother to correct him. What's the point? 

"I'll be at the hotel if you need me. I just love unfamiliar beds! There's nothing like sleeping in a hotel room," he continues. I know that he'll continue this monologue for another ten minutes, so I order another drink and pretend to listen. He finally says his goodnight and I'm left alone in this dingy, dirty little place, alone with the antlers on the wall and the old men who play cards and talk about hunting and fishing and things they did when they were young. If I ever end up like that, someone shoot me. Please. 

"Why the long face?" the bartender asks as she brings me another round. 

"Not really in the mood to talk," I reply, hoping that she'll get the hint. 

Of course, she doesn't. "Sometimes it helps." 

"Thanks but I'll pass," I reply, refusing to look at her. 

"Well, if that's the way you want it," she replies with a shrug and turns to help a customer at the end of the bar. 

I finish off my drink, and suck down for two more before I decide to leave this smoke filled little dive and head out into the cold night beyond it's battered wooden doors. The cold air comes as a shock as it blows across my face. But surprisingly, or maybe not so, considering the amount of booze I've consumed tonight, I don't feel terribly cold. 

I walk through the streets, where my life as a SeeD began. It wasn't so long ago that these streets were littered with bodies of both Dollet Army and G-Army soldiers during the seige on Dollet that served as my induction into the mercenery life. It wasn't so long ago that I was a boy with no dreams or plans for the future, so I suppose it's fitting that I now walk these streets a man without dreams or hopes for a future. 

Except that this is only half true. I still hope that Rinoa's just being irrational and that she'll change her mind and we can work everything out. 

I don't know how long I've been walking now. I've circled the city restlessly, without direction, but I know I've passed the harbor seven or eight times now. The chill is starting to get to me. 

Up ahead I hear thunderous music, and blindly follow the sound. Here, tucked away in a narrow alley is a club of some kind with a gaudy neon sign that garishly announces it's name. _Aeris_. The building itself seems to throb with the heavy bass of the dance song, it seems to shudder on it's very foundation, and despite myself, I'm drawn inside. 

The place is nearly packed, people stand elbow to elbow and I must fight my way to the bar. I don't know what I'm doing here, since I detest this sort of place, but perhaps I can finally feel totally alone with my thoughts. In a place like this, it's easy to be anonymous. Once I reach the bar, I order myself another drink. As if I need another, but I'm past the point of caring. As I sip my poison, I watch the people pass by. 

How many of the people in here have felt what I feel right now? How many of them have lost someone they thought would be theirs forever? Disheartened, I glance from person to person, and see that almost everyone in this room is on the arm of someone else. 

One couple in particular catches my eye. They seem deeply in love as they toy with each other. The man plays with the woman's beautiful raven hair, and her hand caresses his well muscled arm. They seem so enamored of each other that I can't help but be envious. How long ago was it that Rinoa and I did the same thing? 

Something familiar about that girl. Something about her reminds me of Rinoa, though her hair has never been that long. But still, I'm compelled to take a closer look. I pick up my drink and crane my neck, watching the couple laugh and giggle at one another, their faces hidden by shadows cast by the strange lighting in here. 

As I push through the crowd to gawk at them, she turns her head and I catch a glimpse of her profile. Oh, hyne. That face. I know every inch of that beautiful face. 

Rinoa. 

And the man with her. He's tall, blonde and wears a long gray coat emblazoned with red crosses. 

Seifer? It can't be. 

Rinoa? And Seifer? She sits in his lap, smiling up at him as if she adores him and she giggles as he whispers in her ear. I am horrified as I watch his hand boldly touch her breast and she gives him a playful shove. 

No. No, no, no. 

Rage swells inside me and I push through the people that suddenly block my path to where they stand. I swear, the next person who gets in my way gets a mouthful of glove. 

Someone crashes into me from the side and I spin, my fist in the air, ready to duke it out, but a familiar voice squeals my name. 

Before me stands Selphie dressed in a yellow micro-mini skirt and a matching halter, and Quistis wearing a tight black dress, both with drinks in their hands, gaping at me as if they've never seen me before. 

"What are you doing here?" Quistis yells over the thunderous music. 

"Came with Laguna," I reply and knock back the rest of my burbon. "Why are you here?" 

"Came with Rinoa," Quistis replies. 

Oh, right. The conference. The one I told her I didn't have time to accompany her on. 

"Have you been drinking?" Quistis asks in disbelief. 

I toss aside the glass that contained my millionth drink of the night. Or something like that. I stopped counting a while ago. "Yeah, so what?" I reply, looking around to make sure I don't loose sight of the lovebirds. 

"You're drunk, Squall?" Selphie asks with a girlish giggle. It's obvious that she's had a little more than her share too. 

"No more than you, Sefie," I reply. 

"Selphie, go find Xu and Rinoa," Quistis orders. 

"Um, Quisty, Rinoa's still with Seif . . . oh." 

My jaw clenches as Selphie throws a guilty looking glance my way and then sprints off into the crowd. 

"I'm gonna kill him," I mutter. 

"I'm coming with you. You're drunk and you might do something stupid," Quistis says. 

"Leave me alone," I demand and push away from her. Unfortunately, I stumble and am forced to grab onto her to remain vertical. 

"Let me come with you," she urges, a plea in her eyes, as if she doesn't want me to see them together. Too late for that. I've already seen, and Hyne does it hurt to know she'd touch someone else like that, let someone else touch her that way. Especially someone like Seifer. 

"Let me go!" I yell and pull away from her. "I'm fine, damn it!" 

I leave her bewildered as I head in the direction that I last saw the pair, but I don't see them anywhere and I begin to search from corner to corner, but still the two are mysteriously absent. 

In a panic, I fight my way out of the bar, out into the cold night again. The icy air takes my breath away momentarily. The wind has picked up and a definite chill has set in. I shiver and look both ways, up and down the alley, hoping to spot them. But except for a sprinkling of people I don't recognize, there's no one else out here but me. 

I'm suddenly exhausted. I realize that I'm not going to find her tonight, and maybe it's best that I didn't. With great reluctance, I return to the city gates, where Laguna landed the Ragnarok earlier this evening, and head aboard, thankful for the warm air inside. 

As I lay down on a cot and fall into sleep, I a voice cries out, _I'm lost. Please, someone help me!_

I struggle to lift my head so that I might find the source of the voice, but I'm too tired to even open my eyes. 

_Squall, help me!_

Funny. The voice sounds like Rinoa's.   
  


*****

From a deep, dreamless sleep induced by far too many glasses of whiskey, I awake to dawn in Dollet. I'm not sure what hurts worse, my head or my stomach. My head throbs, aching at the temples and behind my eyes. My stomach churns as if there is some live creature inside that must get out. I swear at myself and rub my eyes. 

My stomach feels bad, but I think my pounding head has won the battle. And somebody, please tell me, where am I? 

There's a body in the bed next to me, and it's definitely not Quistis, who agreed to share a bed with me at the hotel. The body's arm is slung across my hips, and the rest of it cups me from behind, warm and smooth. I'm sure this arm belongs to a man, though I don't remember going to bed with one. 

What the hell? 

For a moment, I wonder if I'm still asleep. In sleep, though, my head wouldn't hurt so much, and my stomach certainly wouldn't feel as if something were trying to claw it's way out through my guts. Ugh. I'll never drink again, I swear. 

And who is this man beside me? I don't recall. Fearful that I've done something terribly stupid that I won't be able to get out of, I sit up and gently push the arm off me. I look around at the room, and catch a glimpse of a gunblade, it's tip missing. Please let it be Squall beside me, please . . . oh Hyne, please! 

There is a gray coat with red crosses on the sleeves hanging over the back of the chair that stands next to the bed. Oh, bloody hell. This has to be a dream. I'd never, _ever_ in good conscience go to bed with Seifer. But I'm naked under these sheets, and he, well, he's not exactly dressed either. 

What have you done, Rinoa? What in the name of Hyne have you done?! 

How do I get out of here without waking him? Beyond that, how do I get up from the bed, without exposing myself to his eyes, should he wake up? I'll just take the sheet. Oh. That's no good either. The sheet is tucked underneath his legs, and there's no chance of me taking it without waking him. I'm trapped. 

Before I can even consider what to do next, Seifer's eyes open and he yawns. His breath smells of whiskey, his eyes are bloodshot and surprised. 

"Am I dreaming?" he asks, his voice gritty from sleep. 

"I hope so," I manage to say, clutching the sheets to my bare breasts. I search my foggy memory of last night's adventures, and come up blank. I have no recollection of any events beyond ordering my first drink with the girls. What in Hyne's name have I done? 

Seifer's now touching my hair, smoothing it back from my face. There's something in his eyes that reminds me of Squall. Please let it not be what I think it is. I can't bear to be more than just a conquest to him. I flinch away from his touch as if it were poison. "Don't be afraid," he says, his touch becoming more intimate. My skin crawls; I'm filled with disgust, for him and myself. I slap his hands away, panicky and half terrified. I don't want him to touch me. Ever. Again. 

For a second, our eyes meet. In his, I see radiant, dancing whorls of light, a whirlwind of color that is both beautiful and menacing. For a very brief second, I glimpse a pair of black wings, infused with the same shimmering colors that pulse and move in serpentine waves in his eyes. I reel back, remembering the nightmares I had just nights ago. I shudder and flee from the bed, taking the sheet with me and clinging to it as if to a rock on the edge of a high cliff. 

I remember last night now. 

Seifer'd been on stage with the Disciplinary Committee, or in other words, Rajin and Fujin. They played a few songs. I'd already lost count of how many drinks I'd had. One might say I was plastered, if not outright crocked. (Wait, is there even a difference?) The memories after my third or fourth drink are a blur, but they are there, including my own willingness to be seduced by Seifer, and the subsequent act that followed his seduction. 

This is just great. Fantastic. So I dumped Squall, fine, but why did I have to jump into bed with Seifer? Seifer, of all people! 

I know what I did, and I'm ashamed of myself. The funny thing is, I feel as if I had no choice in the events that occurred last night. I remember saying and doing things I know I'd never do or say, even after a few glasses of Galbadia's famous liquid death. It's almost as if my body was being used as a puppet, and someone else at the strings. It's as if my actions are simply the will of some unknown master. Yet, at the same time, I went along with no resistance. I certainly didn't put up a fight when Seifer took me home and then into his bed. In fact, the prospect seemed, well, very enticing at the time. 

It's not like I'm possessed or anything, at least I pray I'm not. When Ultimecia used my body to deactivate the seal of Adel's tomb, I had absolutely no control over my own body. I knew what was going on, but I could not stop her. No, this is more subtle. I know I would have turned Seifer down if I'd had no desire to spend the night at his place. I wanted to sleep with Seifer. I'm pretty sure about that. Aren't I? 

Hyne. What is _wrong_ with me? I'm so confused. Was this what I wanted? Can I really say to myself I wanted this? 

Currently, Seifer strokes my bare shoulder, lust in his eyes. He stands naked before me, and he has no shame at all about showing himself. "Last night was really special." 

"For you, maybe," I reply, drawing the sheets tighter around me as I take a step away. 

"You sure seemed to enjoy it." His smile sickens me, makes me want to vomit. 

"I've got a train to catch, Seifer, and my friends are probably worried sick about me." I throw his coat at him and indicate that he's supposed to cover himself up so that I don't have to see all of him, but he ignores the gesture. 

"Don't go," 

"I have to. Cid is expecting me back before sundown," I say as I struggle with the sheet, which threatens to expose more of me than I wish to. I feel his eyes upon my back as I turn away, I feel his lust for me as he watches me bend down to pick up my discarded garments from the floor and enter the bathroom. 

I dress quickly, the door locked behind me. I can't imagine how Squall would react if he ever found out about this. Would he be furious? Would he even speak to me again? One thing is for sure. I have to keep this quiet, for my sake and Squall's. I glance into the mirror and I'm startled by my reflection. 

My eyes, they're not brown anymore. I don't even know what color you'd call this. It's kind of a blue-green-brown that is no where close to being described as hazel. 

And my hair. It seems to be growing overnight. There's now a full five inches or more added to the length and it's the same glossy black with chunk highlighting in red, but the red seems to have turned darker, to more of a true red than an auburn. 

So much for blaming it on the hotdogs. 

But the most disturbing part of my reflection is the faint lines on the left side of my face. They are whitish-gray, and resemble soft down feathers. The lines grow darker near my hairline, almost black, and they cup my face like gentle fingers against my cheek. 

Oh, Hyne, this is not happening! I understand now what is wrong with me! For the first time in a long while, I'm truly frightened beyond my senses. I don't want these changes to happen. I want to be the old me, plain old Rinoa, not Rinoa the Sorceress. 

Trembling, I leave the bathroom and say an unceremonious goodbye to Seifer. I'm forced to dodge his attempt to kiss me by ducking out of the way. My skin crawls with the thought of him touching me, and my head pounds with the memory of what I'd so willingly and completely done in his bed. I can't make this mistake again. I belong with Squall, not Seifer. 

"When will I see you again?" he asks as I walk away. 

Hmm, let me think. Never? How does that sound, Seifer? "Soon," I hear my voice say, against my will. The desire to do wrong is so electrifying, yet so shameful. I feel split in two, as if there are two Rinoas inhabiting my body, one good, one evil, and the evil one seems to be winning the battle. 

I hurry back to the hotel, not wasting any time looking around at this beautiful city. I have to do something about this. My friends are going to think me mad if I continue behaving like this. I know they're already wondering what the hell is wrong with me. But these impulses, they're so strong. Do all Sorceresses feel this way when they come into their own power? Perhaps I should speak with Edea. She'd be able to tell me everything I need to know. 

And what were those lights I saw in Seifer's eyes? They were so similar to those in my dreams, the wings almost identical. Would anyone believe or understand if I tried to explain? Maybe this is another thing I should keep to myself. I'm already half out of my mind in their opinion, I don't want to give them a reason to lock me up in the Balamb Psychiatric Ward. 

But, maybe I belong there. 

At the hotel, my friends are packing their things in preparation to return to the Garden. I remember I must do the same, and quickly. The train leaves in less than an hour. 

"Where the hell have you been?" Quistis demands. She sounds very motherly when she says it, and I feel sorry that she hasn't settled down yet. She'd make a wonderful mother, though probably a bit stern and controlling. "We were about to organize a search party. We've been worried sick about you." 

"Sorry," I reply, throwing cosmetics and toiletries into my duffel bag. Suddenly I'm not feeling so hot. My head hurts, and I feel like I might throw up. "Had too much to drink last night." 

"I'll say," Quistis remarks, her eyes narrow in suspicion. "Were you with Seifer?" 

"Yes, but I passed out on his couch," I lie. What can I do but lie? The truth wouldn't exactly go over well with any of them. 

"Thank Hyne!" Xu exclaims as she folds a shirt carefully into a square, as dictated by Garden policy. "I can't imagine anyone stooping so low as to sleep with Seifer. You had us all worried." 

I find this almost unbearable to take. I want to scream at Xu and rip her shiny black hair from her head, strand by strand. And then, I'm surprised by my own rage. And frightened. How angry do I have to be to actually do it? What would happen if I did? I shudder and continue to pack my things in silence. 

"Laguna's here, Rinoa!" Selphie says excitedly. "He's gonna fly us home on the Ragnarok." 

Great. This was just what I need after a night of sin and slumming. The Ragnarok is not one of my favorite places. Though some pretty important moments in my life played out there, many of them good, the bad ones were bad enough to keep me from listing it in my top ten. Nevermind the way it shudders. Maybe I should just go throw up now and get it over with. 

"Rinoa, when did you grow your hair out?" Xu asks, curious and a little suspicious. 

I want to tell her to mind her own business and I have to force my lips shut not to say anything nasty. After a few seconds, I reply, "Fujin gave me extensions last night." The lie sounds stupid, and I have to stop myself from groaning at the sheer idiocy of the statement. 

"Oh," Xu replies, looking mildly surprised. "I didn't know she did hair." 

"I didn't either." 

"Well, it looks nice." 

"Thanks," I reply. I feel bad about wanting to rip her hair out. I didn't mean it. I really, really didn't! Wanting to change the subject, I divulge a piece of tasty gossip the Seifer shared with me last night. "By the way, Fujin's pregnant." 

This news is met with a collective gasp and noises of disgust. 

"We should throw her a baby shower," Xu comments, sounding serious. 

We all look at her as if she had little purple lizards crawling out of her nose. 

"Just kidding," Xu said and rolled her eyes, as if the joke had been completely lost on us. 

Quistis shudders. "That's disturbing," she says. "Can any of you imagine what kind of mother she'd make?" 

"Yeah," Xu replied and zipped up her bag. "And it terrifies me to think about it." 

I continue to pack, and look up to see Selphie staring at me in a funny way. 

"What?" I ask, annoyed. 

"Squall's here too," Selphie says quietly, a look of discomfort, and a little guilt on her sweet face. I feel the urge to choke her. But I keep control of myself and busy my hands with zipping my bag. I have to concentrate on the task, because for just a split second, it feels like my hands might actually lift up against my will and throttle her until she turns purple. 

"He'll be aboard the Ragnarok," I echo, hoping this is a mistake. Squall is the last person I want to see today. I can't face him after what I've done. 

"Unhunh," Selphie says "And boy, is he not himself. I thought he was withdrawn before, but now . . ." 

Stop talking, Selphie, just stop talking before I scratch your eyes out. I favor her with a chilly look and her face crumples into a scowl. 

"Gee, did a sand worm crawl up your butt this morning or what?" 

I'm gonna kill her. 

"Shut up, Selphie," Quistis cuts in. "She had a rough night." 

If they only knew . . . .   


  



	5. I'd Sell My Ma For A Hot Dog

**Broken Wings**

**_A FFVIII Fan Fiction_**

**CHAPTER 5**

_I'd Trade My Ma For a Hot-dog_

As I sit here in this wretched little fox hole early in the cold Trabia morning, shivering a bit from the icy wind that never stops blowing, I scan the horizon for any sign of an impending attack. As mission commander, I'm forced to endure long nights of sentry duty, guarding a peaceful village which I don't think is likely to be attacked. For one thing, the Shumi Tribe is the least likely target I can think of. No one in the world has a reason to attack them, so what the hell am I doing here standing in the snow, waiting for some unforeseen enemy to strike? 

Ahh, hell. I know a SeeD's not supposed to question his mission, but this is a little ridiculous. 

And as I stand here, I can't decide which is worse: the freezing cold, the food, or the annoying way the Shumi talk. 

First of all, this place never, ever thaws. Even in the middle of the summer, the wind whips trough these mountains with a vengeance, the snow continues to fall and the temperature never rises above freezing. I can't wait until I get back to Balamb where it's still a little chilly, but I know it's much warmer than this. 

Second, I hate Shumi food. They live on a diet that consists of only fruit and nuts and it's not polite to turn down anything they offer. I haven't had a hot dog in thirty-two days, seven hours and fifty-four minutes. Make that fifty-five minutes. I'll tell you one thing, Zell Dincht is gonna be mighty pissed if there are no hotdogs waiting for him upon his return to Garden. Get my drift? 

And third, the Shumi people have this strange way of talking. At first, it's kind of quaint, but after thirty-two days of hearing them speak about peace, harmony and the life-force of the planet, I wouldn't be surprised if I go ballistic on the next one that starts spouting off about the energy radiating from the bowls of the earth. Don't get me wrong. They're great people, and they're very relaxed and laid back, but spend a month with them and you'd go out of your head too. 

Which brings me to why I'm here now. A little over a month ago, the Shumi Tribe requested that Galbadia return the freedom of the thousands of Moombas enslaved within the country. They didn't ask for the return of the Moombas, just their release from slavery. Galbadia pretty much laughed and thumbed their noses at the peace-loving Shumi. So, of course, they called us to protect their village, claiming they received threatening information from the Galbadian government. Which, is why me and two other SeeD's are stationed here in this hell on earth. 

Who ever said hell was hot is a liar. It's freezing here. 

Half numb from the cold, I'm relieved when one of my comrades, Anda Doral arrives offering a cup of coffee and his company. Anda is a pretty cool guy. He's not a martial arts expert like myself, but I respect his abilities. Even though he tends to rely too much on magic and ends up getting the crap kicked out of him in most cases, I like him a lot. If he'd just concentrate and fight, he'd be all right. 

"Hey man," I say, watching my breath turn to ice the instant I utter the words. 

"Hey," he replies. "Damn, it's mighty cold out here." 

I give him a dirty look. He's been inside for the last several hours, in a nice warm bed with blankets. 

He shrugs and smiles hopefully. "Any word on when we're leaving this place? I got a girl back in Balamb you know. I'd like to see her again before I die of hypothermia." 

"I know the feeling, man. Hate to bring you down, but we're stuck here until they tell us to go home," I say, indicating the entrance to the village and the Shumi beyond. 

"This is the most boring place I've ever been," Anda comments, sipping from his coffee cup. 

Anda and I have spent most of our time here playing cards, fighting the monsters in the surrounding area for the exercise, and sleeping. Not much else to do. We've already explored every corner of the village four or five times over, already seen every rock and flower and sculpture there is to see. I've gotten pretty good at cards. Maybe good enough to challenge Squall when I get back. That is, assuming I ever do. 

I sigh and take a sip of the coffee. It's nice and hot, and it warms my insides as it goes down. A gallon of this and I'll be nice and toasty. 

"Hey," Anda says. He cups his eyes with his hand, placed just above his eyebrows and scans the terrain. "What the hell was that?" 

I follow his gaze, but I see nothing. There's not a trace of life in this barren, hyneforsaken place. "You're seeing things" I tell him and shake my head. 

"No," he whispers. "There it is again. Right over there, past the ridge." 

I follow his gaze. There just past the ridge are what appear to be three Galbadian soldiers and they're marching this way. Finally, some action. 

"Bring it on, baby," I say and hit the panic button that will awaken my other comrade, Jilly Strife who is resting up for her turn at sentry duty in the village below. Knowing Jilly, she won't be pleased to be woken up, but she'll change her attitude once she sees we're about to do battle. 

"There's five now," Anda remarks squinting his eyes against the glare of the snow. "And what appears to be some kind of machine." 

I peer out into the endless field of snow and can barely make out what resembles a giant metal spider. Oh fuck. "It's an X-ATM092" 

"A what?" 

"An X-ATM092. Those things are almost impossible to kill. Better equip Quezalcotl." For the first time, I'm thankful Anda has stocked a buttload of magic. We're going to need it. "If you've got any thunder magic, be prepared to use it." 

Jilly appears, sleepy eyed and very annoyed. "What the hell is so important that you have to interrupt my last hour of sleep?" 

"That's no way to speak to your commanding officer," I remind her, hiding a smile. 

"Get bent _Sir_. Tell me what the ordeal is or I'm going back to bed." 

I think I'm in love Jilly, as crazy as it sounds. First of all, she's a knock out. Blue eyes, dark hair. This perfect heart shaped mouth. But I think if I ever admitted I had a thing for her, she'd knock the crap out of me. She's so bitchy, it's funny. No, in fact, sometimes it's downright hysterical. I just love her personality; her anger is what drives her and her pissy attitude often serves us well on patrol. On her more crabby days, she can slice the crap out of a blue dragon with her Katal without any help from us. I hope she's in one of those moods today, it'll really make this battle easier. "We've got G- army incoming," I tell her and pass her my cup of coffee, which is growing colder by the second. 

I'm feeling panicky, so I begin to swat the air with my fists to work off all the nervous energy. People say I'm a show off, and maybe I am a little, but most of the time, it's because I'm scared out of my wits. Like I am now. G-army or not, I'm really not looking forward to fighting that stupid mechanical insect. G-army I can take out with my eyes closed, but that thing had a special place in my nightmares for months afterward. 

"Those fuckers are going to pay," Jilly mutters and pulls on a warm wool cap to cover her ears. 

We ready ourselves for the first attack. There are now eight soldiers and the X-ATM092. This is getting a little beyond our scope. 

"I count twelve," Anda says, sounding as nervous as I feel. We're now far outnumbered, even if you don't count the oversized piece of junk with them. 

In desperation, I summon Quezalcotl as they approach the village. He appears and lightning shoots from the sky to the ground in a blinding flash. The resulting strike sends a shockwave of electrical energy fifty feet in each direction around my target. The ground shudders and my hair stands on end from all the static energy in the air. 

The X-ATM092 shudders, but continues to march its way toward us. Two of the soldiers have fallen from the attack. I immediately summon him again, hoping if I pound them with the guardian from afar, I'll lessen our chances of being beaten to a pulp. 

"Aww, screw this," Jilly says and rushes the soldiers who are now only yards way from our fox hole. 

"Jilly, no!" I shout, suddenly terrified for her life. Sometimes I think Jilly goes looking for death. I can't believe what a foolish thing she's doing, rushing out into the icy cold to fight ten soldiers and a giant mechanical spider by herself. Brave but stupid. I follow her out with Anda close at my heels. 

Almost immediately, we are showered with bullets fired by the G-army. I feel one pierce my shoulder, pain flaring through my upper body. My guardian, Quezalcotl is KO'ed. This is not good. With the bulk of my magic gone, I must rely on my fists. Still, I keep going. Should I loose, I'll be forever unable to look Squall in the eye, that is, assuming I live through this. He's the one who recommended me for this position against his and everyone else's better judgment. If I fail, I prove everyone right. 

Anda summons Cerebus, who comes instantly. Then, he casts heal and then aura on all of us. I feel the wound close around the bullet, and then unleash a Booya followed by a Meteor Barret on the nearest soldier. He falls dead into the snow. 

Beside me, Jilly slices through another soldier with one sweep of her Katal. The soldier falls, his blood coloring the snow crimson around his dying form. Jilly moves on to the next one without so much as a glance at the fallen soldier. 

Anda is busy spraying bullets into the body of a third soldier, who shakes with the impact of each bullet that enters his form. He too falls into the blood spattered snow. 

Hey, we're not doing so bad. 

With all the soldiers finished off, we are left with only the X-ATM092. This will not be an easy fight.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


I was right in the beginning. When you depend on people, when you need them to feel whole, you're setting yourself up for heartbreak. I'm right back where I started from. I'm alone with no one to care about me anymore. I'm better off alone, I think. I'm too difficult for anyone to deal with for long periods of time, and I don't blame Rinoa for giving up on me. I can't give her what she needs and I know I'll never make her happy, so it's probably best for me to give up the ghost and go on with my life. 

Yeah. Easier said than done. 

I had nightmares all night. In them, I faced Seifer over and over again, as if on a continuous, never ending loop, where in the end, I was defeated by Hyperion countless times. I feel as if I actually did battle all night, my muscles ache, my head thunders and I'm exhausted. It didn't help when I woke up to find four extra passengers aboard the Ragnarok, one of them Rinoa. 

I haven't seen her yet. I think she's hiding from me, and it's probably for the best that I don't see her either. I'm not angry with her; I just can't bear to look at her right now for fear of losing my resolve to go on. Besides that, I don't know what to say to her anymore. I want her back, but I don't think that's up to me and nothing I can do can change it. 

Presently, I stand in the cockpit, where Laguna has given Selphie control of the Ragnarok. I actually feel a little better with Selphie at the controls than Laguna. At least she pays attention to where she's going. 

"Hey Laguna," she quips with an evil grin, "You wanna find out if this baby can do a barrel roll?" 

I'm half afraid she might actually do it. And Laguna, who's apparently never considered the prospect, looks as if he might consent. So much for my confidence in Selphie's competence at the controls. 

"Unless you want me to vomit all over you, don't," I warn. My stomach isn't exactly stable after the amount of boozing I did last night and this threat is somewhat valid. It wouldn't take much for me to lose it. 

"Spoilsport," Selphie pouts and throws me a dirty look. 

A soft beeping noise draws me to a small display screen to the left of the pilot controls. "Uh, guys?" I say, "There's a message here from Garden. How do I receive it?" 

"Push the red button to the left of the screen," Laguna replies and then returns his attention to the control panel. 

I press the button and before me appears an image of Nida and Headmaster Cid. "Go ahead," I say, seeing concern on both their faces. 

"Hello, Squall," Cid says. His normally good humored expression is strained and hardened. "We've got a situation here. I wish you and Quistis had consulted before going off for the weekend. We can't have both the Commander and Assistant Commander off gallivanting around the world on pleasure trips at the same time." 

"I apologize sir. What is the situation?" I ask, worried that something terrible has happened. 

"Early this morning, the Shumi Village was attacked by G-army forces," Nida says, his voice trembling. "We have two injured, one dead from our party." 

I swallow hard. Zell was one of the SeeD's stationed there. I'm deeply concerned but as commander, I can't be biased towards friends, so I only ask, "And the Shumi Tribe?" 

"Nearly annihilated. The village and surrounding areas are now in Galbadian possession," Nida replies, now more confident. "The two injured SeeD's are on their way back to Garden now." 

"Who are they?" I have to ask. 

"Jilly Strife and Zell Dincht." 

Thank Hyne. Zell, for all his annoying tendencies, is still my friend, commander or not. I am thankful for his safety. 

"What are your orders, Sir?" Nida asks. 

My orders? How do I even tackle a situation like this? Do I strike at the source? Do we go reclaim the Shumi lands? Do we wait for another attack? Should we get approval from the two remaining clients before we launch an assault against Galbadia? A thousand questions run through my head as sit there, unable to move. What do I do? 

"Ready our forces," I say, still uncertain of how we should act, "and prepare everyone for travel. We'll depart as soon as we arrive in Balamb." 

"We copy that, Squall," Nida says. "We'll be waiting." 

I sit back and rub my forehead. This is going to be a really long day. Not exactly what I had planned for the afternoon, but what can I do? Oh well. Still have forty minutes to figure out how to handle this situation. 

"Laguna, can you make an announcement for me?" I ask. "I need everyone in the conference room as soon as possible." 

"Sure," he replies and the P.A. system clicks on. 

"Selphie, come with me," I say, gesturing for her to follow. 

"What's going on, Squall?" 

I shrug. "You'll find out soon enough." 

Everyone is waiting when I enter the conference room, everyone except Rinoa. I take a seat, and anxiously await her arrival. When she enters the room, she's red- eyed and pale, and she's wearing her hair differently. There's a different part to it, more off to the side than she usually wears it. I'm still amazed at how long her hair has grown. Must have been really absorbed with work not to notice how long it's gotten. 

"Everyone have a seat," I say, standing and facing the large picture window at the front of the room. We are above open waters, and all I see before me is blue on blue, an endless expanse of cerulean and turquoise. With a sigh, I begin to speak. "Shumi Village was attacked by the G-army this morning." 

There is a collective gasp from the group. 

"Zell was stationed there, wasn't he?" Selphie asks. I can hear the concern in her voice. 

"He and Jilly Strife were injured, Anda Doral was killed, along with almost every Shumi in the village." This is damn depressing. I hate being the bearer of bad news. I turn to look at my comrades and they all seem shocked. I understand their feelings. We'd never dreamed Galbadia would actually attack the village, despite the Shumi involvement of SeeD in their attempts to gain the freedom of the enslaved Moombas. The Shumi's have never been a threat to anyone, and SeeD presence was there for protection purposes only. 

Rinoa's face expresses a different emotion than anyone else's, something other than shock. In hers, I see anger bordering on rage. Her jaw is set; her eyes are hard and cold. I know she's silently cursing her father, hating him more than ever before. I can see in her eyes that she wants vengeance. She wants justice. 

I love Rinoa for her keen sense of justice. She has a compassionate heart, and she's never been able to tolerate the suffering of others or injustice perpetrated against others by those that wish to rule the lives of innocent people. It's clear from her expression this is something she feels deeply about, and has already become deeply involved with. Hell, she was handling the negotiations between the Shumi and Galbadia. No doubt, she blames herself for what has occurred. 

"Don't blame yourself, Rinoa," I say softly. "It's not your fault." 

Rather than responding, she turns her face away from me, unable to meet my gaze. 

"So what are we going to do?" Quistis asks. 

"I was thinking we'd attack the source." I reply. "Assuming the Timber and Dollet agree. They might even be prepared to back us up." 

"I want in," Rinoa says, her face still turned away so that I can't see her eyes. "I want to be the one to confront him. And then, I want to cut his head off." 

These words are startling, and there is a loud silence as all eyes turn to her. Every one of us is shocked by the coldness in her voice and by hateful way she said it. 

"Rinoa, we need you at Garden. We need to keep in contact with the two other clients involved in this," Xu said, sounding a little uncomfortable. "They trust you, and only you." 

"I don't care. I'm going." She folds her arms as she looks up at me. Her gaze is frigid as her eyes focus on me, and only me, unblinking and full of anger. 

"Xu's right," I tell her. 

"I'm going." 

"Rinoa," I say as I kneel in front of her and hold her gaze in mine. I know if I tell her to stay, she'll sneak out and go anyway. Maybe get herself killed. "You want this that badly?" 

"Yes." Her voice is firm and smooth and hisses just slightly on the end of the word. 

"We're going to attack Caraway head on?" Quistis asks. "Rinoa, he's your father." 

"He's nothing to me anymore." She stands, not looking at anyone, and exits the room, leaving us all feeling disturbed. How many of us in this room would have given anything to grow up with a father, rather than in an orphanage and a military school? It almost seems sacrilege to denounce one's father. But I try to understand her hatred for him. Rinoa had a special relationship with the Shumi and Caraway knew it. Was it a deliberate attempt to punish her for shutting him out of her life? A way to get back at her for trying to force him to release the Moombas? 

I turn and face the window, staring out again at the sea. Barely visible in the distance is a sugar white line that I know is the beach near Balamb. We'll be there soon. 

I feel uneasy. I don't know if I've made the right decision. Uncertainty makes me uneasy. It makes me question myself and my motives. I begin to question my abilities. Nevertheless, I can sense that an uncertain future awaits all of us. I sense that things are about to get ugly and that maybe, after this, things will never be the same again.   
  
  
  
  


Who is "Squall?" Ever so often, I open my mouth, and this name comes out of it, leaving me dumbfounded and slightly disconnected. When I utter it, I feel a pang of loss, a need for this person, this man, that I've never, ever felt before. It feels as if I'm a young girl again, pining away for a lover who is lost to me. There's a deep ache in my chest and I become slightly breathless. 

I loved once, you know. Before I became what I am now, or, what I was. When I was a girl, barely sixteen, I loved a man who did not love me back. I loved him deeply, and I foolishly gave myself to him. Foolishly let him bed me, thinking he'd make me a woman and love me forever. I dreamed of being his wife, of bearing his children, two sons and a daughter, and growing old together. But, as men often do when a girl gives herself to him too freely, he lost interest and left me all alone. 

It was then that I came into my own as a sorceress. The rage I felt when he left me standing alone in the falling snow was more than enough to strengthen my resolve and propel me into a disastrous fury. I unleashed my pain and wrath against the people of the world. I conned the prideful fools of Esthar into believing they would inherit the world if they followed my guidance. Fearful of my powers, they readily obeyed my every command. They gave me my hearts desire and bought into every lie I sold them. 

And I don't feel any regret. Pitiful fools. All of them. 

But that was a long time ago. I am Adel the Sorceress now. I am feared but respected. Loathed but revered. I am weak now, but in due time, I will regain my strength. I feel it in my soul. I've no need for love. The very idea of it is alien to me. I am as incapable of love as I am of mercy. Mercy and love are sentiments of the weak. 

And the first order of business will be destroying that damned fool Laguna. He must be destroyed. He's an imbecile, yes, but I was wrong to underestimate him. Laguna was the cause of my undoing, he and Dr. Odine. The only reason I spare Odine is because he has promised to bring me the knight who will stand by my side without fear or question. 

"Squall," I hear myself whisper in the darkness that surrounds me. "I'm lost." 

I am perplexed. This is not my voice, these words are not mine. 

Who's there? 

My only answer is the silent room around me. That terrible longing inside fills me with a need to find him. I shall die without Squall by my side. Is Squall the name of my Knight? Is he the one destined to betray Rinoa unto me? 

I must wait patiently for this answer. There's no use in searching for the answer at present, for I have been weakened by my lengthy slumber. When my strength returns, I shall seek him out. I can not tolerate this duality which I feel when his name rolls from my tongue. Love has no place in my world. It's a lie, plain and simple. 

Odine had better bring Rinoa to me, and soon. 

Rinoa. I can feel her within me. She is the same as I. Descendent of Hyne. She is my rival and my sister, my destiny. Together, we would be unstoppable. It's a pity that one of us will fall by the wayside on our journey to destruction.   
  
  
  
  


Dollet is mounting an army. What can I do but show up? They may not want me, but I'll be damned if I sit around while a war is going on, twiddling my thumbs and drinking my life away. Seifer Almasy is not the type to sit around and loaf when there's action to be had. Not when there's a chance to reclaim my reputation as a world class warrior. Not when there's the fame and glory of heroism to be had. 

I spent all day honing the broken tip of my gunblade into a razor sharp edge again. The blade is shorter by three inches, but the tip now has a slightly in-turned curve, so that should I bring my blade down upon someone, it will tear into them as a hook might. Brutal, but effective. Even if I merely snag a body with this, they'll be in a world of hurt. 

"Almasy, Seifer D." I announce as an older man with a battle hardened face stands before me, eyeing me up and down, sizing me up. 

"Ain't you that punk that got all them people killed?" 

"Unfortunately so, sir." Regrettable, yes. But let's be honest; there's no denying who I am. "I'm reporting for duty, Sir." 

The man makes a chuffing noise and smirks. "That the same gunblade you used to murder people?" 

"Yes sir," I reply. People will never forget. I will always be murderer to some, there's no getting around that. But this is my chance to be the hero I was destined to be. 

"Ain't got no place for you here, son. Go on home." He turns away and moves on to the next young man, a pimple faced boy who appears to be about to wet himself. 

This wasn't what I expected. They're supposed to laud my abilities and crown me a leader, questionable past or not. 

"Sir, I feel you have made a mistake by judging me so soon," I say to his back. I'm consciously not speaking to him with disrespect. Sometimes, kissing ass gets you what you want, and I'm sure this man will buy it. "I'm probably the most skilled fighter here. You'd be a fool to pass me up. I have more battle experience under my belt than I care to admit, faced countless monsters and fought one of the toughest men in the world a number of times and walked away with only minor injuries." 

"Is that so?" the man turns back to me. "And who is that?" 

"Squall Leonhart. I trained with him at Balamb Garden, under the supervision of Quistis Trepe." I know these names will ring a bell with him. Both have received massive attention in the past two years, along with the four others in their party. The party that includes my Rinoa. 

_My_ Rinoa? 

"Well," he appears to be reconsidering. "all right. But if you do anything stupid, you're gone. Don't want no attitude, no talking back and no going against orders. Understand?" 

"Yes, sir." Yes! I'm set. Hell, I should be commanding this army. I probably have more collective experience in my thumb than all these fresh faced boys that surround me combined. 

Not only is this my attempt for regaining the respect I once had, it's also a way to get away from Fujin and Raijin. As friends, I love them dearly. But they have their own lives now. Somehow, it feels wrong to continue interfering with what they share, the future that is now mapped out for them. And I can't be a third wheel to anyone. 

I have other reasons too, but only one reason stands out above the rest. She is the missing piece in my life. That one attainable thing I could never comprehend and never understood that I was missing. Now attainable, I must do everything in my power to lure her back into my life. 

Beyond that, I need to make reparations for what I've done, so that in her eyes, and the world's eyes, I shall be scrubbed clean of the blood that stains my existence. 

Maybe I'm lying to myself again. It could be that my hopes will never live up to what happens in reality. That's the story of my life. 

Man, Seifer, what's happened to you? One night with a girl and you turn into a big romantic fool again. Not just any girl, though. Rinoa. The girl Squall had and lost. The girl I lost to him. The girl I could never forget about. 

I have showed up to fight, but it's my intention not to just fight, but to lead Dollet to that ever-elusive freedom from Galbadia's iron reign. I want glory. I could give a damn about Dollet and it's people. I'm their Achilles heel, the citizen they wish would find another city to terrorize. But I don't want to be forgotten. I want my name to live on in the history books, not as a traitor, but a hero. 

And if I have anything to do with it, a hero I shall be. 

Soon, I am handed a small envelope containing my assignment. Carefully I open it and read it's contents. "Assault party," it says. What the hell is this? Does this mean I'm going to be on the front lines in battle? 

"For those of you assigned to Base team," the hard-faced man announces, "You will remain here at camp. You will be directly communicating with Sorceress Rinoa Heartilly." There is a gasp from the crowd. Too bad these people don't know her like I do. They're afraid of her, despite the kindness she has showed the people of this town. "She is our link to Garden and its SeeD forces. Rest assured, she can be trusted." 

Sorceress Rinoa Heartilly. Hyne, I love the sound of that. 

"Those of you assigned to the Defense team will also remain here. However, your duties will include patrolling the city and providing defenses against any invasion we might encounter," he continues. "And finally, those of you assigned to the Assault team will travel to Deling City, where you will assist in a direct assault against the powers that be. If you are assigned to this team, report directly to the train station following this announcement." 

This is exactly what I'd hoped for. This is my chance to prove my worthiness to the world, it's a chance to redeem myself. I know I've been assigned to this team, not because of my abilities, but because it's easier to get rid of Seifer than to deal with him. Little did they know this is precisely what I wanted. Fools. 

The old man proceeds to make a corny speech about freedom, justice and the Dollet way. I pay little attention to what he has to say, and instead picture myself leading the attack on the president and his corrupt henchmen, slicing through numerous G-army soldiers and reclaiming my title as a brave man. 

And maybe, If I'm lucky, when it's all said and done, Rinoa will be mine.   
  


+++++   
Notes   
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I'm determined to finish this....the dog doo will soon be hitting the fan, rest assured readers. 


	6. Who Are You And What Did You Do With Rin...

**BROKEN WINGS**

****

**Chapter 6**

_Who Are You and What Did You Do With Rinoa?_

I sit alone in a small observation room above the women's area of the training center, twelve hours away from Galbadia, watching Rinoa blow off a little steam. Her is hair pulled back into a pony tail and hangs down her back in sweaty tangles, perspiration marks her brow, and her cheeks are flushed with either exertion or anger, I can't tell which. She wears a navy blue tank bra with the garden logo emblazoned on the front, and a pair of short matching spandex. It's the standard gym uniform for female SeeDs and Cadets, and I've never really paid attention before, but it's pretty sexy. Especially on Rinoa. 

She's been working out lately. I can see it in the trimness of her figure, her well-muscled arms and toned legs, her tight abdomen. Not to mention the skill and technique she's developed. I never even noticed that she'd been working out. 

There's so much about her that I've overlooked in the last few months. Have I driven her to be so hardened on the inside, so determined? I missed out on all the changes that were taking place with her, mentally and physically. Am I so blind? How could I have let myself be so involved with work that I didn't see all this happening right in front of me? 

This observation room is meant for instructors and staff only. Cadets and SeeD's never know when they're being watched, and I don't intend for her to know that I'm here. It's not like I'm stalking her. I'm worried about her. Her behavior has been so erratic lately, so strange and uncharacteristic of her that my concern runs deep for her well being and sanity. The sweet Rinoa I used to know has changed in some fundamental way, changing her very personality, and I worry that whatever she's going through might change her forever. 

She's training with Selphie and Jilly Strife, the SeeD whom was stationed with Zell in Trabia. Already, Jilly has recovered. Her injuries were minor, but Zell, he's in a light coma, thanks to a mild but still serious concussion. Dr. Kadowaki says he should pull out of it soon. I'm thankful he wasn't seriously injured. Life without Zell might be kind of dull. 

I watch silently as Selphie produces two blindfolds and ties one each around Jilly and Rinoa's eyes. Both girls take a fighter's stance. What the hell is Rinoa doing? She's fighting Jilly? Selphie I can see, but Jilly, well, she's one of our best, and she's particularly skilled in hand to hand, though she generally fights with Katal. She's given most of the guys at Garden a run for their money in this kind of forum. I get the feeling Rinoa's about to get her ass handed to her on a tray of hotdogs by one Jilly Strife. 

Garden policy states that during hand to hand training, both parties are to wear protective garments on hands, head and feet, and neither of them are up to code. Their hands and feet are bare, their heads only covered by the blindfolds. 

What I see before me looks much like a carefully choreographed dance segment. Rinoa throws a perfect punch, which Jilly swiftly avoids by ducking out of the way. This is followed by a spinning round kick from Jilly, dodged easily by Rinoa's stealthy sidestep. I watch with interest as the scene progresses, neither girl landing a solid hit on the other. Rinoa's better than I thought. 

I am surprised when Jilly falls to the mat, victim of a well executed front snap kick by Rinoa. Jilly is clearly not amused. She lunges blindly for Rinoa, but Rinoa is one step ahead of her and easily flips Jilly over her hip, sending her back to the floor. I laugh, glad to see Jilly take a few hits. Jilly's good, but she's cocky, and perhaps she could benefit from a good beating. 

It feels good to laugh. How long's it been? Months I think. 

Before me, however, the scene goes from ugly to downright brutal. Jilly has Rinoa by the hair, using dirty tactics to take her opponent down. Rinoa however counters with a sharp jab of her elbow to Jill's pretty face, sending the girl reeling away from her. 

Instead of ending the fight, Rinoa turns on her for more, going after Jilly with her fists this time, boxing style, unrelenting as she bloodies Jilly's nose and lips. She pounds Jilly's face repeatedly, dancing around her like a champion boxer as she dodges Jilly's meager attempts to strike out at her. I know I should go in there and stop them, but I'm riveted by Rinoa's newfound strength. Selphie sits at the edge of the mat, as entranced as I and doing absolutely nothing to stop this spectacle. 

Jilly has regained her strength and sends a hard uppercut to Rinoa's left jaw. Rinoa is stunned, but only momentarily, then executes a stunning sweep with her bare right foot, sending Jilly to the mat once more. 

This time Jilly doesn't get up. She's breathing hard and smiling up at Rinoa, who has placed her foot on Jilly's chest. Rinoa is smiling too. Almost reluctantly, Rinoa lets Jilly up from the floor, and both remove their blindfolds, grinning at one another. They shake hands and sit, legs crisscrossed, beside Selphie. They both laugh and chat as if the vicious fight had not just ensued. Selphie produces a packet of gauze and a bottle of what looks like antiseptic. 

First of all, the skill level I have just seen from Rinoa is far beyond what I thought she was capable of. Two years ago, Rinoa's physical attacks had left something to be desired. She was a good shot, of course, but she simply sucked when it came down to using her fists. 

Second, when did she find time to complete all this training? From what I've just seen, she could lay Zell out in a matter of minutes, even blindfolded. This is, well, a little unbelievable. It all seems so strange, so curious that she's come this far, and I don't understand her at all anymore. 

Reluctantly, I leave my place in the observation room and enter the small door that opens into the training area. The three girls are laughing and giggling as Jill peppers her sentences with creative swears as she tends to her wounds. 

"Squall!" Selphie exclaims, a look that is half delight, half worry on her elfin face. "You just missed the most incredible fight!" 

"Um, actually, I saw that," I mutter. I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I am curious as to when Rinoa developed this . . . power. 

"You were spying on us?" Rinoa asks suddenly angry. 

"Well," My cheeks flame. "Look, Rinoa, can I talk with you for a minute?" 

She turns her face away from me as she did aboard the Ragnarok. It's as if she can't bear to look me in the eyes anymore. "Is it important?" 

I shrug. "Kind of." 

She nods and follows me out of the room and into the observation deck. 

"What's this about?" she asks coolly. 

I hesitate. There's something about her demeanor that I find dangerous. Maybe it's the beating she just gave Jilly, but I don't think it's that. She emanates this aura of impending violence, as if by being in the same room with her I am endangering myself. "Are you ok?" I ask cautiously. 

"I'm fine," she replies, her eyes hard. Funny, I don't remember them being this color. They're kind of a calico mixture of brown and green and blue. Weren't they just plain brown before? This is strange. Either I'm seeing things or I'm loosing my mind. 

With a shrug, I say, "You haven't seemed yourself lately, that's all. I'm just worried about you." 

She cocks her head to the side, a little arrogantly. "Squall, I can take care of myself." 

Where have I heard those words before? Hyne, she sounds just like me. 

I rub my scar with my hand, and absent gesture which always gives me away. 

"What?" she asks. 

"Will you reconsider this mission? I know you can handle yourself, but we really need you here." I don't want her anywhere near this mission. Not only for her safety, but for her sanity as well. It's bad enough that we're going after her father, but it's even worse that she wants to witness the assassination. 

"I am not going to sit behind some desk while you get to reaffirm your status as boy-hero. I'm more involved in this than you are, and last time I checked, you didn't give a damn about anyone but yourself." She fires at me. There's a strange light in her eyes, something opaque and pulsing. It's there for only a second, but I shakes me to the core. 

I look down at my hands. "That's not true," I say. "I give a damn about you. I wouldn't be talking to you right now if I didn't. You know it." 

"That's a load of . . . ." she says and then cuts off, looking guilty. "I'm sorry. I'm under a lot of stress right now, and I'd appreciate it if you'd just stop worrying yourself about it and leave me alone. I'm _fine_." 

"I'll leave you alone under one condition," I say reluctantly. "Go see Dr. Kadowaki, even if it's just to talk out whatever it is you're going through." 

She eyes me cautiously, and then approaches me. Her hands gently cup my face and a shiver races down my spine. Her hands are cold and here lips are just inches away from mine. "I'll go see the doctor if you do something for me." 

"Anything . . ." I whisper. She's enchanted me with her voice and her eyes. I feel powerless against her, but I would do anything to keep her safe. Her touch is enough to drive me over the edge. 

What she hisses in my ear raises gooseflesh along my arms and back. It's a terrible thing she's asked me to do. 

She presses her body close to mine and her arms wrap around my neck. Her lips are at my throat and I find I'm unable to respond to her request. All I can do is react to her touch and to her mouth as it finds mine. She's as sweet as she was before, and for a moment I remember all the things that made me love her in the first place. All the things I missed about her while I worked on the latest Garden crisis. I remember all the nights I sat up working late, wishing to go to her. 

How many nights had she lain awake in her bed longing for me? 

Maybe it's not too late. 

I can't think. I'm under some kind of spell. 

It is then that I notice the tattoo-like lines on the left side of her face. They're faint, but they're there. Pale, gray-white lines have appeared, extending from her hairline to her jaw in feather-like shapes. She notices me looking and wipes her hair down to cover them as if she's embarrassed. Then she takes a step back from me, and her eyes are full of tears. For a moment, I see the real Rinoa in her, then her eyes harden again and she turns her face away from me. 

At least I know the source of her strength and confusion. She's beginning to develop her powers as a Sorceress. 

"Will you do what I asked?" she says. 

Reluctantly, I nod. 

"Then I'll go see Dr. K, like you asked." 

She won't meet my eyes now. Would she be angry with me if I kissed her again? Probably. It now seems like her attention was nothing more than a ploy to get me to agree. It hurts to think she might play with my emotions that way, knowing how I feel about her. I don't want to believe this to be true, but there's a possibility that it is. 

"We'll be in Deling in about twelve hours," I say to her and look away. "You should get some rest." 

"Rest?" she says with a sour laugh. "I'm just warming up."   
  
  


I am going mad from this incessant duality. She is within me, taking over my thoughts, my personality. This must be remedied or I shall surely fail in my objective. Just this morning, rather than snarling at that crazy little idiot, Odine, I actually thanked him for bringing me something to eat. A sorceress like myself does not thank lowly servants like Odine. 

I think more and more about this Squall. At least now I have a face to go with the name. He is the young man whom defeated me before, the son of Laguna. Her memories are within me too. There are many battles, many moments of frustration and fear. But there are also moments of incomprehensible joy. Like the moment Rinoa's lips first meet his. Their first date. Their first dance. There are flashes of moments when their eyes meet, and some tiny exchange of affection occurs. 

My face screws up into a scowl at this. Bah. What a romantic fool. Love and joy are things I haven't felt in years. I've no need for them now. Yet, with her inside me, I feel a great sense of loss, an anguish for memories of my own, deeply buried in my past. I haven't cried since I was a girl, yet the tears freely stream down my face now, hot and alien against my cold cheeks. I haven't thought of my greatest loss of all in years, yet now it's as clear as the day it happened. After all this time, I still ache for the child I gave up. 

There was another man in my life. One that I had long forgotten. He'd been a man of high rank and esteem, though I don't recall where he was from, I remember his name. It was twenty years ago. I had already begun my reign of hatred, wishing to conquer the world, when I met this man. He was handsome, dashing and terribly charming. He'd come to Esthar, seeking peace, though he threatened retaliation should I continue my antics. But, like most men, he couldn't resist me, and fell easily into my trap. It didn't take much to get him into my bed, to woo him into my arms. Surprisingly little, if you ask me. One might think such an esteemed gentleman would have better sense than to sleep with the enemy, but he was as easily lead astray as any teen aged boy might have been. 

I'd told him I was pregnant with his child, but he only laughed and made a flippant remark about my virtue and returned to his homeland. The baby came in the summer. She was beautiful and so frighteningly tiny. Her little hands were so perfect, her little feet were angelic. I loved her fully, as I have loved no other in my life, and never since. Just before that damned fool Odine ripped her from my arms, I gave her a name. Sophie. Beautiful little Sophie Caraway, just hours old was taken from me, and I never saw her again. She'd be nineteen now, providing that Odine didn't screw up and kill her with his idiotic tests. 

I don't know what her name is now. I don't care, maybe. 

Disgusted with myself for thinking about this little sob story of mine, I pace the room Odine has locked me in. It's a sealed cage from which I can not escape. There is a very strong barrier here, and my powers are still weak. Curse him! I pound at the walls, knowing he can hear me in his laboratory above. I know he can see me from the windows. He is studying me, and I know what he has in store for me. He will undoubtedly turn me over to Laguna, but this time, Laguna shall not win. 

Is Laguna's son the one meant to be my knight? Or is that an honor meant for the Other? I still don't know the answer to this. It is difficult to be patient, even if I am becoming more like her. 

I feel in my mind Rinoa is drawing closer to me. I sense her confusion, her duality is the same as mine, Her destiny is already laid out, and the steps she has chosen will bring her soon to me. 

I eagerly await her arrival.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


As we march toward Deling City, armed and ready for battle, I feel that old, familiar panic and excitement course through my veins. How I've missed this thrilling feeling while locked away in my office on the third floor. How did I ever let myself trade this for paperwork and meetings? I grip my gunblade in my gloved right hand, feeling its weight in my upper arm. It feels good there, familiar. 

Rinoa flanks me on the right; Quistis on the left, Irvine, Selphie and Jilly are a few paces behind. Angelo follows somewhere in the distance, though out of sight. Anxiously, I glance at Rinoa, who is armed not only with her own weapon, but also carries an assault rifle, slung across her back, and a small dagger of Shiva, which is strapped to her thigh. Despite my worries about her, I can't say that she's not adequately prepared. Her face is of stone, her step confident, as if she believes only in her own success. 

She reminds me of the way Seifer used to be. 

We walk in an uncomfortable silence, unable to express our concern for her and our lack of confidence in ourselves. Her determination to take out the man who gave her life is something none of us understand, despite what he's done. The old Rinoa, as furious as she would be, would have considered imprisonment and extreme negotiation tactics, but never execution. 

It is me she expects to commit the act, and I foolishly agreed to it. 

With all the changes in Rinoa's personality, one thing remains constant, and that is the conviction of her beliefs. She is still committed to granting the freedom of Dollet, Timber and the Shumi Village, though there are but a handful left of the peaceful, quiet citizens, and she is dead serious about taking action against Galbadia and it's corrupt president for destroying what was not theirs to take. Still, the means she intends to use are questionable, if not down right unethical, even given the position we're in. But, I'm at a loss for another way to solve the situation. Galbadia only believes in violent tactics to obtain their goal. They always have, and I don't see any other way around this. 

As we reach the city limits of Deling, it is clear that Dollet forces have already breached the city and begun their assault against their captors. Bodies litter the streets. Both G-army soldiers and those from Dollet lay in puddles of blood on the ground; some cut down by gunfire, others by swords. Explosions rock the city center, not far away from where we stand, and billows of smoke rise from the shopping district. Much of the city appears to be in ruins. Buildings have crumbled from mortar and bombs, storefronts are shattered, glass spills out into the street. 

Beside me, Rinoa has drawn the assault rifle and carries it as if she were a well-seasoned soldier with years of training behind her. Hell, maybe she does. There is much I don't know about her these days. She is confident still; her head held high, her step unfaltering. 

"Just as we talked about," I tell the rest of the group. We will divide up into three parties, two per group - me and Rinoa, Selphie and Irvine, Quistis and Jilly. As we pair up and head our separate ways, a second explosion rocks the city and a huge, dark plume of smoke rises from the direction of the Presidential Residence. 

Though this residence is intended for the head of Galbadian government, President Caraway has never once used the place as his home. He still resides in the mansion Rinoa grew up in, thus giving us a tactical advantage against him. Rinoa knows a secret way inside via the sewer system, which leads to a series of secret passages within the house. However, she and I are not going in that way. Selphie, who already knows the way, will lead Irvine through the maze beneath the streets, while Quistis and Jilly will patrol the outside of the mansion, taking out G-army forces as needed. Rinoa and I are going in the front door, by means of force if need be. 

Two G-army soldiers approach, armed and ready to do battle. Rinoa fires upon them, cutting them down before I have a chance to even draw my blade. Startled and feeling a little slow, I follow her into an narrow alleyway, which is dark and reeks of garbage. "We're taking a short cut," she says. I sense that aura of violence about her once more, afraid of what she's leading me into, afraid of what she might actually go through with. 

Rinoa spies a G-army motorcycle parked at the end of the alley and turns to me with a grin. "Let's go for a ride." Without waiting for an answer, she hops onto the motorcycle and starts it easily. It's motor purrs, and she disengages the kick stand, keeping the bike stable with her feet and her arms. "Get on!" she calls over her shoulder as she revs the engine. 

I reluctantly climb onto the back of the bike, now concerned for both of us. She hands me her rifle and says, "Take out anyone in our way." 

"Who's the commander, you or me?" I ask, angry that she's taken over the mission without my permission. I may hate being commander, but in her current state of mind, Rinoa is the last person I'd give a leadership position to. It seems, however that she has taken control, and I have given it to her. 

"Just hang on and do it," she demands. 

"Do you even know how to drive this thing?" She's gonna get us killed. 

"Of course I do," she replies. "Keep your knees in and lean in on the turn. If you fight it, you throw my center of gravity off." With one last rev of the motorcycle's screaming 900-cc engine, she hits the gas and we are on the move. With one hand, I hold the shotgun, with the other, I cling to Rinoa's diminutive waist. This is a difficult thing to pull off as we tear through the streets of Deling City at a break-neck speed. 

She handles the motorcycle well, as if she'd been riding one all her life. This should surprise me, but after everything she's done lately, the shock of her irregular behavior is starting to wear off. I'm forced to admit that I don't know her as well as I thought I did. 

Up ahead, six G-army soldiers are engaged in battle with a lone Dollet soldier. I fire upon them, spraying bullets as we pass. Four of them fall, leaving the soldier to handle the remaining two. He waves his hand in appreciation as we leave him in the distance. 

We are nearing the Caraway Mansion, coming closer with each second, and I can see the roof of the building in the distance. So. This is it. It's all or nothing now. I hope Rinoa knows what she's doing. 

Instead of parking the bike near her father's home and walking the rest of the way, Rinoa steers the machine up the sidewalk that leads to the door. Gunning the engine, she says, "Duck and hold on." I wrap my arms around her waist just in time, as we crash through the front door and speed into the grand foyer, wood splintering on impact with a sharp crack. 

The motorcycle slides out from under us, its engine moaning in protest. I am stunned when I hit the hard marble floor, my breath knocked from my lungs. Pain shoots through my body, dizzying and hot. Nearby, Rinoa is already getting to her feet. 

"Get up," she demands, impatience in her voice. 

Slowly, I stand. A sharp pain in my left knee sends shock waves of pain through my entire left side. "Shit," I swear and hand her the rifle, leaning against the wall for support. I feel as though I might throw up from the nauseating ache, though I resist the urge and try to stand straight. My knee won't support my weight, however, and I topple over, almost falling again to the hard floor. With one hand placed against the wall, I lean heavily, dizzy from the pain. 

Rinoa casts cure, relieving the ache somewhat, though not entirely. It's enough, though to prevent my knee from giving out beneath me. "Let's do this before I loose my nerve," she says, looking uncertain. 

I hadn't realized that lack of nerve was a problem for her. She'd seemed so sure of herself. "You sure this is what you want?" 

She nods and heads up the stairs, rifle tucked under her arm, ready in case we meet resistance along the way. I follow her to the office where we first met her father, some time ago. For a moment, she hesitates, listening at the door. There are voices from behind it, though we can not understand a word of what is said. So Caraway has company. Guards, I presume. 

With a swift, hard kick, Rinoa bursts through the door, me close behind her. Caraway indeed has company, but not the kind of company we expected. Two dead guards lay on each side of the door; slash marks mar their chests, mortal wounds that could only be caused by a gunblade. 

Seifer Almasy stands in the middle of the room, leaning nonchalantly on his gunblade, as our target sits tied to a chair. He is has been gagged with a thick piece of red cloth, his hands fastened to the arms of the chair with nylon rope, knotted several times. Seifer grins at us with pride, his gloves are smeared with blood, his coat spotted with it. "You like my work?" He asks, clearly pleased with himself. I'd say he was gloating, perhaps because he called our move, or perhaps just because he's twisted that way. 

"Seifer, what the hell are you doing?" Rinoa demands as she trains the gun on his gut. 

"Rinoa!" he exclaims, his sneer changing to a happy smile at the sight of her, then to a look of confusion at the sight of the rifle pointing at him. 

Caraway makes a strange choked noise beneath the gag, drawing Rinoa's attention to her father. She slowly walks to where he sits and kneels before him, her face level with his. "Hello, daddy," she says in a strange, soft voice. Sarcasm drips from her words, her face is hard. "I'm sure you know why I'm here." 

Caraway makes a sound of protest beneath the cloth, but the words are incomprehensible. Savagely, Rinoa rips the gag from his mouth. "What was that?" 

He gasps for air, panting from fear. "I said I'll do anything you want. Just spare me." 

Rinoa's head cocks to the side in that arrogant manner that reminds me too much of Seifer. "A little too late to negotiate, don't you think? You've already destroyed a village of peaceful creatures, for no reason at all." 

"We had word they were planning an attack on us!" Caraway screeches, his face pale and full of fear. 

"That's a lie," Rinoa says drawing closer, so that her face is just inches from his. She whispers something that neither Seifer nor I can hear, but which makes her father tremble. "The Shumi don't even own weapons, you fool." 

Behind Seifer, a panel opens, revealing Irvine and Selphie. The count now stands at five against one. 

"Holy mother of Hyne," Irvine breathes. 

"Seifer?" Selphie asks, astounded. "What are you doing here?" 

"Came with the Dollet Army," He replies, looking Irvine up and down with some disdain. "You stink, Cowboy." 

Irvine shrugs and secures his hat upon his head. "It's my new cologne, Eu de Sewer. Like it?" 

Seifer chuffs and spits in Irvine's general direction. 

"Asshole," Irvine mutters under his breath. 

I half expect Seifer to turn on him and beat the crap out of him. But he doesn't. He merely waves his hand and chuckles, dismissing the remark. 

Across the room, Rinoa is still whispering to her father as she holds his chin cupped in her hands. He is pale, his eyes wide in fear. She smiles at him and laughs lightly, "Daddy, It's going to be so much fun," we hear her say. I can't help but exchange a confused glance with Seifer, who understands this statement no more than I. I can barely believe she's calling him daddy, when before she couldn't bear to even refer to him as her father. 

"She wants vengeance for what you've done," she continues, sounding terribly sincere, "and I think you deserve her wrath." 

What the hell is she talking about? What she is Rinoa referring to? 

"Rinoa, let's get this over with," I say as a third explosion shakes the very floor we stand on. This one is much closer than the two others, and I fear we may fall victim to our own side by being in the wrong place at the wrong time. 

"Yeah, those bombs are getting closer," Selphie says, her brow wrinkled in concern. 

Rinoa glances back to me, her eyes full of tears. Is she backing down? No. Her face is still determined, still hardened by her convictions. For a second, her gaze lingers upon me, and then turns to Seifer. For what seems an eternity, she stares at him, and then finally nods, as if to herself. Turning back to her father, she says quietly, "That's all the time I have for you daddy." 

My knee aches as I stand, tense awaiting her next move. I have resigned my command to her without even meaning to. I watch as she stands and tosses her hair over her shoulder. She turns to me and nods. "Kill him." 

I can't do it. My body seems paralyzed under her expectant gaze. This is the coward's way, to kill him as he sits tied to a chair with no way to fight back. He can not run, can not defend himself. I can not bring myself to lift my blade and bring it down upon him as he sits bound before me. I can not fight an adversary who, however corrupt, is still helpless. 

"Squall!" she bellows at me, her eyes fiery upon me. "Do it." 

"Are you chickening out, hero boy?" Seifer laughs, eyeing me with disbelief. His gunblade leans against his shoulder, gleaming in the overhead lights. "Allow me, Rinoa. It would be an honor to carry out your wishes." 

She nods without looking at him. He grins and saunters his way to Caraway, who shudders in fear. "Please," he begs, "Rinoa, don't do this!" 

"You are already dead to me," she says and indicates for Seifer to finish what I can't even bear to begin. 

Seifer raises is gunblade above his head and brings it down upon President Caraway, slicing into his body without hesitation. He brings it down a second time, slashing open Caraway's throat. Red is all I see, all that I can focus on. Caraway's blood flows freely from his wounds as he gasps his dying breath. 

Rinoa smiles at Seifer in a way I've never seen her look at anyone but me. Her expression is something akin to adoration, maybe love. In my chest, my heart pounds as she smiles up at him. "Good work," she tells him, squeezing his hand with her own. To the rest of us, she says, "Let's get back to Garden." 

I am still riveted to the same spot, unable to lift my gaze from the dead man tied to the chair. 

I feel sick.   
  
  
  



	7. Going it Alone

**BROKEN WINGS**

**_A FFVIII Fan Fiction_**

**Chapter 7**

_Going it Alone_

"What do you mean, Azel has awakened?" I scream at Dr. Odine, panicky and furious. "You promised me you wouldn't wake her up!" 

"I made no such promise!" Odine fires back at me. "She voke up on her own. I had nosing to do vith zat." 

"You do realize she'll kill us. We're as good as dead," I tell him, pulling at my shirt collar, which suddenly feels too tight. 

This is the worst news I've heard yet. Attempted invasion by Galbadian troops, I can handle. Monster infestations in the suburbs, ok. Crime on the west side, fine. All that I can handle, but this news is just a little more than I want to deal with. Odine seems to forget how terribly, utterly _insane_ his captive sorceress is. He regards her as little more than his latest pet and he's completely unaware of the idiotic risk he's taking by letting her live. 

"It vas amazing!" Odine continues, excited. "The vings. You should have seen them!" 

"Excuse me. Azel has awakened, and you're babbling on about wings?! A mad, powerful sorceress wants us dead and you're standing here telling me about WINGS?!" I scream at him. "You're as crazy as she is!" 

"........................" Ward gives me a knowing look. 

"This is not the time to make jokes at my expense Ward," I tell him. 

"How many times do I have to say it, Laguna. It's Adel," Kiros says with a roll of his eyes. "Perhaps we should give SeeD a call?" 

"I've already tried twice today. Everyone who can help me is on assignment in Galbadia." I reply, still fuming over Odine's stupidity. "Squall, Rinoa, all of them." 

"Excuse me, but ve are talking about Adel," Odine cuts in, indignant that we are not making him the center of attention. He's rather like a child in that aspect. 

"Ahhh!" I scream, frustrated. I don't even want to hear her name. It gives me cold chills to think about what she'll do to me if she were ever to get her hands on me. Odine should be worried too, but he's not. 

"She iz still weak," Odine continues. "Ve may be able to contain her powers for a few more days, sree, four at ze most. Zis is promising." 

"So, I'll just go in there, guns blazing and take her out," I suggest. 

"NO!" Odine bellows at me, pointing his crooked little finger in my face. "Something is different about her. I don't know vat, but I vant to know before you eliminate her." 

"I said three days, Odine. They're up today." I remind him. 

"Ok, zen, I set her free." He shrugs. "Zis will be more interesting zan zie fisticuffs, no?" 

I grab my head with my hands. Can I just shoot this annoying little man and have done with it? He's brilliant, but he's also cocky, arrogant and selfish. At moments like this, I question his genius. But they say, sometimes those with exceptional gifts and talents lack skills in other departments, such as the ability to interact in a social setting, or they have low self esteem. In Odine's case, it seems his deficiency is common sense. Really, who in their right mind would allow that crazy bitch to live after what she's done? 

"Zere iz something else you should know about," Odine chirps. He has that all too familiar gleam in his eye.. He's about to unload even more devastating information on us, so that he leaves us in a state of shock in his wake. "She iz asking for Squall." 

"What does she want with Squall?" I wonder aloud. 

"I don't know. She vill not tell me, but she says his name over and over until I go mad from hearing it. She cries when she says it. Foolish tears," he says and shakes his head. He looks demonic to me, his little almond shaped eyes widened beyond their natural shape, his bony, gnarled hands spread out before him in supplication. 

"Kiros, can you dial the number for the Garden again?" I ask. Squall should know about all this. 

"Of course," Kiros replies, punching in a series of numbers on the key pad. I can never remember the number, but fortunately, Kiros does. He hits speakerphone and we hear the ring on the other line. 

"Commander's office, Jenna speaking," a pert female voice replies. 

"Jenna, this is President Laguna Loire of Esthar," I say. "I need to speak with Squall. It's an emergency." 

"I'm sorry, he's just returning from a mission, can I have him call you back?" she asks cordially. 

"Is there any, possible way I can speak with him now? Eh, it's terribly important," I say, sounding on the verge of panic, though I don't mean to. 

"Can you hold please?" she asks, sounding annoyed with me. I didn't mean to piss her off, but great Hyne. Adel is alive, awake and apparently still a sorceress. 

I glance at Odine, who is busy flirting with Ellone, though she is obviously occupied with a thick novel. She smiles weakly at him and nods her head from time to time, concentrating on her reading. Poor Ellone. Dr. Odine's had a thing for her since she turned eighteen, and his interests don't exactly lie in her powers if you know what I mean. It's partially her fault he's so taken with her. If she weren't so polite to him, he'd probably leave her alone. 

"This is Squall," my son's curt voice says after a lengthy pause. 

"I'm sorry to call you so soon after your mission, but we have an emergency here in Esthar." 

He sighs as if this isn't a good time for an emergency. Maybe it's not, but I've got one angry Sorceress in a cage who is just waiting for her strength to return so that she can rip my head off and use it as a soccer ball. I shudder at the thought. 

"What is it?" he asks. There's weariness in his voice, as if he's been fighting for days without sleep. Must have been some mission. 

"Adel is alive," I blurt out. "She's alive, and still a sorceress. I don't know how or why, but I'm going to need your help." 

There is a startled silence on the other end. 

"Odine says she's asking for you." 

"But we . . . ." 

"It's a long story, eh, and I'll have to explain later," I don't want to discuss the details over the phone, especially with a rabid Odine standing before me, still wishing to discuss the juicy details of my death. I shudder. "How soon can you be in Esthar?" 

"This time tomorrow, I suppose," he replies. "Why is she asking for me?" 

"We don't know," I reply, nervous. But it's a good question. What _does_ Adel want with my son? "Odine has her subdued for now, but we don't know how long before she's able to bust out of her cage." 

He sighs again, this time a little heavier. "We'll be there soon," he says. 

This is a load off my mind. SeeD is coming. Not that I couldn't think of another brilliant plan myself, but at the moment, I'm too paranoid to think straight. With a sigh, I sit down behind my desk again and anxiously tap a pen against the shiny wooden surface. So much to think about. So, we'll just have Squall and company come and beat her to a pulp again. Easy. So why does this feel . . . off? 

"I've gotta bad feeling about this, Kiros," I say, drumming the pen against the desk. "Something's not right." 

"Could you not do that?" Kiros asks as he eyes the pen, visibly irritated with me. 

"......................." Ward's face wrinkles with concern. 

"Yeah, kind of like the last time I had a bad feeling." 

"I guess this means we'll be jumping over a cliff sometime soon?" Kiros asks, his expression half amusement, half dread. 

"......................" 

"Ward, you've already lost your voice. The only thing you have left to loose is that spare tire around your middle there," I say with a laugh, knowing it'll get a rise out of him. I just love to pick on Ward. He spent years poking fun at me, and now that he can't speak, it's payback time. Of course, my statute of limitations on that ran out years ago, but it still gives me pleasure to tease him. And he's a good sport. 

"......................" There's a sneer on his face as he makes an obscene gesture at me, of which I ignore. 

"Seriously, though, guys. I've got a bad, bad feeling. It's like someone just put flowers on our graves." 

"What?" Kiros asks, perplexed. 

"You know, when you get a bad feeling it means someone's putting flowers on your future grave," I say, not getting why he doesn't understand. It's a perfectly common saying. 

"You mean someone just walked over your grave," he corrects. 

"That's what I said." 

"Laguna, do the world a favor and quit talking. You're giving me the creeps."   


  
  
  


I am all alone now. They're all afraid of me after what I ordered Squall to do, when it wasn't my place to order him to do anything. They've all heard about it, about how I ordered him to kill my own father without trying to negotiate first. They've all heard about how Seifer carried these orders out in Squall's place. Now everyone thinks Seifer and I are in cahoots and are planning to take over the world. Which they might not be so wrong about. The thing is, it wasn't me. Not entirely anyhow. Sure, I've been so angry with my father that I wished him dead, but I'd never actually do it. Whatever is happening to me, whatever Adel is doing to me, she's tapping into and controlling me through the most primal, base portions of my psyche. And I'm not able to stop her. 

At first, I thought it was just an imbalance due to the development of my powers. I thought the things I am going through were part of that and would be easy to take control of with a little work. But the duality never went away, rather it intensified, and that other half of me, the part of me that rages over injustices, the part that my passion comes from is starting to take over. Not because of my powers, but because she somehow has control. I don't understand how she's able to do it. She's supposed to be dead. But somewhere, she's very alive and quickly regaining strength. The stronger she gets, the more of me she's able to control. 

So what's to become of me? I don't know, and I don't want to think about it. Because of her, I've lost Squall. Because of her, no one trusts me. None of my friends will look me in the eye, they're all afraid of me now. They don't understand, and I don't know if I could explain if I wanted to. She'd probably try to stop me if I did. 

Squall. How I miss him. How I wish to take back everything and just work it out. But then, there's Seifer. He can still make my heart pound, still turn me into a giggling schoolgirl, despite my loyalties. I tread on dangerous ground now, torn between the two of them. But I think the part of me that longs for Seifer is the part that doesn't truly belong to me. It is she that wants him, not me. The problem is, because of her, he's becoming more and more appealing by the hour. 

I hurry to the elevator, ignoring the stares I'm receiving from the students that occupy the halls. My neck burns as their eyes bore into my back, watching my every step, but still afraid to look at me directly or speak to me. 

I must see Squall before it's too late. There are things I must tell him. Things he must be aware of, before Rinoa disappears and is replaced by Adel's cold-hearted soul. I must warn him before I'm not Rinoa anymore. Right now, Adel is sleeping, and it seems when she sleeps, I am able to be myself, without the benefit of her control. 

Impatiently, I wait through the elevator ride, noticing how everyone in the car has shifted away from me. Their fear is understandable. I am a sorceress, savage and destructive, despite all the work I've done in the last two years to change the way people view sorceresses. Soon, I will live up to that image, unless I can think of a way to stop her. 

I enter Squall;s office without knocking. He is sitting at his desk, his head in his hands, deep in thought. He looks up as I stomp into his office, then looks away in disgust. 

This is something I can't bear to see in his face. Not when the look is meant for me. 

"Squall," I begin, my voice faltering and nervous. "I don't have much time to tell you this, so please don't say anything until I'm finished." 

He nods and leans back in his chair, arms folded in front of him. I don't know where to begin, but I must act fast. I can only keep her at bay so long. I can feel her in the back of my mind. She will wake up soon, and there's no telling what I might say to Squall when she does. 

"For what it's worth, I love you," I say quickly. I need to get the words out fast. "I love you and I always will. But there's going to come a time when I won't be me at all anymore. I will be something terrible, something hateful, and I have no way to stop this from happening. I don't think I can keep it from happening. So, when the time comes, I don't want you to hesitate. I don't want you to think twice before you cut me down with your sword. I want you to do it without prejudice and without regret." 

His face crumples as if he might break down and cry. He fights for his composure and utters my name in a weak barely controlled voice. I cut him off before he has a chance to disagree. 

"It's only a matter of time before I'll be gone. She's within me, and she's getting harder to fight by the hour. I don't know how long I have before the old me is gone completely," I say with a desperate shrug. I know I'm babbling but I'm forced to speak whatever comes into my head. "So do me a favor. If it should happen that you face me in battle, don't relent because of what we once had. I won't be me anymore when it happens, it'll just look like me, I think." 

He is pale and his lips move to speak, but no words come out. 

"So, I'm telling you now. It's ok to kill me, Squall. I don't want you to feel bad when that time comes," I say. 

His fist slams down on the desk and he still fights for his composure. "That's not going to happen!" he yells, more to the desk than me. 

"You can't stop it," I whisper. "The wheels of destruction are already in motion. She's seen to that, and I've got no choice to go along with it. I can't control what she makes me do." 

He stands, his chair slamming into the wall behind him. "She who?" 

"Adel," I whisper. 

He walks to the window, gazing out at the ocean we travel over. "Laguna called me a while ago. Says Adel is alive." 

"I know," I say regretfully. 

"How long have you known?" His words are measured, and I can't tell if he's angry or if he's trying to understand. 

"Since Deling City." 

He nods, still gazing out the window so that I can't see his face. 

"I hope you aren't angry with me," I say softly. "I've tried to resist her, but I can't. The things I've done . . . that was Adel." 

He is silent still. 

"Squall, say something. Please," I plead, tears streaming down my face. 

Instead of speaking, he walks to the desk and opens a drawer. In his hand is a small velvet covered box. For a moment, he stares down at it, longing in his face. "I bought this months ago," he says with a shrug. "I almost proposed a bunch of times, but I could never get the words out. I can't help but think now that if I hadn't been such a coward, this wouldn't be happening." 

I shake my head and hold back the sobs that choke my throat. "It would have happened anyway, Squall." 

"Maybe, but if I had, you might have been strong enough to resist. A reason, if you will." 

He blames himself for this. How can I tell him it's not his fault? "Adel wants what she wants. You have nothing to do with that." 

"I won't be able to kill you," he says staring at the box. Then his eyes meet mine. "Even if it is Adel. I . . . love you, Rinoa, no matter what you become, I'll still love you." 

Unable to stop myself, I throw my arms around his neck and the dam of tears within me breaks loose. Momentarily, I am purged of rage and anger and fear. It feels safe here in his arms. If only I could stay here, if only he could protect me from Adel's plans. 

But another destiny awaits me. Her call is strong, she pulls at me and I'm aware of her lurking inside my mind. She's awake now and she pulls at me trying to gain control. With everything I have, I push her back and out of my head. A small success, and the first time I've been able to make her go away since I've been aware of her. I am pleased with my small victory and tighten my grip on Squall. 

"They'll have to cut me down before they get to you," he whispers in my ear. "I'll be whatever you want. I'll do anything you ask." 

"Your destiny lies in defeating me. You are a SeeD. I am a sorceress. Your place is here." 

He pulls away and shakes his head. "No. My destiny is what I make it, and I choose to be with you, no matter the cost. I won't let you go. I won't." 

His determination scares me. "Squall, it won't be me. I'll be somewhere else." 

"What would you have me do, destroy the very thing that matters most to me in this world?" 

"If it's not me inside this body what does it matter?" 

"It matters because I love you. Even if there's a slim chance of getting you back, I'd risk everything to take it." 

He goes back to the desk and opens the velvet covered box, then faces me with a serious look in his eyes. Carefully, he slips the ring on my finger. "I want you to have this." 

"I can't take it," I whisper. 

"Keep it," he says with a wave of his hand. His voice is calm, his emotions now back in check. He takes a seat on the edge of the desk and looks at his hands. "We're heading to Esthar. Laguna has requested SeeD to take care of Adel. In the mean time, I was hoping maybe Dr. Odine can help you." 

"That fool," I spit out. She's regaining control of my words again. I fight desperately to fend her off, but she's there picking at my brain, assaulting me to get back inside. Squall sees the guilt in my face and nods. I pray Odine can help. I will certainly go mad if this continues. 

Squall comes to me, and enfolds me in his arms. He buries his face in my neck, his breath hot against my skin. Please let Dr. Odine be able to help me. Please, please. This is where I want to be for the rest of my life. I don't want to be something ugly and hateful, I just want to be me. I want to be Rinoa. I want to be with Squall. To hell with world domination. To hell with it! 

You hear that Adel? I don't want any part of your plans. 

I swear she responds with laughter, an evil cackle that sends chills up my spine. In desperation, I cling to Squall, fearing that this is the last time I will ever feel him hold me like this. If that's true, I want to be able to remember everything about it, every second of it. I want it to be special, worth the trouble I am likely to cause. "Don't let me go," I whisper. "Please don't let go." 

"Never," he whispers back and nuzzles my neck. Waves of desire wash over me and drown out Adel's voice completely. 

"If you love me, take me to your room and show me how much." 

Without a word, Squall leads me to his quarters and takes me into his bed. Clothing is shed and we lay skin to skin atop the covers, drowning in one another's touch. He is every bit the lover I expected him to be, gentle and attentive, strong and patient, sweet and passionate. He takes his time, as if he knows this may be the first and last time we are together. 

In his arms I feel safe and complete again, even if it must only be for a little while.   
  


  
  


I awaken, some time before dawn, in Selphie's loving arms. Her body's warm against me, her breath hot against my chest. Softly she sighs in her sleep and rolls over, her flawless, smooth back to me. With a restless sigh, I roll over, fitting my body comfortably behind hers. It's reassuring to hear her breathing. It's a reminder that I'm not dreaming. It's also depressing for the same reasons. If this were all merely a dream, the worst I could say was that it was all a terrible nightmare. But it's not. The reality is that Adel is alive, and we have to face her a second time. 

Wish it were just a dream. 

I am aware that the Garden has stopped moving, meaning we have either reached our destination, or we've broken down. More than likely, we've docked at FH and are awaiting sunrise to depart for Esthar. This isn't exactly a mission I'm going to enjoy, that's for sure. 

I can't help but think of Squall. He's going through so much right now. It's no surprise to me that he choked yesterday. Not a surprise at all. Given everything that has happened, I understand his hesitation. It's one thing to assassinate a nameless, faceless adversary charged with crimes and atrocities, but it's another thing when he's the father of someone you love. Even worse if she's the one giving the order. Worse than that, if the target is tied to a chair with no means of defense. I understand that his inability to act was not out of cowardice, but the exact opposite of that: the desire not to become a coward. 

And what the hell was Seifer doing there anyway? Came with the Dollet army, yes, fine, great. But how the hell did he anticipate our actions? How had he known we'd be there or what the plan was? It seems terribly coincidental that he just happened to get there first. It's too much to say his anticipation of our plans was mere guesswork. And Rinoa, she seemed thrilled with Seifer's behavior. 

She's another story. I don't understand anything about her anymore. How is it possible for someone to go from pure sugar to pure vinegar in a matter of days? Her whole persona has undergone such a drastic change, beginning with her break-up with Squall, that I fear for her sanity a little. The most troubling part about it is that isn't only been a few days since they split. 

I can't sleep. It should be easy to sleep here in Selphie's bed, but it's not. 

She sighs softly beside me, and I bury my face in her hair. Her hair has always smelled of lemonade, I assume it's her shampoo. Usually, it's a smell I adore, but now smells sickly-sweet and cloying in my nostrils. At the moment, I find the scent nauseating. 

I've got to get up and do something other than lay here waiting for dawn. 

I dress quickly and write a short note to my beloved so that she doesn't think I've abandoned her in the middle of the night. Sometimes she worries needlessly, but I guess with my past, what girl wouldn't? I leave her with a kiss on the forehead and quietly close the door behind me. 

The corridors of Garden are eerily silent around me. I don't know where I'm going, or what I'll do with myself but this is better than just laying there with an itch to do something, anything with these few hours before the sun comes up. I head to the training center, though I'm bored with shooting holes in T-Rexaurs and Grats. But it's better than this annoying restlessness. Being restless makes me irritable. Being irritable makes me foul mouthed and aggressive. And then, Selphie will cast stop on me for acting like a hothead. Don't exactly want to go there. Not today anyway. 

After once around the training center, I'm thoroughly bored and wish I could sneak out through the parking garage to find a more interesting variety of monsters. Trouble is, the Garden is sitting in an ocean of water, and the nearest land is miles away. 

After wandering aimlessly for another twenty minutes, listening to the echoes of my footsteps against the polished tile, which shatter the silence like gunfire, I still feel restless. This is so pathetic. I'm all pent up and can't sleep, I'm bored out of my mind with nothing to do, and all I can do is wander around like an idiot. 

The hell with that. I'm gonna watch the sunrise from the disk in FH. 

Once outside, I gaze around. Dawn is on it's way. The horizon is already a lighter shade of blue than the rest of the inky velvet sky. It will be daylight within the hour. 

As I walk down the platform, a sudden movement catches my eye. I peer into the distance, more curious than anything and catch sight of a figue on the catwalk ahead dressed in blue and black, an assault rifle slung across it's back. A tri-colored dog wags it's tail in a delightful frenzy at the figure's heel. 

Must be Rinoa. I watch as she climbs cautiously down the ladder, leaving Angelo whimpering at the top. It's a pity the dog can't follow her. He's so devoted to her; he goes into a strange doggy depression when she's not around. It's as if he's not complete without her companionship. 

Kinda like Squall. I wonder what it is about Rinoa that makes people want to devote themselves to her entirely. I've met her friends in the Forrest Owls. They'd do anything she asked. I'd bet anything that she'd be a great leader, if she wasn't so impulsive and reckless. 

I follow her, curious as to what she's up to at this hour. She climbs down an access ladder next to the lift. Guess she can't be bothered to wait for the lift guys to show up. Seems like she's in a terrible hurry to get somewhere. 

The breeze blows her hair back from her face in a red-black banner, revealing her pale sullen face to me. Not only has her personality totally changed, but her looks too. She still looks like herself, only her hair color, her eyes and the set of her jaw have changed. Her hair has grown so long, it makes me wonder exactly how many years it would take Selphie to grow hers that way. Two? Three? 

At the bottom of the lift, she breaks into a run. She's going somewhere in a big hurry and it's obvious she's going it alone. 

Glad for something to do, I follow, eager to figure out what's going on, more out of curiosity than concern for her well being. Though, after what I saw last night, I guess I ought to be worried about her. Everything she's done lately is so uncharacteristic, 

I sprint after her when I reach the lower platforms and catch up with her just outside the item shop and motel on the main street. She has paused to load her rifle with bullets and check her remaining supplies. 

"Rinoa!" I call, breathing hard as I jog toward her. "What's going on?" 

Not taking her eyes off her weapon, she mumbles, "Going to Esthar." 

"We're all going, you know," I say, crouching beside her. "Might make sense to wait for the rest of us." 

"Gotta get there first," she replies. She sits back on her heels and checks the sight on the rifle, pointing the gun out to sea. She handles it like an expert, impressive even to a seasoned marksman like myself. 

"Say, where'd you learn to use that thing?" I ask. I have never once seen her on the firing range with anything but her hand cannon. 

"Long time ago. When I was a girl. My father wanted me to be prepared for anything while he was away on business. Always said a general's daughter was a prime target for kidnapping and that I needed to be able to protect myself." she shrugs, her voice dull and flat. 

I'm surprised. She's never mentioned much about her childhood other than the occasional outburst when her father got under her skin. That part of her life is a complete mystery to most of us. We know her mother died when she was young, and that her father didn't have time for her, but beyond that, she's never said much. "So why're you going to Esthar without us?" 

"Something I've got to do alone," she says, standing. She turns her face to the road ahead. "Maybe if I face her directly, I can make her go away." 

"Who, Adel?" 

She nods and looks me over for a long moment. "Irvine, could you do something for me?" 

"Anything," I reply. 

"Tell everyone I'm sorry. I love every one of you like family," she says, a note of sadness in her voice, though her face doesn't betray her inner feelings. It remains hard and emotionless. "I don't want to hurt anyone, really. But I may not be able to stop what's about to happen, and if anyone gets in my way, I may have to do some things I wouldn't normally do." 

"What are you talking about?" I ask, now very disturbed. I push my hat back on my head and stare hard at her. I get the feeling I'm not talking to Rinoa anymore, but someone else entirely. There's none of her former warmth in her eyes, the easy smile is gone, and even her voice is a little different, maybe half an octave lower than normal. What the hell is going on here? 

"I've got to go, Irvine." she says and turns towards the road ahead. "I'll see you in Esthar." 

I watch sullenly as she walks away. I should be running back to Garden to let Squall know she's going, but I don't move until her figure disappears around the bend ahead. 

I reach the disk just in time to catch the sun breaking the surface of the horizon. It's glorious the way the sun reflects off the metal panels of the disk below. I am surrounded in orange light as the sun slowly raises into the sky. It is only when it has fully risen from it's watery grave that I return to Garden. 

It's time to wake Squall. With a sigh, I knock on the door to his rooms, loud enough to be heard throughout the entire third floor. "Squall, get up!" I call. 

When he opens the door, I can see he too has had a sleepless night, though his hair is mussed and his clothes are rumpled as if he's at least had a couple of hours to rest. 

"What?" he asks irritably. Judging by his pale face, he's not feeling well. Everything about him droops, his eyes, his arms, his posture. 

"Rinoa's gone," I tell him. 

"What do you mean gone?" He's more alert now and his posture straightens, though he avoids placing too much weight on his left knee. He glances into the room behind him as if he expected to see her there and then back at me. 

"She's gone. Went to Esthar." 

"Damn it!" he swears, turning away from the door. "She's gonna get herself killed." 

"I don't think that's what you should worry about. She seems pretty adept at taking care of herself," I say. "I'd be more concerned with why she's going alone." 

"I can't believe she'd be so stupid," he growls and begins to stuff items into his coat pocket. He hesitates and withdraws a diamond ring from the pocket and eyes it as if he's never seen it before. It's the ring he showed me before, the engagement ring he'd intended to give to Rinoa. His face contorts with rage and he hurls it across the room. It disappears behind the desk. 

I'm afraid he might start hurling inanimate objects at me, but instead he sucks in a breath and begins to search the room for something. 

"So what are we going to do?" 

"You can do whatever you want. I'm going after her," 

"Squall, are you out of your mind?" I ask him. 

Holy Hyne. This has turned into another love quest for him. It's not about Adel at all. It's about Rinoa, as it was before. He could care less that a ruthless, power-hungry sorceress has just suddenly reappeared after we thought we defeated her. He could give a damn about that. 

And frankly, I could too. If it were Selphie and not Rinoa, I'd feel the same way. But my gut instincts are telling me not to let him go off alone, that we're all doomed without him. That maybe, he's doomed without us. 

"Just hang on a minute," I say. "You're not taking off alone. We're going with you." 

"You don't understand, Irvine," he says through clenched teeth. "There's more to this than you know." 

"Tell me then," I urge, spreading my palms up and taking a seat on the bed. "Enlighten me." 

He sighs and again fills his pockets with various items;.a few phoenix downs, potions and the like. I listen quietly to his story, and when he's finished, I have absolutely nothing to say against him going after her. I'd do the same thing if it was my Selphie. 

Someone's got to stop Rinoa before she reaches Adel. 

Otherwise, we're fucked.   
  
  


+++++   
Notes   
+++++ 

I'm determined to get the rest of this posted so that I can finish Oceans Apart. I'm having to rewrite from chapter 13 on because someone spilled a BEER on the disk the rest of the story was saved. But this is a good thing, since I wasn't liking the turn the story was taking....but as soon as I finish this off, I will start posting new chapters for that particular story. 

Thanks for the reviews guys....I appreciate your comments...... 


	8. The Road to Esthar

**BROKEN WINGS**

**_A FFVIII Fan Fiction_**

**Chapter 8**

_The Road To Esthar_

  
  


My head hurts. 

Where am I? Hmm. Hard, uncomfortable bed. Smell of antiseptic. A hospital? Why am I in a hospital? And why does my head hurt so frickin' much? 

Oh, yeah. 

The X-ATM092. I remember now. Anda, Jilly and I fought, and lost to, the big, ugly hunk of metal. Where are they? Are they safe? I look around, but I am the only one in the room. Must be back in Balamb Garden. There's the insignia on the wall. The infirmary is totally empty, even Dr. Kadowaki seems mysteriously absent. 

The sun pours in from the open window above my bed. The light stings my eyes, even as the salty sea air fills my lungs. How I've missed that smell. Salty ocean air has to be the sweetest smell there is. Well, second maybe to hot dogs of course. Hotdogs are still a gift from the heavens, and in thinking about them, I can almost taste their delicious, salty flavor. And right now, I'd give my best pair of gloves for a hotdog. I'd sell my soul. 

Tentatively, I climb from the bed, anxious to find out what happened to my comrades. Hot needles of pain sear through my bare feet as they touch the cold floor. My legs are weak, but I can walk, I think. "Dr. Kadowaki?" I call but there's no answer. 

I'm alone. Woohoo. Time to escape. 

I must use the walls and furniture to support myself. As I reach the door, I feel a tug at my right arm. Ah, damn. An IV needle is stuck in the bend at my elbow, attached to a drip. Carefully, I untape the piece of adhesive and, with difficulty, remove the needle that feeds me. It stings like fire coming out. It'll leave a bruise tomorrow, but I don't care. All I care about is hot dogs. And finding out what happened to my comerades. 

Somehow, I manage to pull myself into the hallway that connects to the main loop of the first floor corridor. There is much activity going on, people frantically preparing for some impending battle. Looks like a big one. I wonder what's going on, but I'm preocupied with thoughts of delicious, suculent hot dogs smothered in mustard, relish and onions. Mmmmm. 

Hyne, I'm hungry. Feels like I haven't eaten in weeks. 

It seems to take forever to reach the cafeteria from here. Along the way, I smell the delicious aroma of hot dogs. Oh heavenly hot dogs. I can already taste them. 

Once inside the cafeteria, I must force myself to walk the few feet from the entrance to the counter. Already, my muscles ache and I feel as if I've just run a marathon. How long have I been in the infirmary anyway? 

"Eight hotdogs, please." I say politely as I cling to the counter to support my weight. 

"I'm sorry, we're sold out." The girl behind the counter says apologetically. 

"You're sold out. YOU'RE SOLD OUT?" I scream at her. She cringes away from the register and sneaks worried glances at the woman next to her. "Do you realize I haven't had a hotdog in, what day is this?" I don't even know how long it's been since I've eaten one. 

"It's Tuesday," the girl says in a meek voice. 

"It's been thirty-four days since I've had a hotdog," I growl at her. I'm going to commit anarchy if I don't get one, I swear. Sold out or not. "I want a hotdog, and I want it NOW." 

"Sir, as I said, we're sold out," the girl is now near panic. "You're making a scene." 

"I don't care if I'm making a scene. I want a frickin' hotdog! No. I want eight of them. There are more back there," I tell her, narrowing my eyes. "And I'm not leaving without a plate of them, understand?" 

"They're not for today. They're for tomorrow." 

"I don't care. I haven't had a hotdog in ages, and I want eight of them now." 

The girl scoots off, now terrified of me. She must be new. None of the other girls put up with this much of my crap, wounded or not. I lean against the counter with a self-satisfied smile as I watch her open a package of the succulent processed meat and remove every last one from the plastic. 

"Zell?" a voice behind me asks. I turn to face Jilly, who's apparently doing better than myself, save a busted lip and what might be a broken nose. 

"Jilly! You're ok! Where's Anda?" I ask. I'm happier than hell to see her alive and relatively unharmed. She's a sight for sore eyes, even if she is a little banged up. I seriously need to do something about this crush I've got on her. Ask her out or something. But I don't have the nerve. She'd probably beat me up for even suggesting it. 

She looks at her feet and I think maybe she's about to cry, which is not a Jilly thing to do at all. My heart begins to pound in my chest and I'm afraid of what she's about to say. "He didn't make it, Zell." 

"What?: This isn't possible. Am I responsible for this? 

"I would have used a phoenix down on him, but," she says looking away from me, "I used my last one on you." 

Anda would have lived if she'd saved her last one for him instead of me? Oh, hell. Damn it all. Son of a . . . . 

"Sir, your hotdogs are ready," the girl says, pushing a plate laden with my favorite meal. I suddenly don't feel like eating. 

Crap. 

My appetite gone, I take the tray anyway. Maybe Jilly is hungry. 

"How'd you get those? They just told me they were sold out," she says, eyeing my tray enviously. I can see in her eyes she'd willingly beat me to a pulp to get one if the circumstances were different. 

"Threw a tantrum," I say sulkily. "Help yourself. I'm not hungry anymore." 

I'm weak. Tired. Jilly has to help me to a table. 

Anda's dead, and maybe it's my fault. Chalk up one more failure for the infamous Zell Dincht. How is it that I always manage to screw things up? 

"So what are you doing walking around?" Jilly asks, taking a bite of a hotdog. "Dr. K know you're up and about?" 

"Nope," I say, feeling depressed. Squall gave me this leadership role, and I screwed it up. As usual. I can never do anything right, can I? 

"Look, Zell, it wasn't your fault. There were too many of them. They kept coming at us, you know? We were way outnumbered, and poor Anda, he didn't have a chance anyway," she says, looking at me, serious expression on her face. "We did our best." 

"What about the Shumi Village?" I ask, concerned and hoping to at least have met our objective. That's what we'd been there to protect, right? Did it fall into Galbadian hands? 

"Gone," she says humbly. "All but a few of the villagers died." 

This is too much. Not only did I fail a mission as big as this, I got an entire village wiped out too. Nothing like massive failure to top off my morning. 

"You've missed a lot, Zell," she says, indicating the uncommon quiet around us. Normally, this cafeteria is full of SeeDs and SeeD cadets having leisurely breakfasts and studying for upcoming exams or missions. Today, the cafeteria is nearly empty, save a sprinkling of underclassmen and staff. "But, I suggest you talk to Xu or Quistis about that. They're in charge now." 

"Do what?!" 

"Squall went AWOL this morning. Left word with Irvine that he'd resigned his position," she says matter of factly. She starts on her second hotdog, eagerly tearing into it as if she hadn't had a meal in weeks. Well, that's true I guess. I wouldn't call the Shumi offerings much of a meal, more like trail mix, maybe. 

"Where'd he go?" 

"Followed Rinoa to Esthar," she replies as if it's old news. 

What the hell's going on here? Was I asleep for weeks, or what? Did the whole world fall apart in that short amount of time? I feel like I've been gone forever. 

"Why's Rinoa going to Esthar?" 

"Don't know. Like I said, ask Xu or Quistis," she says. "But I do know one thing, Rinoa's got everyone in a panic. Acting like that crazy sorceress bitch, can't remember her name. Anyway, things are so crazy right now." 

My head really hurts. I want to go back to sleep where things aren't unexplainably weird. Maybe this is just a dream. 

After she finishes all eight of my precious hot dogs, Jilly helps me back to the infirmary, where Dr. Kadowaki awaits with a stern lecture about the healing process. So it's back to bed I go, with an empty stomach and a guilty conscience. Jilly waits until Dr. Kadowaki is finished with her lecture and back behind her desk to continue our conversation. 

"So, I'm going to Esthar with them. We leave in an hour," she says. She looks excited. Must be kind of a thrill for her to be working with the best SeeD has to offer. Well, the best minus three. What I wouldn't give to be on this mission. And I know how she feels. I was pretty stoked when I was assigned to fight alongside Squall for the first time. 

"When I get back," she continues, "I'd like to take you out to dinner." 

This is a shock. A girl, interested in me? Well, there was pig tail girl, but she blew me off for Nida more than a year ago. "Uh . . . sure," I mutter, sinking my head into the pillow, my cheeks glowing with embarassment. . 

"I've got to go," she says with a smile, "but I'll be back for you. Soon." 

As soon as she leaves, Dr. K pokes her head around the curtain and announces that Irvine has come by to see me. I'm not really in the mood for any more company, but it's been ages since I've seen my best buddy, and perhaps he can enlighten me on the current situation. 

"S'up?: I mutter as Irvine takes a seat and lays his rifle across his lap. 

"Hey there sleepy head," he greets. "Heard you went for a walk all by yourself this mornin'." 

"That I did," I reply without enthusiasm. "So what's goin' on?" 

"Oh, man, where do I begin?" He says, genuinely perplexed. "I don't have time to give you all the details, but here goes," he says and gives me a summary of the events that have thus far transpired. I truly wasn't prepared to hear what he had to say, and some of it really freaks me out. Sounds like Rinoa has totally lost it. And poor Squall having to deal with all of this mess. It's just like him to take off after her. 

"Holy Hyne on a train," I mumble when he's finished. "What's next, another trip to the world of time kompression?" 

"If that happens, I'm goin' on a killing spree," Irvine says as he shakes his head. "I'm not going back there. Had nightmares for months afterwards." 

"You and me both," I say. "Why can't things ever be normal?" 

"What the hell is normal?" Irvine asks. "Maybe people like us weren't meant to live normal lives."   
  
  
  
  
  


I can hear Rinoa's last words to me inside my head. Those words she whispered to me on our way out the door of her father's home in Deling, just after I cut her father's head off. 

_Meet me in Esthar._

Which explains why I'm in this Hyne-forsaken patch of salt encrusted desert, surrounded by fossilized bones of creatures long dead before the creation of man, in hot pursuit of my sorceress. Everything here is white, and if it weren't for a pair of dark wrap-around sunglasses, I'd surely go snow blind from the glare. I forgot how much I hate this place. Only been here once, and I'd rather not be here now, but it's the only way to Esthar. 

I can't get Squall's pitiful image out of my head, standing before the dying figure of Rinoa's father stunned, pale and paralyzed by what he witnessed. It was so pathetic and he looked so defeated. If I had it in me, I might feel sorry for him, but I don't. I always knew Squall hadn't the capacity in him to be as I am. 

Well, what am I? 

Squall is impeccably good. Though he's a gun for hire, he doesn't walk on the seedier side of life like I do. I on the other hand, live fast and dangerous. Nothing excites me more than a challenge, and I will do anything to get what I want. Even if it means cutting a bound man's throat or going against everything they tried to make me believe in when I was a boy. Even if it means committing acts that others would find appaling. 

The truth is, doing good seems a little . . . wussy. Well, not a little wussy, a lot wussy. And truth be known, happy endings make me want to barf. Unless the happy ending involves me and a certain sorceress getting together that is. Then, it's not wussy because my dreams will have been fulfilled and the steps I have taken will have paid off. So, I guess you could say that it's not wussy if the happy ending is in my favor. And the time when all my hard work finally pays off is just around the corner. I can feel it. 

_Meet me in Esthar._

I'm coming, my fair sorceress. I'll be there by sundown. 

Doubt nags at me as I walk along the well worn path, my feet kicking up white dust in my wake. I've been through this before, this Sorceress' Knight business. Am I willing to go back and do it again? I now have my hero status reclaimed, at least in Dollet. Shouldn't that be enough? Wasn't that what I was looking for? Wouldn't it make more sense to join forces with SeeD and assist them with their goal, for surely by now they're preparing to take action against the Sorceress. If hero status is what I'm looking for, doesn't it make more sense to be on the winning team? They've got the resources and the means to win, I can't deny that. I may be cocky, but I'm not a fool. 

It's something else that I'm looking for. What that is, I'm not sure. Not love, since I'm not convinced that there's even such a thing as love. And if I give up and go to the other side, I've got no chance of winning Rinoa. 

I keep asking myself why I'm doing this _again_. I swore to myself many times I'd never go back, but here I am, trudging through this friggin' desert to meet my sorceress on the other side. Part of it is that she's already slipped into my mind and gotten control. The other part is that I'm seeking something that no one's ever given me before, though what that is, I can't tell you. 

If she didn't control me, as she is now, would I be doing this? 

I don't know. 

There is a commotion ahead of me. I see a streak of black, sliver and red dart across the path. I move forward to see what it is, on the alert for monsters that might hinder my travel. 

Squall. 

He is alone, his gunblade drawn against a Vysage, a Righty and a Lefty. So he is going to Esthar too? Does he pretend he could ever be her Knight? I laugh aloud to myself. He hasn't got it in him to even dare. If he couldn't cut down Carraway, there's no way he would ever live up to the standards of a Sorceress. He thinks because he loves her, it should be enough, but it's not. He has no idea what she will demand of him once he is in her service, and he won't have the balls to carry out even one of her commands. I guarantee it. 

Vysage, Lefty and Righty defeated, Squall sits upon a rock takes a sip from a canteen and wipes his brow. I saunter towards him, my step even and confident. He does not hear me approach, so he is surprised when I say, "Fancy meeting you here." 

He jumps, as though I've frightened him and he eyes me with contempt, but says nothing as he recaps his canteen. 

"So you're hoping to see our little dove fly, are you?" I ask, conceit in my voice. 

"Going to Esthar to help Rinoa," he replies, staring at the carcass of the Righty he has so recently slain. It twitches in the powdery salt, in the throes of death, a process which I find facinating. What it must be like to die. I imagine my own death will be terribly noble, a good death some might call it, in which I succumb to with grace and dignity. 

"How honorable of you," I say and swing my sword around in the air in front of me, taunting him. "It's a pity you wouldn't consider being her Knight. It would be so much fun to demonstrate my worthiness to her by fighting an opponent." 

"You want to be her Knight?" he asks incredulously. "And what makes you think she'd have you?" 

I smirk at him, pleased to share my bedtime story with him. "Because she's _already_ had me." 

"That's a lie," he says, standing, his face flaming with anger. "She'd never . . ." 

"Oh, but she did." I laugh menacingly at him. "She did and she enjoyed it. Twice in one night. It's a pity Squall, that you were too much of a coward to fuck her. She told me all about it." 

I can see the rage in his eyes now as he draws his blade. Just as I thought. He's still easily tempted into a fight. He never could just walk away from me. 

"Bring it on," I say with a laugh and beckon him to me with my gloved hand. I ready my sword, grinning at him crazily, longing to bring him to his knees and leave him to die here in this salty hell, this pale boneyard. 

Swiftly, he brings his sword down upon me, but I counter by slashing upwards, our blades crash together with a loud mechanical sound, steel against steel. I feel the reverberations all the way to my shoulder sockets and collar bone. Hyne, he hits hard. It's been a while, and I'm still a tad rusty from my former sedentary, alcohol blurred life. But there's no way I will lose to him this time. I can't afford to lose. 

We battle it out, blade against blade, in ferocious competition with one another. He's not as fast as I remember, but I guess a couple years behind a desk would soften anyone. At least I'm not the only one who's been dormant for a while. 

A searing pain rages through my left shoulder, stinging like fire as the tip of his gunblade cuts into my skin and then tears out again. I duck out of the way as he brings the blade down again, this time it nicks my chin, which begins to bleed freely. I feel a wet trickle of blood roll down my neck and into the hollow of my throat. 

Son of a bitch! 

With all my strength, I slice at him and manage to tear the leather arm of his jacket. Have I made contact, or is this just surface damage? I can't tell. I bring my blade down once more, slicing a small gash in his chin to match the one he gave me. I laugh as he stumbles and falls on his ass. What a puss. 

He returns to his feet and lunges at me with unexpected speed, making contact with my left hip. Unwilling to let him know he's injured me, I bite back a scream and hurl myself forward, gunning for his throat this time. Enough of this crap. I'm bored with this parry and slash game. I repeatedly bring my blade down, but he expertly blocks each attack with his own blade. 

I can tell he is running out of strength, as am I, though I try not to show it. If this keeps up, he won't need to cast Aura to reach his limit break. I must end this before he has a chance to slice me to bits with his Renzokuken attack. I run at him, full speed, my gunblade in the air, just as he swings his own blade at me. It catches me in the chest, cutting through skin and bone. I gasp in disbelief as he savagely yanks the sword from my body and coldly watches me fall to the dusty white ground. 

I can't breathe. 

"You should know better than to fuck with me, Seifer," he says, sitting on the ground next to where I've fallen. I can hardly draw my breath. 

I gasp for air, feeling panicky from lack of oxygen. I claw at the powdery soil around me, desperate for anything I can get my hands on. A rock, a handful of salt, anything. Anything that might injure him as well. Trouble is, my hands don't seem to want to do what I tell them to. 

"So how's it feel to die?" he hisses, now kneeling beside me. His coppery eyes flame with a cold rage as he looks into my own. 

I struggle to speak, but I can't even draw a good breath into my lungs. Each time I attempt to get air, there's a wheezing, sucking sound in my chest. I can feel the blood bubble in the wound. Each attempt at a breath draws blood into my ruined lungs. I will drown or suffocate if I can't find a way to heal myself. 

"You like it? Is it the romantic thrill you've always dreamed it would be?" His face is inches from mine, and I can see the triumph in his icy copper eyes. "You're pathetic, Seifer. Damn pathetic. I hope you become Ultimecia's whipping boy in hell." 

I have an X-potion in my pocket. If only I could reach it, but my hands don't seem to want to move. This can't be the way it ends. It can't be. I'm Seifer Almasy. The Sorceress' Knight. The bad ass, all go, no quit Seifer Almasy. 

I always knew I'd die violently, but I never thought it would be Squall who'd bring me down. 

My vision blurs as I watch his boots tread away, heavy and weary. There is a trail of fresh blood that marks the path he has taken, perhaps I have mortally wounded him as well. Perhaps not, but I hope so. 

As I feel the life leave my body, the trail of Squall's blood is all I can see.   
  
  


An open, empty road has always held a certain promise for me. It's a promise of adventure, of danger and excitement, one that I have never faced with fear or reluctance. It used to excite me to embark on a new adventure, but today, as I face the remainder of the road that leads to Esthar, I feel nothing but anxiety. The promise of adventure and excitement has become a threat. The open road has become a path more oppressive than anything I can even imagine. At the end of this road, an unknown fate awaits me, as surely as uncertain as Rinoa's own fate once she reaches Esthar. 

Things have never been more complicated. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about any of this. I don't know what I'm supposed to think or do. Part of me realizes that she must be stopped before things get out of hand, but the other part wants only to defend her, to be by her side, to prove to her that she means everything to me, regardless of whatever hold Adel may have on her. 

I should arrive in Esthar just after sundown. My uncertainty grows as I walk, coming ever closer to the high-tech cloak that surrounds the city. My knee aches as I kick up dust around me, coming ever closer to my destination. The ache is the kind not even a potion or two can cure. 

It's becoming disgustingly hot here, despite the fact that it's only late March. For now, I must rest my feet and tend to my wounds, those inflicted by the now deceased Seifer. I am forced to recognize the depth of our relationship. He has always been the proverbial thorn in my side. We have crossed paths many times in our lives, each one was a trial by fire, a battle of some sort, and each encounter left me stronger and more determined than before. It is with great reluctance that I even dare to admit this to myself. My rivalry with Seifer has made me what I am today. I am almost sorry I cut him down back there, leaving him to turn once more to dust in the hot sun. 

But not sorry enough to go back for him. The things he said are inexcusable. How dare he presume to think Rinoa might want him as her protector? I don't even presume to think she'd accept me, despite what I feel in my heart must be so. 

How likely is it that what he said is true? 

I can't help but wonder about the night I saw Rinoa with him at the club. She'd seemed so taken with him, so willing to bend any direction the breeze might blow her. Seifer appeared to be the breeze. Given the circumstances, there's no telling what she might have done. Maybe I'd prefer not to know either way. And the truth is, some of this is my fault. If I hadn't been so driven to do a good job as commander, I might have seen how badly she needed my companionship and love. 

The sleeve of my jacket is caked with blood. My chin too. I don't give a damn. It could have been me laying there in the dust waiting to die, with Seifer looming over me, his laughter the last thing I heard before I passed on. A violent shudder passes through me as I think on it. 

Better to not think too much about it. Better to stay focused. 

After a few minutes of rest, I stand slowly, careful not to jar my injured knee. The road ahead is the most treacherous stretch of road on the way to Esthar. I must be careful now. This land is a haven for powerful monsters, and it would be a disgrace to defeat Seifer, but be taken down by a level thirty monster. 

Whatever. 

On the road before me are faint, but visible shoe prints. They're small, as if laid down by someone rather diminutive in size, a woman perhaps. I know it can only be Rinoa, and it hasn't been long since she passed through here. With the wind in this pasty hell, these prints would have been blown away in a short time. Reenergized, I pick up my pace, hoping that maybe I can catch her before she makes a terrible, foolish mistake. 

I know Irvine and party are not far behind. Though the path they follow is the same, their purpose is different. They are on a quest of their own, not unlike mine, and by no means mutually exclusive, but with the exception of Irvine, they don't know. They are unaware of the connection, and I hope to reach Esthar in time to eliminate any link to Adel in Rinoa. I guess part of me doesn't want them to know that they might have to face someone they care about. They'll find out eventually, and perhaps, I may even have to fight them to protect her. 

I might as well admit that I'm shit scared of facing my dearest friends in battle. If I had a choice, I'd fight Seifer a thousand times rather than cut them down. But if it comes to that, I may have to. 

I'm so confused. 

I don't know how successful I'll be. But I've got to try. Life as I know it now is pretty miserable, now that I've allowed myself to feel again. Now that I've experienced what it feels like to love and be loved back, I'll be damned if I let it slip away without doing a thing. She means too much to me to let her be destroyed. The very essence of her personality and beauty will crumble as surely as I will should she fall completely into Adel's clutches. 

And maybe she didn't understand when I said I'd follow her anywhere. I meant that in every sense. I don't regret my resignation. I don't regret giving it all up for Rinoa. Quistis is far better suited to the likes of commander in ways that I could never be. 

I'll probably be excommunicated when I return. That is if I return. I don't give a damn, as long as Rinoa's with me. We could build that house by the beach, start a family, grow old together . . . but we have to get out of this first. With our lives. 

Maybe this is all wishful thinking. I doubt everything about myself, including my ability to make her happy. I can't even imagine myself as a father, let alone a husband, but there's something about the thought of having a family and a life outside of Garden that appeals to my barest sense of survival. There's a strong need within me to identify with something, and a family is something I've secretly longed for. Especially when I face the fact that it might never happen without her. I want that chance. I don't want to spend the rest of my life without anything to call my own. 

And if I can help it, I won't. 

Up ahead is the cloak. I can see the static-like bursts of the entrance against the backdrop of the stealth mask meant to hide the city from invaders. Above me the sun has dropped to it's lowest point before it sinks below the horizon to begin dawn on the other side of the world. I have arrived. It will only be a matter of time before I reach her. 

I hope I'm not too late.   



	9. Sorceress of the Damned

BROKEN WINGS

A FFVIII Fan Fiction

Chapter 9

Sorceress of the Damned

I instinctively know the sun is setting on Esthar. There are no windows with a view in this cold metal room, but I know the sun will soon sink into a watery grave in the West and the moon shall rise as darkness engulfs us. This darkness brings the one I have been waiting for. She is close. Painfully close and we will soon meet face to face. Her arrival will bring completion. Her presence will restore my powers to their fullest. I can scarcely wait. 

I have not been myself lately. I feel her so powerfully, taking over my mind and my actions. It's not so bad really, remembering what it was like to be a sweet young lady with a promising future ahead of her. I surrendered my sweetness for power, and as surely as Rinoa herself allowed me into her soul, she will soon do the same. What is the use of gentleness when it is surely crushed by those who wish to dominate and control? The kind ones are those first to break and always the first to run. But she's done well, this girl. I must give her credit. She has fought me every step of the way. She is strong, but I am stronger. 

Odine enters, bearing a tray laden with bread and meat to quell my hunger. I accept it gratefully, even favoring him with a tender smile. He is my captor, yet I treat him as though he were a kind host, and this confuses him. The look on his face might be amusing if I were feeling myself. 

As he turns to leave, I say, "Odine, come sit with me for a moment. There's something I need to know." 

Suspicion clouds his face and he hovers near the door, undecided as to whether he should comply with my request or run for cover. 

"I won't bite," I say and a girlish giggle bubbles from my throat. "I'm unarmed, as you can see, and I have no intention of harming you. Please." I indicate for him to sit, eager to pass the time until Rinoa arrives. 

"Vat is it?" he asks, choosing to stand a few paces from the door. 

"I was wondering," I say, pausing so that I can clearly think out what it is I wish to say, "whatever became of my daughter? Do you know where she is now?" 

He pales before me, his pasty skin becoming positively snowy before my eyes. "Vy do you vant to know?" 

"I labored for seventeen hours to bring that child into the world. You could at least be kind enough to tell me what happened to her." 

"Vell," he says and scratches his head, unable to meet my gaze. "I did many tests on her, to determine if a child such as she, birthed by a sorceress, might have any traces of power vithin her. She did not, but I vas able to determine zat she is a good candidate to receive zose powers in ze future." 

"Yes, but what happened to her after your tests?" I ask, pressing for more information. "Did she go to live with her father?" 

Odine laughs and shakes his head. "No, no. Caraway vould not recognize that he'd even had intercourse vith you, and denied fathership. His own vife just had a child, our Sorceress Rinoa, and did not vant to complicate matters any more." 

"That's just like him," I mutter. These words have come from Rinoa, I am certain. She is so close now. I can feel her every step reverberate in my bones. She will arrive soon. "Where did she go, then?" 

"I found her a nice family here in Esthar. They moved to Trabia shortly after her placement. I can not remember their name." 

"Please," I beg. "I must know where she went." 

"Let me sink," he says, rubbing his chin in contemplation. "Ze name started with a T. Tim something. Something like zat." 

"Tilmitt?" I ask and my blood runs cold. I am uncertain as to how I know this, but I feel this is the name he seeks. 

"Yes!" He exclaims. "How do you know zis?" 

"I don't know," I reply, feeling confused. Sophie Tilmitt. Sophie. Someone Rinoa knows has a name very similar to this. A young woman, a sprite of a thing, comes to mind. She's tiny in every way, perky and has a pair of striking, friendly green eyes. A little ball of energy. 

I am flooded with memories of the girl, Rinoa's memories of her. There are too many to even comprehend all at once. I can't get a fix on this girl at all, but I feel strongly that she is my daughter. My long lost child. Sophie Tilmitt.   
No. Selphie. Selphie is her name now. 

They're following Rinoa to Esthar. All of them. Even my daughter. Rinoa is trying to reach me before they do. 

I shall meet my girl for the first time since she was just minutes old. What a joyous day this will turn out to be. My counterpart and my daughter. 

But I must have patience. They will all be here in due time, and when they arrive I will have all the power of Hyne within my soul, and may he have mercy on the people of this world.   
  


  


The road to Esthar is a treacherous one. Not only is the land harsh, but there are beasts that cast powerful magic here and I don't look forward to doing battle with them. We have walked this pathway before, under similar circumstances, but at that time we were six strong, even with Riona unconscious, because we were heavy one Sorceress Edea. Today, our party is light by three, heavy one Jilly Strife, whom I met for the first time only today. Zell couldn't say enough about the girl, and I think he's got a thing for her. And he's right. Jilly's one tough slice of pizza. Thus far, I've been quite impressed with her fighting skills, and I can see why Zell's got the hots for her. A few years ago, she might have been the kind of girl I'd chase, what with her looks and her attitude, but I've got all I need in Selphie. 

It feels strange to now be the leader of the team, even with Quistis along, when that responsibility once fell to Squall. I never imagined he'd walk away from all this, no matter how hard things were for him. But, Rinoa is his whole world. He'd rather die than have to face her in combat. 

The air is heavy and humid at the moment, which is unusual for a stretch of desert such as this one. The sun reflects pure white light from the salty rocks and dust, nearly blinding me as I lead the team through the flats. I'd give my best rifle to be in Esthar already. The bleakness of this salty desert is really starting to get to me. It's like walking through an unearthed graveyard, and it's really giving me the heebie-jeebies. These bones everywhere are pretty creepy. 

As we walk, we're forced to make conversation, idle chatter, really, but we all feel we must try and comfort ourselves with it. It's easier to talk about things unimportant than to allow ourselves to face the real issues at hand, the issues we're afraid to discuss. We all fear bringing any of it up, terrified we might jinx our mission. Despite our cheerful talk, our concern for our friends still weighs heavy in the back of our minds and on our hearts. We might have to fight two of our dearest friends. Not something any of us want to ponder for any length of time. 

Currently, the ladies are discussing some TV star, debating back and forth the stars' best feature. Quistis says it's his eyes, Selphie disagrees, claiming he has the best lips, and Jilly stubbornly insists it's his firm buttocks. I think he's gay but I don't say so. I made the mistake of putting down a TV idol once and Selphie proceeded to beat me with my own hat for about twenty minutes. 

I roll my eyes at them, annoyed. As much as I love women, their need to constantly chatter on about movie stars and make up sometimes really gets to me. Especially when my nerves are on edge, as they are today. 

I am thankfully given a reprieve from this silly conversation when Selphie spies something rather large lying in the pathway ahead. "What is that?" she asks, moving to the front and pointing her finger at the figure. 

The form lays about twenty yards ahead, motionless and silent. It appears to be a tall man, dressed in gray and black, blending in with the landscape, and he has fallen across the road, his back to us. His coat flaps gently in the breeze. 

"Is that a person or a monster?" Quistis asks, squinting. She steps forward to investigate, and we follow close behind. We crowd around the body, curious. The wind has blown a pile of dusty salt against his back and part of the coat obscures his face. 

Two red crosses on the sleeves. Sandy blonde hair. 

Seifer? 

"Is he dead?" Jilly asks, poking at the figure with the toe of her boot. I find this a little morbid, but don't say anything. 

"Jilly," Quistis admonishes. "Don't do that. It's disrespectful." 

"Yeah, would you want someone poking at you if you died?" Selphie pipes up. "I mean, that's kind of rude." 

Jilly shrugs. "Why should I care? I'm dead." 

Wearily, I say, "Let's roll him over." This is the last thing I want to do. Of all things, we run across a body in the middle of a Hyne-forsaken salt desert such as this when we need to hurry along as quickly as we can. 

Quistis gives me a hand in flipping the body over, both of us curious as to how he perished. 

"Oh, Hyne," Quistis whispers upon seeing the man's bloody face. She reels back, landing on her backside with a hard thump and she presses her hands to her mouth to suppress a cry. I guess she didn't realize who the body belonged to. 

Seifer lay before us, covered in his own blood. There is a deep, gaping wound across his chest, a straight, even slash with a bullet hole at one end. The kind of mark made by a gunblade. 

"Looks like Squall's been through here," I say, standing up and wiping my hands clean of the white powder that covers my hands. 

"Is he . . . dead?" comes Selphie's soft voice from behind me. 

I tilt my head to the side and secure my hat. The wind here threatens to knock it off with every turn. "If he's not, he will be soon," I say without emotion. 

"He's alive," Quistis says. She is now kneeling beside Seifer's fallen figure, and she presses her hand to his throat. "I found a pulse. It's faint, but he's definitely alive." 

"We have to help him," Selphie says. Her green eyes turn on me, pleading for me to help the fallen man. I can't resist her. "We can't just leave him here to die. I mean, he may be screwed up, but he's still human." 

Quistis nods her agreement and waves her arm above the pathetic form on the ground before us. The brilliant, blue-white light of her cure spell surrounds Seifer's body, shimmering like faerie dust cast to the wind. Seifer's eyes open slowly and he gasps as if he's never gotten a breath of fresh air in his life. For a moment, he repeats this, sucking air into his lungs as if he might never breathe again. The color returns to his cheeks as the wound seals itself closed and the blood ceases to flow. 

"What the . . ." he mumbles and sits up, weak and still very pale. He eyes us each in turn with suspicion and something on the verge of hatred. 

"Are you all right?" Quistis asks, kneeling down beside him carefully. 

"Just peachy," he growls. He shoves her away and gets to his feet. He turns away from us, his gunblade resting on his shoulder. He coughs in a manner, which coming from anyone else, would be cause for concern. I could care less. 

When he faces us, I see his eyes are full of rage. I fear he might take it out on us and leave our bodies here to rot in this hell. Seifer . . . why are you like this? You're so propelled to do the wrong thing, so convinced of your means and your ideals, but you're capable of so much more. 

I realize, now that Quistis has resurrected him, we will probably have to fight him somewhere down the road. 

Instead he smiles the iciest smile I've ever seen on a human being. "See ya, losers," he says and dashes away, full of energy and life once more. I, for one, am glad he's gone, but I'm left with the most uncomfortable feeling of dread. I think we've just complicated matters by trying to do the right thing. 

"Well, that was a waste of a cure spell," Jill remarks and kicks her toe in the dust. "He didn't even say thank you." 

In the west, the sun is setting and darkness will cloak us in a matter of minutes. From somewhere in the not-so-far-off distance is a low, guttural rumble of thunder. Storm's a comin'. We may not make it to Esthar before it arrives. As it is, we'll be the last to arrive. Who knows what might happen between Rinoa's arrival and ours. I just hope we won't be too late. 

"We don't have much time," I say to my troops in a grim voice. "Time to step the pace up a little." 

Hope we make it before the storm reaches the city. And I hope we make it in time to stop Rinoa from doing whatever it is that she came here to do.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


There is only one word for Esthar. Surreal. It's like a place I dreamed about once, but never believed in. Yet, it's here in the rearview mirror of my rental car, I can see it's outlines as clear as the sky above me. Even after several visits, I can still scarcely believe it actually exists in this world instead of only in my night scapes. No matter how many times I've seen it, I still have to pinch myself to make sure I'm not imagining it. 

It has begun to rain. Hyne must be weeping above, sobbing his eyes out, for the rain comes in torrents so thick the headlights of my vehicle barely pierce the blackness in front of me. Steering this thing in soggy sand has become difficult, and I pray I won't have to abandon it should it become bogged down. I'd prefer not to walk the rest of the way in this weather. Even though visibility is poor inside the car, it would be even worse outside of it. And I'd have to deal with the monsters. I want to arrive in top form and have my wits about me when I face her. 

Time is growing short. 

She waits for me. 

Anxiety fills me as I draw nearer. I must find the strength to resist her but it's getting harder by the minute. Why did I decide to come on my own? By myself I am vulnerable, weak to her charms and promises. I already know that one of us will fall victim to betrayal and the other will stand victorious in the end. I know that one of us will live through this, but I'm beginning to doubt if it will be me. I've already lost part of myself to her. Will she take the rest of me too? I pray that won't be the case. In coming here, I hope to face her alone and stand against her. 

As I drive, I can't help but think of Selphie. She's been on my mind since sundown. I don't think about anything in particular, just the way she looks and talks, her girlish mannerisms. Her name repeats over and over in my head. 

Selphie. Selphie. Selphie . . . 

She has nothing to do with any of this, so why can't I get her off my mind? Does Adel wish to do something with Selphie? Is she part of the plan? 

In the distance, I see the lights of Dr. Odine's laboratory, Lunatic Pandora stands behind, illuminated by a strange glow of it's own that penetrates through the heavy rain. Finally. Within a few more minutes, I'll be there and maybe I will be complete again. 

But the question is, will I be completely Adel, or completely me? Or, will I cease to be at all? My hands tremble on the steering wheel as I contemplate this. I don't want to lose myself to her, nor do I wish to become like her. I don't even want to be in this car, driving to what may be my death or something worse: my ascension into the ranks of intolerable, murderous sorceresses. Yet, I'm here, piloting this contraption towards a fate that can not be denied. I don't have the power to turn back now. It's all or nothing. 

Relief floods through me as I pull into the lot before Odine's lab and park the car. I switch off the engine and sit back with my eyes closed. 

Hyne, give me the strength to defy her. I want no part of these plans. 

Armageddon. Doomsday. Ragnarok. Judgment Day. Day of Ascension. The Great Fall. Second Coming of Hyne. The End. 

No matter what you call it, it still spells the end of life as we know it, and not a single soul will escape her control. Or my control. Hyne, I'm so confused. I don't know who I am anymore. Am I Rinoa or Adel? 

I want no part of it. 

But I am already so deeply imbedded in this scheme, I can not bring myself to start the engine of the rental car and turn back. 

With great trepidation, I open the door and make a run for the long awning that leads inside. Around me, the rain sounds like a freight train as it pounds against the concrete lot and sidewalk. I am soaked to the bone from those few seconds of exposure to the torrent of water that weeps from the heavens. 

Shivering, I open the door and step inside, not caring that my clothing make a puddle around my feet as water drips from me. I am drawn towards the set of doors before me. Slowly, I walk to them as my heart thunders heavily in my chest and my hands tremble at my sides. 

She is waiting. 

Tentatively, I push at the doors, not expecting them to open with such a gentle push, but they swing open so slowly, I have to wonder if they're electric. 

I step inside. The walls are thick, made of some kind of metal, and the room is barren, save a chaise lounge, a straight backed chair and a small cocktail table between them. 

I walk slowly inside, searching for the woman who has beckoned to me from so far away, but she is not here. I am alone in this chamber. Have I come all this way for nothing? No, she's here, somewhere, very close too. She's hiding from me, playing some kind of game with me. In time, I'm sure she'll reveal herself. 

_Have a seat._

Spinning on my heel, I search for the voice, but the room around me is empty. 

_Do not be afraid. I won't hurt you._

I know I won't find the speaker of these words, for she's inside my head. I can hear her so clearly, her voice almost echoes as it would inside this metal room. 

"Where are you?" I ask the walls around me, still searching for her. 

_No need to speak. I can hear your thoughts._

"Please show yourself. I've been traveling for hours and I'm exhausted." I plead with her. In this room, my voice sounds much like a little girl, frightened and lost. 

_In due time, my dear._

"Please," I say, taking a seat in the chair. My whole body trembles, chilled from the rain. 

_My dear, are you cold? I shall have one of Odine's aides bring you something to change into._

"Thank you." I rub my arms to try and bring warmth back to my skin. 

Only moments later, a young pimply-faced aide arrives with a thick bundle of clothing, apparently meant for me. I take it gratefully and begin to change as soon as he leaves. 

The outfit was obviously chosen for me in the colors I most prefer, though in a style I am not familiar with. It is a perfect fit, though and rather pretty if not somewhat odd. 

The top is of a sheer blue material with wide bell sleeves. Over this, I wear a black corset that laces up the back and cinches my waist to emphasize a long ballroom skirt in the same shade as the top, though made of a thicker, heavier material that shimmers a little in the pale light. I should feel confined in this contraption, but I don't. It's like a skin I never knew I had. I feel elegant, beautiful and most of all, powerful. 

_Shall I draw your laces?_

"Would you?" I ask, a haughty tone in my voice I've never heard before. 

Seconds later, I feel hands at my back, pulling tightly at the corset strings, vicious yanks that squeeze the breath out of me. My posture straightens as the hands pull the strings tighter and tighter, and my bosom spills generously over the top of the corset, revealing more of me than I would generally feel comfortable with. But I'm not myself anymore. Part of me is now her and what's left of me is under her control. I struggle to keep her at bay, to retain my presence of mind, but being so close to her makes it all the more difficult to hold her off. Hyne help us if I can't keep her away. 

"All done. Are you ready to face me?" Her voice is warm, gentle, yet there's an underlying note of danger to it. She's behind me and I can feel her breath on my skin, so close, so real and so very evil. 

"More than ready," I breathe, closing my eyes as her hands caress my rain soaked hair. 

"Then turn around." 

The part of me that is still Rinoa screams for me to run. Run far. Run fast. Still, I turn and face her, Adel the Great and Powerful, Almighty Descendent of Hyne. 

As our eyes meet, I see into her soul, which is now the same as mine. We are two of a kind, distinguishable only by our outward appearance. Two of a kind, one in two bodies. Our personalities are equal, one in the same. My body drains of fear, my hands cease to tremble. I am Sorceress Rinoa Heartilly, Daughter of Hyne, Angel of the Damned. 

She has her claim on me now. Funny, I didn't expect it to be so easy for her to take me. I thought there'd at lest be a fight, either internally or one of the physical kind, but she has reached in and grabbed hold. Terror fills my mind as I try to release myself from hers, but she's so strong. I can't make her let me go. A fool I was to think I could stand against her. 

"We shall be unstoppable." 

I smile at her and take her large, muscular hand as she leads me to the wall. She places her hand flat against the dull steel, her nails clicking against it like the snare on the bottom of a soldier's drum. Slowly, the metal becomes molten, swirling and boiling around her fingertips until a large mirror emerges where there was once nothing but wall. 

_You and I are linked and bound for eternity. We shall be as sisters, you and I. All that you wish for will be ours._

Her words echo in the room, though she has not spoken a single one aloud. 

_Behold your power, Rinoa_

A pair of glorious black wings, identical to those in my dreams, unfurl upon my back, shimmering with multi-faceted light in every color and charged with electricity. The lights pulse with my very own heartbeat, the colors ever changing, swirling in every direction. The black, glossy feathers burn with every color imaginable, and they are the most stunning thing I have ever seen. 

I can feel the air in the room stir around me as they bat gently at the air. I can feel their weight on my back, heavy but not a burden. . 

I have become. 

"You like what you see, young Sorceress?" Adel lays a hand upon my shoulder as I stare at my reflection and I am ripped from my own body. A cold darkness surrounds me. I don't know where I am, but I know I can not see the room around me any more. 

"Yes," my voice comes in a whisper, ragged and dry. I hear myself speak from miles away. Exhaustion over comes me and I begin to drift. Sleep will come soon. I'm grateful. I don't want to be there when I face Squall and I don't want to hear the things I might say to him. I hope he knows I love him. 

Rinoa, the one I used to be, is no more. She does not exist in this body any longer. She's a thing of the past. I am now what she never could have been by herself. 

I am Sorceress Rinoa Heartilly, Angel of the Damned.   
  



	10. Knight of the Damned

**BROKEN WINGS**

**_A FFVIII Fan Fiction_**

**Chapter 10**

Knight of the Damned

  


After many hours of travel, I have arrived at Dr. Odine's desert laboratory, drenched by rain and weary from my long walk. My heart pounds in my chest as though a tiny minion were using it as a bass drum and I fear what I might find inside the lab. She might be dead, or worse, permanently changed, someone I don't know anymore and someone who doesn't know me. I don't know which would be worse; her death or her not knowing me and not caring to. 

I push the front door open and peer around, fearful there might be guards to deal with. The foyer is empty, not a soul anywhere to be seen. At the other end is a set of double doors. I know what lies behind these doors. Odine once held Ellone there to study her powers of time travel as a child. I once saw it through Laguna's eyes, via said powers. I know it is here I will find Rinoa, and probably Adel. I know I may have to fight one or both of them, but it is only Adel that I will attack. Rinoa means too much to me to injure her, and I don't think I could bring myself to touch her in a way that might cause harm. 

"Rinoa?" I call. The only response I receive is the sound of my own voice coming back to me. 

Through the double doors before me, there is the sound of a girlish giggle. It sounds like Rinoa's laugh, yet completely unlike her. While the giggle sounds innocent and sweet enough, it has a note of falseness to it. It's as if someone were imitating her. 

Cautiously, I push on one of the doors and feel it give easily under my weight. The girlish giggle comes louder, clearer now, and even as I peer in, I know it is Rinoa without a doubt. But, as she comes into my view, I know it is not Rinoa. On the outside, she looks like Rinoa, but her eyes tell me Rinoa is long gone. 

She is dressed in strange clothing, in something like a ball gown with a corset that cinches her already diminutive waist even smaller. Her hair is pulled back into a high, tight pony tail that spills down her back to her waist. The tattoo like marks on her face have grown darker, more defined, and they resemble dark feathers that cup her cheeks. I stand in awe of her, unable to move or speak. I have never seen her look so beautiful. Nor so hideous. 

Upon her back are a pair of the most glorious wings I've ever seen. They glow with an energy of their own and spill opaque, fiery light across the walls and floor. The feathers themselves are black, yet the light makes them seem almost heavenly, as if the traditional depiction of angel wings has been thus far incorrect. I can't picture an angel wearing anything but these wings. 

"I've been expecting you, Squall." she says. The lights reflect in her eyes, making them swim with whorls of color. The corners of her lips turn up in a most wicked smile, one that should make me cringe, yet I step forward, drawn to her, longing to be near her. 

"What happened to you?" I ask in a half whisper. 

Slowly she approaches, her skirt swishing about with each step. Something about her careful step seems terribly erotic, and all the while as innocent as a child. "I've _become_, my dear," she says and takes my hand. "And you shall serve as my knight." 

When I told her I'd be her knight, that I'd do anything for her, I hadn't expected this profound a change in her. I had no idea that she'd actually become something so powerful or so menacing. I hadn't expected her to be missing from her own body. The eyes that peer from her face do not belong to the girl I know and love. 

I am speechless as her hands cup my face. Her touch is enchanting, almost paralyzing. "Should you serve me well, I will give your heart's desire. What is it that you wish for?" 

Chilled from the cold, I shudder. What do I wish for? I wish for her to be as she used to be. I wish to take everything back and undo the damage I've done. I want things to be right between us. 

"My only wish is to have you back, the way you were before," I tell her, my eyes downcast. Somehow, it seems each time I look her in the eye, I fall more and more under her spell. If I stared into her eyes long enough, I might be willing to do anything she asks. I understand how it was so easy for Edea to lure Seifer into her service. 

But I know that whatever she might ask of me would not be for Rinoa because this isn't Rinoa. It's her body, her face, her hands, but wherever Rinoa is, she isn't here. 

"Oh, Squall," she says, giggling like a child. "You big meanie. I'm still me. Just more powerful." 

I shake my head. "That's a lie." 

Her eyes flash with anger, and I feel her wrath coming on, a fury she will rain upon me should she be provoked, though the waters appear to be still. "You don't love me anymore?" 

She's pushing my buttons. She always did know how to manipulate me into doing her will. Still, this is not Rinoa before me. I came here to serve her, to help her defeat whatever has her in its grip. I don't want to serve a shell that looks like her but isn't her at all. This is someone, something using her body to do it's will, not my Rinoa. I'm certain of it. 

"I love Rinoa, not you," I say, an icy edge in my voice as I attempt to step back, away from her. Except my feet refuse to move. She's done something to keep me here, against my will. 

"But Squall, I am Rinoa. Just a different version of her. I am what she would have eventually become. I am what she would have been driven to be if she'd not had the strength to leave you. Had she stayed, her bitterness would have eventually driven her mad," she hisses, her hands now tangled in my hair, "Just a different version, Squall." 

She presses her lips against mine, and I become swept up in the eroticism of the moment. I can think of nothing else but her lips and her hands that caress and seek to control me. I want her in the worst way, yet I'm repelled by her touch and her taste. Everything about this is wrong. This is not Rinoa. 

I shove her away, my senses returning. "Don't," I warn. 

"That hurts, Squall," she says as tears form in her eyes. "You don't want me anymore?" 

"Stop, please stop this," I beg, placing my hands to my head. Somehow, I must figure this out. I must find a way to get her back. I don't want this thing that stands before me, the thing that looks and sounds like Rinoa but isn't. I want Rinoa, not some demented shell that looks like her and acts like Adel. 

"There's no turning back, now Squall. Either you will be my Knight, or I shall have to kill you." The threat in her voice is much more than an empty one. There's danger in each word, that violence I sensed in the Training Center, and later in Deling. She truly means to kill me if I don't agree to serve her. And if Rinoa's gone, would it matter so much if she did? 

"I don't want to fight you," I say. 

"You won't have to," a voice says behind me. Rinoa and I both turn our faces to the door to see Seifer standing there, tall and confident. "So how about it, hero boy? How about a second round?" 

"Go to hell," I spit at him. 

He smirks. "Are you turning chicken-wuss too?" 

"Fuck you," I swear. Please let my back up be here soon. 

Wait. I have no back-up. I'm no longer a SeeD. 

Seifer laughs and runs at me, his gunblade in the air, ready to cut me down. I am already exhausted and unprepared for battle. I don't feel up to fighting him, and I don't care if he kills me. 

His blade comes down hard upon my shoulder, an icy heat blazes through my upper body as the sharp edge of the sword cuts into my skin. I can feel my face blanche and my body shudder from the pain. 

"Why aren't you fighting back, Squall? Did your precious sorceress break your heart?" Seifer taunts. 

"I concede," I say and drop my gunblade to the floor. It lands with a clatter at my feet. I raise my hands in defeat, my will to fight him gone. "I won't fight you." 

Until now, I had nursed a childish hope of somehow winning Rinoa back. The woman that stands on the sidelines, cheering Seifer on, is not the woman I came for. I don't know where Rinoa, the real one, has gone, but I long to be with her, wherever she is. I'd rather die than assist Adel in her destruction. 

At this moment, I feel exactly as I did when I became lost in the time compressed world. Confused. Unable to decide which way to turn, losing hope of getting back what it was that I came for. Everything about this is wrong and I don't know how to change it. 

"Come on, fight me, coward," Seifer bellows. "Where's your honor?" 

"I have none," I say, looking at the floor where my gunblade rests. 

"Damn it, Squall. You know how to ruin a good fight." Seifer says then lunges at me, the ragged tip of his blade catches me across the knee, the one I injured in Deling City, and I let out a yelp of pain. My knee buckles and I fall to the ground. He will surely kill me now, and I don't care. 

"Rinoa, I love you. I always will," I say, looking up at the Sorceress in Rinoa's body. "If you're in there somewhere and you can hear me, remember that. I'll fight for you and only you." 

Seifer laughs and brings his blade down a third time, opening up a large wound on my cheek. I feel blood course down the side of my face and neck. 

"Withdraw your attack, Seifer," the fake Rinoa commands. 

"Not on your life," he says with a snicker. 

"_Seifer_," her voice calls out, harsh and demanding. "Stop your attacks. _Now_." 

He halts in his tracks and turns to face her, gunblade still poised to do more damage. 

Rinoa comes to my side and kneels where I lay. Her expression is indescribable, a mixture of fear, concern, rage and pride. She places her hand on my shoulder, covering the wound, and heals what damage has been done. She does the same with my knee, which aches and burns under her touch. 

Finally, her hand rests on my cheek, and the wound there heals immediately. She cups my face once more, taking my chin between her hands. Gently, her lips touch mine, a sweet kiss, but ever so brief. "She is still here in this body you know," she whispers in my ear. "She is weak, while I am strong. She knows you are here, seeking to save her. I hear her voice calling for you." 

She pulls away and glances at Seifer. His gunblade now rests against his side and he looks annoyed that Adel has taken his chance to destroy me. 

"And because she once loved you, Squall," she continues, "I will spare you this time."   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Due to the weather, we have been unavoidably detained in a small, dirty hotel on the edge of Esthar. We tried to make it to the Presidential Residence tonight to meet with Laguna, but the winds became so strong we could barely walk, the rain came down so hard, we could barely see. None of us wanted to waste time by stopping, but we didn't have much of a choice. But we are all exhausted and it's terribly late. As much as we'd like to continue, we all agree it wouldn't be a wise decision on our part. Laguna, Squall, Rinoa and Adel will all have to wait till morning, like it or not. I hope the storm clears before then. 

I lie awake beside Selphie, exhausted but unable to sleep. Things really aren't looking good for us, any way you look at it. Our nerves are wearing thin and we're losing sight of what we came here for. I think more about Squall and Rinoa than I do about the awakening of Sorceress Adel. It's hard to maintain focused an objective that might entail killing two of your dearest friends in the world. I don't know how I'd be able to face a situation like that. 

But it might happen. We might have to face the two of them. And what then? Do we kill them? Back down? It's too confusing to think about, and frankly, I'm sick of thinking about it. There's no easy solution, and I'm not going to find one tonight. Hell, maybe there is no solution here. All I know is that I don't want to lose my friends, especially not this way. 

Beside me, Selphie whimpers in her sleep. I stroke her hair for a moment and watch her sweet face as she slumbers, thinking to myself how lucky I am to have her. If I were to lose her . . . 

Stop thinking that way, Irvine. 

She whimpers again and tosses restlessly. I sit up, concern lining my face. She calms down, though I watch her closely for a few long seconds, taking in the distressed look she now has, even in sleep. Must be having a nightmare. 

I am no stranger to nightmares. I get them when I'm stressed, so tonight, I lay awake, certain that if I sleep, I too will have some twisted, vicious night images that will stay with me for the better part of the day. Not exactly what I need on the a day where I may have to eighty-six my dear friends. 

From across the room, I hear Jilly mumble and whimper in her sleep. Hyne, what is this, group nightmare time? 

Suddenly, Selphie sits upright, eyes wide and a choked scream caught in her throat. She gasps for air and her forehead is covered in beads of sweat. 

"Shh," I whisper, taking her into my arms. "Just a dream." 

She sobs against my chest, making choking sounds as she tries to draw in her breath. 

"It's ok," I try and comfort her. Nothing's ok, really, but without some semblance of confidence in myself, I can't expect these three women to believe in me too, least of all my own girlfriend. 

"It was terrible Irvie," she hisses in the darkness, still sucking air, but without those wrenching sobs from before. "Everyone died. All of us. It was terrible." 

I stroke her hair and kiss her face a dozen times or more, trying hard to give her the comfort she needs. "It's ok, baby. Was just a dream." 

Damn, I wish we had a private room. There's nothing that cures restlessness better for me than a little hanky-panky in a rented bed with the woman who I hope will be my wife one day. Knowing Selphie, she'd be easily distracted by a little carnality in the middle of the night, too. 

Speaking of . . . 

I purchased a ring while in FH, right before we left. It was hard to keep Selphie away, but I managed. Now, I just wait for the right time. 

"Were you sleepin'? she asks, adding a yawn to the end of the question. 

"Nah," I reply and lean back against the pillow. "You go back to sleep though." 

"Don't want to," she says and leans her head against my chest. Her hand moves to the left side of my body, and I know she's feeling for my heartbeat. She does this sometimes, and maybe it's a comfort for her, I don't know. But, it's a comfort for me right now. 

It would be so easy for us to run away. It would be selfish, but we could. 

Maybe there is no right time to propose to her. Now seems a good a time as any. I reach for my coat and fumble around in the pocket for the small box hidden there. 

"Irvie, what are you doing?" she asks. 

"You'll see," I tell her and pull the box out, concealing it in my hand as I turn away from her and slip the ring from it's slot inside. I hide the tiny ring in the palm of my hand, mentally going over what I want to say to her. I lay back against the pillow again and pull her to me, and once more her head rests against my chest and her hand settles upon my left side again. I wonder if she does this consciously or not. 

"You should get some sleep, Irvie," she whispers and sighs deeply. 

Here goes nothing. 

I take her tiny hand and slip the ring on her finger. "Spend the rest of your life with me, Selphie," I whisper in her ear. 

She doesn't seem to know what I'm talking about for a moment. Then, she sits up and gazes down at her finger. "Irvie," she sighs and turns to me. "Is this a proposal?" 

I nod, hopeful that she'll accept. "Will you marry me, Selphie?" 

She throws her arms around me and begins to weep again, but all I can do is laugh. I think this is a good sign. 

"Is that a yes, baby?" I ask when she finally pulls away. 

"Yes!" she shouts, forgetting the two other people in the room, who are sound asleep. 

Damn. Now I really wish we'd gotten a private room. 

"Why don't we go take a shower, Irvie," she whispers, twining her fingers in my hair. 

"A shower?" 

"Unhunh," she says planting the most sensual kiss upon my mouth. Oh, _a shower_, I get it now. 

She doesn't have to ask me twice. 

~~~~ 

In the morning, we rise early, each of us sleepy eyed and silent. Selphie is the only one of us who appears refreshed and wide awake. I envy her energy. Never been much of a morning person, and this is definitely a morning where I'd rather sleep in. 

The day has dawned clear and warm, with little trace of the hurricane type weather we experienced last night. The knee deep puddles are gone, and only a light breeze stirs the air around us. It's strange, though, when I finally fell asleep sometime before dawn, the rain was still coming down as though the ocean had sent a tidal wave crashing down upon us. Yet there's almost no evidence of anything out of the ordinary. I wasn't aware that Esthar even had storms of that magnitude. 

Whatever, we'd better get going, for Laguna is waiting for us. Part of me wants to say the hell with him, and go on to the desert lab where Dr. Odine supposedly holds the weak, but awakened Adel. I would assume this is where Squall and Rinoa are and I don't want to waste time talking when we could be saving our friends. But, Squall and Rinoa are not part of our contract. Not yet, anyway. 

When we arrive, it's obvious that we were expected much earlier than this, but it couldn't be helped. Laguna is very agitated and wrings his hands together nervously. I know he's a high-strung kind of guy, but at the moment, he seems wound so tight he might actually snap. Honestly, I don't blame the guy. I kind of feel the same way. 

"Hey guys," he greets. "Thanks for coming." 

Is anxiousness has gotten under my skin like an infectious disease. I remove my hat from my head and begin to worry the brim with my own hands, reflecting Laguna's agitation with agitation of my own. "So what's the situation," I drawl. 

"It's worse than we expected," he replies and perches himself on the edge of his desk, his bare feet inches off the floor. "You all know that Adel has awakened. You know that, but what you don't know is that Rinoa has somehow . . . teamed up with her. Whatever plan Adel has, Rinoa is involved too." 

"You have got to be kidding me," Quistis exclaims, her face lined with fear and concern for one of her dearest friends. "Rinoa wouldn't do that!" 

I am the only one who knows about Rinoa's reasons for acting the way she did. Squall told me much before he left to find her, but I held my tongue, keeping his words confidential. And I'm not about to speak up about it now. I don't think it's my place to spill the beans. 

"I wish I were kidding," Laguna says with a sigh and rubs his hands together nervously. "So, now we have two angry sorceresses who want my head on a plate topped with behemoth gravy and one Seifer Almasy, who claims to be Rinoa's Knight." 

"Great Hyne, help us!" Selphie exclaims. "How did this happen?" 

"Don't know yet," Laguna replies. It's apparent that he's as frustrated as I am at the moment. 

"And Squall?" Quistis asks. "Where is he?" 

"Squall is all right . . . sort of," Laguna says. "He came stumbling in here, in the worst of the storm, talking crazy nonsense, so we had to sedate him for a while. He should be awake soon." 

"So what do we do?" I ask, hoping that he has a plan, because I sure as hell don't. I don't have a clue as to how to handle this situation. 

"Well, if Rinoa weren't someone important to all of us, I'd say kill her," Laguna said, sounding regretful, "So this poses a difficult, eh, stipulation for us." 

"Situation, you mean?" Quistis corrects. 

"You sound like Kiros. Too bad you're not older. He likes blondes," Laguna says with a smile. "But anyway, back to our problem. So now we've got a serious problem, and I've been thinking about it all night, and something doesn't make sense to me." 

Laguna, Hyne love you, sometimes you don't make a lot of sense. 

"And what is that?" Quistis asks. 

"Well, when Adel woke up, she started calling for Squall, at the same time Rinoa started acting weird, am I right?" 

We all nod in agreement. 

"And where did you all defeat Adel? Where did Rinoa receive Adel's powers?" 

"Inside Lunatic Pandora," Selphie says. 

"Correct you are. Odine was mumbling on about the structural make up of the Lunatic Pandora the other morning and something occurred to me," Laguna continues as he stares out into space and gestures with his hands at twenty miles a minute. 

_Where are you going with this, Laguna? Can we just get to the point? We're wasting time standing around talking._

I can't bring myself to vocalize my thoughts. Just because I'm in a hurry to help my friends, that doesn't mean I need to be rude. 

"What if, for some reason, there was some kind of switch, thanks to the mysterious powers inside the Pandora? What if, instead of Rinoa inheriting Adel's powers, something else was transferred? Like, their powers were switched or something? Or their personalities. Or both?" 

Quistis cocks her head to the side and she nods to herself. "Generally, if a woman is good hearted, she will remain that way as a sorceress. Rinoa wouldn't have turned on us like this unless she wasn't herself. Crazy as it sounds, it makes a little sense." 

Quisty, none of this makes sense. I'm getting confused. If Adel has Rinoa's powers, and Rinoa has Adel's, does that mean Adel will become good like Rinoa? And if that's the case, which one do we attack? 

"Like Sorceress Edea?" Selphie asks. "I mean, she got kinda evil when she was possessed, but that was different. She couldn't control herself." 

"I was thinking maybe they are able to possess one another," Laguna says. "Odine also said Adel has not been herself at all." 

"Have you run any of this by Dr. Odine," I ask as I place my hat upon my head once more. I am terribly unnerved and confused by what Laguna is implying, and I am forced to take Selphie's hand for comfort. 

"Uh, not yet. He's not very accepting of my ideas," Laguna says, scratching the back of his neck. "He doesn't see the genius behind some of my plans. But that's another story." 

"You might be right, Laguna," I say, "But isn't it a long shot? It's pretty bizarre to think they've switched." 

Laguna is not given the chance to answer, for he is interrupted by a very pale and very battered looking Squall. "Long shot, maybe. But it"s the only shot we've got." 

"You look like hell," I say by way of greeting. "Good to see you man." 

"Whatever," he replies, sounding weak. His eyes are bloodshot, and there are two new scars on his face, his coat is torn in various places, and he limps heavily, favoring his left leg. Looks like he had a rough night. 

I smirk. "You willing to give it a shot?" 

"I want Rinoa back. What other chance do I have?" he says, and I know he's serious as a stampede of angry Toramas. 

I look around at my comrades, then at Laguna and see approval in all their eyes. "Then we'll back you. Whatever your plan is, we'll do it. Right guys?" 

My friends and team mates nod enthusiastically. 

"So then, what's the plan, young SeeDs?" Laguna asks. 

Squall clears his throat. "My idea was this. If what Laguna says is true, then we have to defeat Adel so that Rinoa can take back whatever part of her that Adel has." 

"But what if it doesn't work?" Quistis asks, worried. "What if Adel dies and takes that part with her?" 

"I didn't say it wasn't risky," Squall replies sounding defeated. 

"So what do we do if it doesn't? We kill Rinoa?" Jilly asks. She seems less than understanding of our situation, and I suppose for good reason. She doesn't know what the six of us went through together, and she doesn't understand what kind of bonds we forged while on that particular mission. I want to be angry with her, I really do, but I can't be. 

"That's the worst case scenario," he says. He swallows hard, as if he's having a hard time maintaining his composure. "We do that only if we can't get through to her, if she's still a threat to us after we've killed Adel." 

"Right," Laguna says, uncharacteristically serious. "I'm having Elle try and talk to her right now, you know, inside her head. I don't know if it'll work, but it's worth a try. If she can get through, we might have a better chance of understanding what's going on." 

"...................." Ward makes a gesture at Laguna and nods. 

"Ward thinks it's a good plan," Kiros pipes up. He's been unusually silent this morning. "And so do I." 

I glance at Squall. I can't read his expression as he stares off into the distance, a sign that he's deep in thought. 

"What's on your mind?" I ask. 

He shakes his head as if it didn't matter and turns towards the door. "Let's go," he says, sounding as confident as he can given the situation. 

Sounds pretty simple, I guess. 

Too bad nothing is ever simple as it seems.   
  
  
  
  
  
  


_Rinoa_. 

What? 

_Wake up._

I don't want to. 

_Come on. Wake up._

No. 

_Please, Rinoa. I need you._

Go away. I was dreaming. A nice dream, too. 

_All of us need you._

Who is this? What do you want? 

_You don't recognize my voice?_

. . . . Elle? 

_Yes, it's me._

Why are you interrupting my dream? 

_Because I need you to help us. I need you to wake up and fight._

I don't want to. I want to stay here where it's quiet. 

_If you don't fight, we'll all die._

~~~ 

_Rinoa, please listen to me._

Why? Why won't you leave me alone? 

_Because we need you to wake up and fight her._

I'm not strong enough. 

_Yes you are._

No, I'm weak. If I were strong, none of this would never have happened. If I were strong, I'd still be me. But I'm not. She's got the control now. 

_. . . How aware are you?_

I know everything. Her plans, her thoughts, the things she's done in the past, the things she will do in the future. Everything. 

_What are her plans?_

Destruction. Complete and total destruction. 

_disconnect_   
  
~~~ 

_Why won't you help us?_

Why won't you go away?! 

_Tell me. We need your help. Every single one of your friends is willing to die for you right now. You could at least help them out a little._

What? Why? 

_Because they love you._

. . . . . . 

_Rinoa?_

What? 

_They love you. Fight for them._

. . . I'm afraid. 

_It's ok to be afraid._

No. I can't fight because I'm afraid. 

_Yes, you can. If you love them, help us._

Elle, I can't. 

_Why not?_

She's too strong! 

_Don't give up on us, Rinoa._

Please, Elle, just leave me alone. 

_. . . .all right._

~~~~ 

Elle? You're still connected. 

_Yes._

What do I have to do? To fight her, I mean.__

_Don't let her control you anymore. Take back your power._

I . . . I can't do that. I don't know how to.__

_Yes you do. All you have to do is believe in your friends, and in yourself._

Sounds corny. 

_It does, but it's the only way for you to regain control._

I'm scared. What if I fail? 

_Failure is better than not doing anything at all. At least you can say you tried._

But I might get them killed. 

_If you do nothing, they're already dead._

Elle? 

. . . . 

Elle?! 

. . . . . 

_disconnect_   
  
  
  
  


********   
Notes   
******** 

Thanks for all the reviews and the kind words. I appreciate them so much. The more you review, the more likely I am to put some effort into this, so keep 'em coming! :) 

Speaking of reviews....an acquaintance of mine, Charlie AKA **The-Flaming-Moe** has written an interesting story called '**Paradise Lost**,' a crossover type thing, and he needs a little constructive criticism from you guys. He's a good writer, but unfortunately has no confidence in his abilities.....if anyone's up to it, give it a read and maybe a review? Thanks..... 

Also.....check out the work that**The Coven** is doing.....there's some very interesting stuff up there. Both **Promise of a Dream** and **Convergence of Destiny** are worth your time. You'll be impressed, I promise. 

Toodles, 

Sara   



	11. Flying Purple People Eater

**BROKEN WINGS**

**_A FFVIII Fan Fiction_**

**Chapter 11**

_Flying Purple People Eater_

  


_"Ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt our regularly scheduled broadcast to bring you this breaking news."_

I sit in the SeeD lounge, bored out of my mind and watching some ridiculous show that's full of scandal and controversy, when this announcement breaks, interrupting a love scene between a man and his best friend's wife. Oh, sweet relief! I'm so tired of watching this crap. The only thing I normally watch is televised sports, blitzball mostly, but since I won't be allowed to participate in any missions for a couple more days, I have absolutely nothing better to do. 

I lean forward and watch the screen intently. 

_"We have just received unconfirmed reports from Esthar that the infamous Sorceress Adel has awakened and has taken control of the notorious Dr. Odine's desert laboratory outside of Esthar. Camera crews are on the scene with our correspondent Corri Donaldson. Corri, what's the situation?"_

On screen, I see Odine's laboratory in the distance, and it has been surrounded by military vehicles and police transport units. Behind it sits the Lunatic Pandora, which glows with a cold, crystalline fire even in the daylight, which seems to intensify the effect. The Pandora is just as I remember. 

_"Well, Dick, we are still uncertain as to whether or not Adel is in fact alive, however, police officials and Esthar military forces are on the scene and have been unable to enter the building. A source close to President Laguna Loire has yet to confirm or deny anything. Sources tell us there may be as many as six SeeD's already present in Esthar, including President Loire's son, SeeD Commander Squall Leonhart and SeeD Assistant Commander Quistis Trepe. Sorceress Rinoa Heartilly is also rumored to have some kind of involvement with this situation, but it's unclear how she's tied to the events that have transpired so far. President Loire was not available for comment. Back to you, Dick."_

_"Sorceress Adel was supposedly destroyed two years ago inside the Lunatic Pandora, which sits behind the building you see on screen by an elite team of SeeD's from all three Gardens. We will bring you more information as this situation unfolds . . ."_   
  
"So much for a covert operation," Xu's voice says from the doorway of the SeeD lounge. 

"Great Hyne on a train," I breathe. "What the hell is the media doing there?" 

"I don't know, but I have a feeling they're going to get in the way," Xu states. With Quistis out on a mission, the responsibility of Commander has fallen to her. I can tell she's secretly thrilled and is doing a terrible job of hiding her pleasure a the fact that she's in charge. 

"Have you heard from them yet?" I ask, longing to be part of the team. 

"No," she replies and avoids making eye contact with me. "Having difficulty contacting them, even through President Loire's office. Seems someone's been calling for him repeatedly, claiming to be from Garden, so they won't even talk to me now." 

"That sucks. So what are we going to do?" 

"I can't say just yet. But I wanted to ask you if you think you're ready to go back out into the field. Dr. Kadowaki has given her reluctant approval, so the final decision is up to you." 

"Hell yeah, I'm ready. You think I like sittin' around doin' nothin' while my team is on a mission?" Yes! And I thought I'd be trapped in FH while my friends were out saving the world once again. 

"Good," Xu says, satisfied. From her smirk, I can tell she's really enjoying this power thing. "You'll leave at three this afternoon for Esthar. Meet the rest of the team in the lobby at a quarter till. We have arranged to use Headmaster Cid's most experimental craft, the _Edea_." 

WOOOHOOO! I'm goin' on a mission, baby! I stand up and stretch, cracking my knuckles. 

Xu smiles secretly. "Very few know about it, so keep it under wraps until then. Just be there at two-forty-five for the mission briefing." 

So what do I do with myself for three hours? Might as well grab a bite to eat. Maybe I'll get lucky and that girl I scared half to death will be there. If so, there won't be any problem getting myself a plate full of hot dogs. 

No such luck. I end up with barbecued steak. Again. It sucks. You'd think with the amount of students at Balamb Garden who eat hotdogs, they'd be smart enough to order more. I eat my steak without tasting it. I'm so excited about my up coming mission, I barely notice the steak is tough enough to make boots out of and the barbecue sauce is really just a reddish-brown liquid that tastes disturbingly like water and salt. 

~~~~~~ 

Finally. A quarter till three. 

As I wait for Headmaster Cid and Xu's to arrive, I pace the hall way, throwing punches into the air. I imagine my target is Adel, and that I'm smashing her ugly, masculine face into a pulp. I'm so nervous. I never could hold still when I was nervous, which, when I was a kid was all the time, thanks to one Seifer Almasy. I don't like to admit this, but Seifer's the reason I chose martial arts as my specialty, so that no one would ever pick on me again. Unfortunately, my fame as a top notch hand to hand fighter was completely lost on him. He might have stopped hitting me, but he found other ways to bully and pick on me. Like calling me chicken-wuss. I know I shouldn't let stuff like that bother me, but there's something about the way that Seifer says it that gets under my skin. 

A select few wait with me. Nearby, Iris Deen, my ex-girlfriend, whom everyone calls _the Pigtail Girl_, waits, leaning against the rail and staring into the indoor river that encircles the center pillar of the Garden. I hear she's become a top-notch mage, and carries some very rare and powerful spells. Also in my crew, is the young man we used to call _chubbs_, Rowan King, who is now second only to Squall when it comes to using a gunblade. He's only fourteen, but one of these days, he may actually exceed Squall in skill. 

When Xu and Cid finally arrive, we all stand at attention and salute our superiors. 

"Well," Cid says, giving each of us a look of approval, "I won't bore you with a long speech. I just want to wish you luck on this mission. It will be trying for some of you, because some of you have personal ties to those involved, and I know it won't be easy for you. Just remember, do what is right and what is just, and in the end you shall have no regrets." 

With that, Xu leads us to the Gala room without speaking. When we arrive, instead of the tables and festive decorations we are used to, there is a large airship, which looks identical to the Ragnarok, but on a smaller scale. So this is why we never have parties here anymore! 

"You are the first SeeDs in Garden, other than myself, Quistis, Selphie and Squall to have seen this vessel. She is equipped with the most advanced radar technology, Q-562 self-propelled hydraulic missiles, touch controls, and zero gravity capabilities. It is equipped with hover technology and can double as a sea craft. She can take off, land, and pilot herself without the aid of an onboard pilot, and has outmatched any jet the Galbadian government has to offer in every area. What you see here is the best of the best, hands down." 

I stare up at the dragon-like, mini-Ragnarok in awe. So I'm gonna be riding in this thing? "So it flies itself?" I ask. As far as I know, Balamb Garden doesn't train pilots. Selphie had to go to Deling City to go through ground school on her own gil, so I'm certain none of those I'm with are able to fly this contraption. 

"Yes. However, pilot controls can be take over at any time." Xu says and folds her hands in front of her. 

"So who's flown it?" 

"So far, Selphie's the only one," she says, a smug smile on her face. 

Selphie knew about this thing and didn't tell me?! I'm amazed that she'd been able to contain herself after cruising around in this. I bet Squall had to threaten her with excommunication to keep her mouth shut. 

"So, on to the mission," Xu says formally. "You will all be going to Esthar to lend support and aid in apprehending the Sorceresses Adel and Rinoa. Termination of both targets is our only option, as we have yet to get through to President Loire about the situation there." 

"Wait a minute?!" I exclaim, unable to believe my own ears. "What are you talking about? You want us to eliminate Sorceress Adel, cool. But what's this about killing Rinoa too?" 

Xu sighs, her expression somewhere between exasperation and guilt. "Overline News Media just confirmed that Rinoa has something to do with this mess, and that she is involved with Adel under some rather . . . shady circumstances. Perhaps there was some misunderstanding, but our sources are rather reliable." 

"I'm not gonna kill Rinoa!" I exclaim, pounding my fist against the palm of my hand. This has to be a terrible mistake, because there's no way Rinoa would team up with Adel. Rinoa's too nice for that. 

"If I can not trust you to follow Garden's directive, then you will remain here, in the brig until this situation is resolved." She states this in a cold, callous voice. I though Squall was cold, but compared to Xu, he's a warm slice of gyshal pie. Xu would be Trabian snow in early January. 

"Oh, _hell_ no!" I exclaim. "I'm goin' and you aren't going to stop me." 

"We have no other option, Zell. Unless there was some confusion, it must be done." 

This is unbelievable. Rinoa is my friend. She's one of us, SeeD or not. Sorceress or not. I won't kill her. 

"Will you follow our orders or not," Xu asks, approaching me, her eyes narrowed to slits. 

I debate this. If I tell her yes, then I can go, but if I keep running my mouth, I'll end up in the dank, dark bowls of Garden, otherwise known as the brig. Well, that's an easy decision. 

"Fine," I say, not meaning it. "I will abide by your orders." 

"Good," she smirks and continues. "You are to use whatever means necessary to support your comrades and if their efforts should fail, you to destroy both Sorceresses. Using any means at all. Just as long as they are most certainly dead. We can't afford to assume like we did before. We need to be sure. Is this understood?" 

I am sickened by the coldness in her voice. 

We salute her, and she names me team captain. She doesn't look very happy about letting me run the show, but what choice does she have? She can't exactly assign Iris the position, as mealy mouthed as she is. Nor could she let Rowan take control, not that he wouldn't be a good leader, it's just that he's so young no one's really confident enough to trust him to make good, sound decisions. 

Well, that's that. We're on a mission to kill one of my closest friends. Does everything always have to be so screwed up? Why can't we just live our lives participating in cut and dry missions with no personal involvement whatsoever? Life would be so much easier if things stayed on an even keel and our personal lives never mingled with our professional lives. But that's the way it's been since the beginning, right? I guess I should be used to it by now, but I'm not. 

How can Xu and Cid reasonably expect me to go against everything I believe in and kill her? I believe in my friends. I believe in them even if I don't believe in anything else. 

Reluctantly, I board the Edea, trailing my squad. Before the hydraulic lift raises me up inside the vessel, I give Xu one last look. She is not looking at me, but is fiddling with some kind of control box, a self-satisfied smile on her face. 

The bitch. She's getting off on this! I didn't like Xu before, but now I really don't like her. 

The interior of the Edea is nothing like the inside of the Ragnarok. For one thing, there is no hangar, merely a storage compartment with two uncomfortable looking bunks, a restroom and the cockpit, which seats eight. The six of us will sit comfortably here. I pick the seat furthest away from Iris and belt myself in, cinching the straps tightly across my chest and lap. Everyone else does the same except for Rowan. 

"Chubbs, belt yourself in," I call up to him. "I've got a feeling this thing can haul some ass." 

Rowan rolls his eyes, but he belts himself in. "Hope we get to blow some stuff up. That would be cool." 

"Do me a favor and don't talk," I say. 

Above us, the glass ceiling of the Gala room separates and slides away, as if on a track of some sort. There is nothing but open sky above us. Seagulls dive and swoop on the ocean wind above, carefree and serene, as if they didn't have a care in the world. 

The engines of the Edea scream to life and I feel the craft lift from the floor, slowly at first, then with increasing power until we have cleared the Garden all together. Suddenly, I am jolted back into my seat and my head slams against the headrest as the mini-Ragnarok begins it's high powered flight towards Esthar. 

This is one hellofa ride. Too bad I'm not able to enjoy it.   
  
  
  
  


Damn this car. Every time we hit a dip in the sand, my head smacks the roof, sending bright stars of pain through my eyes. I already have a scorching headache, and the sun's glare off the white sand isn't helping any either. Never mind the fact that I'm driving when I'd rather not be and Quistis rides shotgun. Why couldn't I have been in the other car? Selphie, Jill, Irvine and Laguna piled into the luxury cruiser that seats four without even asking if Quistis or I would like a ride. So now I'm stuck driving this hunk of metal that probably came from some third world country and will more than likely run out of fuel before we are halfway there. 

I'm glad Quistis has been silent for most of the trip. I can't stand that motherly look of concern that she's been giving me all day, as if I'm a wounded child who needs to be taken care of. 

I don't wan to think about Rinoa right now, but all my thoughts drift back to her and the way she looked and acted last night. As bad as the situation was, I did leave Odine's lab with a little bit of hope. She could have let Seifer have me. She could have killed me herself, but she let me go. To me, that means somewhere inside, the real Rinoa was still there, and she still has a little bit of control over the situation. It means that there's still a chance of saving her. 

"Squall?" she asks, biting her lip and looking at me with those concerned eyes of hers. 

"What?" I ask and lean back in my seat. A spring from the seat cushion pokes me just behind my bad knee. 

"Can I talk to you about something?" 

"Do I have a choice?" 

I can see by her expression that my comment hurt her feelings. Sometimes I don't think about what I say until after it's been said. And then I regret it not thinking about it before hand and end up sticking my foot in my mouth. 

"Hyne, Squall. You can be so cold sometimes. I don't know what I see in you," she says and then closes her eyes and puts a hand to her forehead. 

"What are you talking about?" I ask dully. 

"Come off it, Squall. You know how I feel about you." 

What the hell is she saying? If she's gonna tell me she loves me, I'm parking this car right here and walking the rest of the way. I have a lot of respect for Quistis, but I can't handle this right now. Not with Rinoa acting like some insane, murderous sorceress. Not with the most important person in my life in danger of being cut down by Esthar Armed Forces. 

"Anyway, what I wanted to tell you is that, no matter what, you can always rely on me, and that I'll always be there for you. We're family, no matter what." Her voice wavers slightly and I can tell she's trying her best not to cry. 

"Thanks," I manage. My hand tightens on the steering wheel of this junk heap and I shift the car into fourth gear, stepping down hard on the gas as the sand levels out before me. We'll be there soon. 

"But Squall?" she murmurs, her eyes pleading with me to hear her out. 

Shit. Here she goes. I can feel it coming, I can see it in her eyes. Quisty, you're my friend and I care for you, but I can't handle hearing you admit to your feelings for me. Not now. 

Nevertheless, she sighs and says, "I do love you. Maybe not the way I should, but I do. I'm not stupid enough to even dream of you choosing Rinoa over me, but it still hurts that you did." 

I slam my fist against the steering wheel, causing the car to veer off to the left. "Quistis, stop this. OK? I don't need this from you right now. You're the commander now, and you can't be spouting off about this ridiculous crush of yours. Please!" 

She slumps back in her seat and looks out the window. Fresh tears glisten in her eyes. "You treat me like crap sometimes, Leonhart. You know that?" 

Aggravated, I sigh. "You bring it on yourself sometimes, Trepe. You deserve better than me." 

She smiles ironically despite her tears. "Do I?" 

"Yes, you do," I say and leave it at that because I don't know what else to say to her. Military vehicles up ahead surround Odine's lab and there's a sea of makeshift support buildings made of khaki canvas. Near the back of this circus I notice several vans from news stations. Bloody hell. How are we supposed to get into the building if we can't even get near it? 

"What is all this?" she asks, sitting up and peering through the filthy windshield at the spectacle that seems to have set up overnight. She wipes away the tears and sniffles a little, but I think she's done being emotional. I should apologize, but not now. Don't want her to get all teary on me again. 

"Trouble," I reply. "It's your call, Commander." 

"You're still the Commander and you know it," she fires back. 

"I resigned," I say with a shrug. "Make the call." 

"Let's go find out who's in charge I guess." Her brow furrows and she bites her lip again. "We'll be shot down if we go in there now." 

I shrug and curse the spring that has now dug a hole in the back of my knee. 

We pull into the lot and park beside where Irvine has parked the luxury car. He leans against the driver's door with his arms across his chest watching the commotion around us, a bored looking Selphie at his side. Jilly fidgets with her katal and Laguna is nowhere to be seen. 

"Hey," Irvine greets us and stands up straight, adjusting the hat on his head. "You believe this shit?" 

"Irvie, watch your language," Selphie admonishes, appearing more interested in her nails than the frenzy that is going on about us. Selphie must have been a duck in a former life; she lets everything roll off of her like water. 

"So what's the situation?" I ask. 

Irvine laughs. "Directly to the point, hunh?" 

"Always," I reply, unamused. 

"Laguna's talking with some military people now. Esthar military sent a team in about an hour ago, but they haven't come out and they're not answering their walkie-talkies. Don't know if they're dead or what. And now, the General of the Estharian Armed Forces isn't letting anyone in, under any circumstances." 

"Not even us?" Quistis asks, tilting her head to one side. 

"Nope. He went behind Laguna's back and came out here anyway, even though Laguna told him to wait for confirmation from him. I'd bet that one Estharian General will be out of a job tomorrow." 

What if I just make a run for it? Would they shoot me down? Probably. Then there'd be no chance at all of me getting Rinoa back. 

Shit, this is a mess. Wouldn't be so bad if there weren't all this to deal with. We're just wasting precious time, now. 

"So what do we do?" Quistis asks. 

"I guess we just wait and hope that Laguna figures something out," Irvine says. He pauses and looks at me kindly and pats me on the back. "We'll get her back, man." 

All I can do is nod. I'm beginning to doubt that there's much that can be done. But I don't voice my thoughts on this. I don't want to scare them, don't want to admit out loud what might already be happening. A week ago, Rinoa was herself. Each day that passed, she lost a little more of herself to Adel. Last night, there was only a little of her left, barely enough for her to allow me to go free. I worry that today there won't be anything left at all. 

We wait in silence, watching the melee around us, unamused by the frenzied rantings of reporters and the pompousness of the Esthar Soldiers. I've never personally encountered one in battle, and until two years ago, only seen one through Laguna's eyes, twenty years before. They haven't changed much. They still wear shiny, metallic uniforms, still have the same cock-sure attitudes that I remember. . 

Forty minutes pass before Laguna returns, smiling his usual carefree grin at all of us. "Ok, it's a go. You guys ready?" 

I nod as I ready my gunblade and check my junctions. 

"But, uh, guys?" Laguna says, loosing the smile and becoming serious, something I didn't think Laguna capable of. "The Esthar Military wants Rinoa dead too. They've contracted SeeD. And it's too late for me to call it off. The mission is already in the works." 

"What?!" I ask. "But we don't have anyone with the ability to take down a sorceress left at garden. We're all here." I indicate my friends. 

"Something about missiles and bombs," Laguna says with a shrug. "I didn't understand all of it because the General used some high tech mumbo jumbo and a bunch of double talk. The gist of it is that Garden is sending a high tech jet called the _Edea_, which Esthar commissioned to Garden six months ago. It's amazing! It's got all these neat gadgets and features. We made two, the _Edea_ and the _Rinoa_. I named 'em myself! I took one for a test drive and I had the time of my life. Fantastic ride! And, it's capable of wiping out the entire city, eh, without a pilot." He realizes what he's saying and scratches the back of his head. 

"So the point is?" I ask, frightened at what he's implying. I know about the_ Edea_, but I didn't know there was a _Rinoa_ too. From what I understand, it can obliterate the whole of Esthar, which is immense, than I can only imagine what it could do to Odine's lab. 

"The point is, this thing is heading to this site. They're about to clear the area, which means it'll be here in just a little while, and it's armed to strike. With Q-562 hydraulic bombs." Laguna now wrings his hands together, realizing the seriousness the situation. 

With bombs that size, I have no trouble picturing what would happen should they strike the lab. The whole thing would be reduced to a pile of dust. Not rubble, but pure, powdery dust. I was never told the _Edea_ carried such tremendous strike power, I only knew it had bombing capabilities. 

"How much time do we have?" I ask. 

Laguna swallows hard and blinks. "About twenty minutes." 

Twenty minutes. 

How do we convince Seifer, Adel and Rinoa to get out of the lab in such a short amount of time? Better yet, how do we prevent the Lunatic Pandora from being destroyed as well? Wait, can it be destroyed? If it can, we have to move it and move it fast. We need it to switch their personalities back. But how do we move it? And, if we get it moving, do we have to take it to Tears Point for the switch to work? And if that's the case, there'll be another Lunar Cry. 

So many questions, so many possibilities. I snap out of my thoughts and realize everyone is staring at me. 

"Squall? What's our plan?" Irvine asks. 

Even though I've resigned my position as Commander, they're still looking up to me. I'm as lost and clueless as they are, confused about how to handle this, and they still think I have all the answers. I look at Quistis for direction. 

"You're still our commander," she says. "Even if this is only in an unofficial capacity." 

I sigh and look at my friends. Whether I want it or not, they've all silently elected me leader. "Let's get them out of there. They may all be insane, but they'll listen." 

They have to listen. 

Nineteen minutes. 

"Come on," I yell and sprint for the doors. 

"Squall?" Quistis, asks as she runs beside me. "Why would Cid send the _Edea_ for this mission?" 

"I don't know," I breathe. "I'm trying to figure that out myself." 

"He wouldn't have Rinoa killed, would he?" 

"I hope not," I say. But then, the man did order us to kill his own wife during the second sorceress war, so I guess it's possible that he did. We _are_ SeeDs after all. We are trained to destroy sorceresses. 

"Maybe someone we have a traitor in our ranks," she suggests as we hit the doors at the same time, flinging them back hard enough to make them slam into the wall. Glass shatters and cascades to the floor. 

I check my watch. Eighteen minutes. 

Selphie, Irvine, and Jilly are right behind us and follow as I hurry towards the double doors at the end of the foyer. 

"Be prepared," I tell them. 

The doors fly open before we can touch them, and Rinoa, flanked by Adel and Seifer greets us with a warm smile. At her feet are three dead Estharian soldiers. She steps over them without even a glance down, as if their deaths matter nothing to her. "Brothers, sisters!" she exclaims, opening her arms to embrace us. Her lips curve into a warm smile and her eyes sparkle with joy. Then, she walks to me and embraces me as if she were still the way she was before. But I know she's not. I can tell just by looking at her eyes that nothing has changed since last night. 

"There's no time," I tell her as I push her away, glancing at Seifer, who smirks at us as if he is already the victor of the battle to come. "There are bombs on their way here. All of you have to get to safety." 

Adel steps forward, her bright red braid swishing behind her. "This is a trick." 

"I wish it were," I gush. "If we don't get out of here, we're all dead." 

Rinoa smiles and caresses my face. Her touch makes me shudder. "Foolish boy, to think we'd fall for such a trick." 

"It's not a trick, Rinoa!" Selphie cries out and steps forward, her green eyes wild and frightened. "We have to go, now. _Please_!" 

"Selphie!" Rinoa exclaims, her eyes glittering with happiness. "There's someone you must meet. She's been waiting nineteen years to see you again." 

"What?" Selphie asks, confused. "Rinoa, you don't understand. We don't have any time to talk. We have to get out of here 'cause they're gonna blow us up!" 

Fifteen minutes. 

Rinoa laughs and snatches Selphie's hand, pulling her forward. I watch in horror as Rinoa hands Selphie over to Adel like a small sacrificial lamb. Try as she might, Selphie can not break free from Rinoa's grasp and she screams, "Lemmie go!" 

None of us seem able to move forward to save her. 

"Pipe down," Rinoa hisses and gives Selphie a rough shove. Selphie falls at Adel's feet and peers up at the tall, ugly woman. "Selphie Tilmitt, meet your mother, Adel."   
  
  
  
  


*******   
Notes   
******* 

I am an obsessive note maker, and let it be known to all that I hate adverbs. They are the bane of my existence. This particular chapter had so many, I wanted to scream. I took almost every one of them out just to spite myself. This chapter is also where I started to really let my writing skills slide in favor of getting the chapters posted quickly. From this point on is where the real re-write begins. 

So here's where I shamelessly plug other writers......check out **_Noacat's_** story **Angel Wing**. It's an adaptation of the game, but not quite your average novelization or adaptation. The banter between Selphie and Zell alone makes it worth reading, nevermind the fact that it's so well written it makes you wonder why Noacat isn't working on a novel for publication. Maybe if we bug her, she'll post another chapter some time in the near future.....*wink* 

Thank you reviewers....love to hear your comments!   



	12. Bombs Away, Baby!

**BROKEN WINGS**

**_A FFVIII Fan Fiction_**

**Chapter 12**

**Bombs Away, Baby**

  
  


You ever been given a piece of news that shatters you? Ever been told something that might be true but you refuse to believe it based on the horrible things it implies? I searched long and hard to find my birth mother for many years while I was at Trabia Garden, spent countless hours at a computer terminal trying to back track through adoption records and orphanage records to find the woman that gave me up. I wanted to know the reasons why other children had parents and I didn't. It wasn't that I was angry or hurt that they didn't care enough to keep me, I needed to know for peace of mind. I might be eternally happy on the outside, a perky little cheer leader type, but I also have worries and ghosts, just like everybody else. People think that because nothing gets me down, I'm not concerned about anything but the pursuit of happiness. That's not it at all. I'm happy because I choose to be. I choose to take pleasure in the small things. Life is a lot more interesting if you always look on the bright side and don't let the bad things get you down. And no matter how bad things are, if you look for the good, you can always find it. 

Except in this situation. If what Rinoa says is true, if Adel really IS my mother, I can't think of one good thing that can come from it and that's really scary. I can't think of any way I could have benefited from being her daughter. 

Slowly, I get to me feet and stare up at her, bombs momentarily forgotten. I don't see any resemblance to myself in her face. 

Rinoa's wrong. That's all it is. Adel has brainwashed her into thinking something that's not true. I can't think of one good reason why she'd do that, but she is crazy, after all. Right? 

"Damn it!" Squall shouts, his face red and eyes wide with panic. "This isn't some shoddy plan we cooked up. This place is going to be dust in about thirteen minutes. We need to get the hell out of here, now!" 

Squall's voice reminds me of what we're here to do. "Rinoa, listen to Squall! WE ARE GOING TO DIE IF WE STAY HERE!" I scream. 

"Darling, don't you care that your mother, whom you were taken from so cruelly when you were just hours old, stands before you now, ready to take you into her arms as her own?" Rinoa asks. 

"She's not my mother," I say and shake my head. 

"Holy Hyne on a stick," Jilly says from the back of the group. "We don't have time for this!" 

That's right we don't do we? I think quickly, and turn to Rinoa. I put on my very best happy smile and take her by the hand. "Rinny, we need to get to safety. We can talk about all this later, okeydokey? Right now, let's worry about those bombs and then we can sit down and have a nice little chat and sort all this out." 

"No," Rinoa says. "We do this now."   
  
  
  
  
  


"Squall, do something," Quistis says. Her face reflects the same panic Squall's does and my eyes dart between the two, trying to figure out if they're full of it or if there really are bombs on the way. I've never known either of them to lie, and I can't think of an instance in all my years of knowing them that they've ever even attempted. Squall especially seems about to come unglued, and to a lesser extent so does my former instructor. 

This is not a trick. This is the real thing. 

Holy shit. 

"Adel, Rinoa," I interject, knowing that I'll be reprimanded, but I have a sworn duty to protect them at all costs and if any situation is worth a scolding, it's this one. "I'm afraid they may be right." 

"Did I give you permission to speak?" Rinoa demands. Her eyes turn to me, furious that I've spoken out of turn. 

"Forgive me, Sorceress. I speak because I fear for your life. Look at their faces," I whisper. "They're serious." 

She turns to look at the SeeDs that stand before us and eyes each one cautiously, up and down as if evaluating the sincerity of their words. "You say missiles are coming?" 

"Yeah, in about eleven minutes," Squall replies after a glance at his wristwatch. 

"Not much time to get out of here," I remark as I glance around the room. From somewhere in the distance, I hear a low, dull rumble. I know that sound. It's the sound of approaching jet engines, and they'll surely grow louder as the seconds pass. "So much for eleven minutes, hero boy." 

"Shut up!" Squall fires back. "Do you not realize the seriousness of our situation? You think your sorceresses can protect you from the fuck bombs that they're about to drop on us?" Squall's face is red and his eyes have taken on a certain madness that I have only seen one before. 

The first time I cut his flesh with my blade. The day he cut mine for the first time. That was the first time I saw madness in his eyes, the first time I realized what he was capable of. 

Adel straightens her posture and waves her hand in the air to get our attention, her long talon like nails shine with polish so red, it appears she'd dipped her fingers in fresh blood. "To the Pandora, then. We will be safe inside." 

The low rumble has grown louder and now I can hear the dull shriek of approaching jet engines. They're near, all right, and we've got no time to escape. 

This can't be happening. I'm Seifer Almasy. I am knight to the two only existing sorceresses on the planet. Surely there's something they could do to stop the impending barrage of firepower headed our way. We should be invincible. We are invincible, right? 

"Ok," Squall agrees, giving Adel a reluctant nod and then looks back at his team. "Let's go." 

Adel leads us to a small metal door and raises her hand before it, patterning it quickly and then releases a powerfully bright ball of fire that melts the seal around the edges. With a swift front snap, I kick in the door in. It hits the floor with a loud metallic clang and we all file inside, the sorceresses and Selphie first. 

As we run down the metal service way that leads inside the Pandora, I feel the ground begin to shake beneath my feet. 

Up ahead, Rinoa and Adel have already entered the Lunatic Pandora. A breathless, Selphie is tugged helplessly along by her puny little wrist. I follow, hoping I make it inside before the whole place goes up in a cloud of smoke. I don't care about Squall or any of the others, I care only about living through this. Self-preservation is a sinful thing, but I'm not going to lie and say I give a damn whether Squall and his SeeD friends live or not, because I don't. They don't mean all that much to me. Or maybe that's a lie. I don't know, and right now, I don't care. As long as I live through this, I can think about it later. 

We run through the twisted corridors and tunnels of the Lunatic Pandora until we reach the area where the crystal pillar is located, which is empty except for Dr. Odine, who frantically writes notes to himself on a small pad of paper. He seems oblivious to the situation outside, and if he knows about it, he doesn't care. 

I hope this damned Pandora thing can withstand a blast. Please, Hyne, let it hold up. 

"Vat are you doing here?" Odine demands, eyeing the procession of misfits before him with great suspicion. 

"Missiles . . . are on . . . their way," Squall says as he struggles to catch his breath. 

Odine shrugs. "Ve vill be safe in here. Nothing can penetrate zis crystal. Not even diamonds. Ve vill be quite safe." 

I hope this little madman is right. 

"Can it be moved?" Squall asks. 

"Yes," Odine says and stares at Squall through beady black little eyes. "Vat, you vant zat I move ze Pandora? You vant me to put off my important research?!" 

"If you want to live, you might wanna consider it," a girl I don't recognize says as she steps up behind Odine and places one of her katal against his throat. I don't know her, but I kind of like her already. No one else in that do-gooding crew has the balls to do something like that. 

"Ok, ok. No need for violence, I vill do as you ask," Odine says holding his hands in the air. "One thing. Ze Pandora may be drawn to Tears Point. Ve may cause another Lunar Cry." 

"We'll deal with that later," Squall says. "Jilly, you go with Odine." 

The screech of the jet engines has become deafeningly loud now, the high pitched whine has begun to reverberate within the walls of the Pandora, sending frantic spirals of light through the crystal in all shades of incandescent color, opaque and rather captivating, even in these circumstances. There is also a low, barely audible hum coming from somewhere, everywhere. I look around, trying to locate the source, perhaps a pair of hidden speakers, but the sound seems to be coming from all around us. 

Something outside explodes. 

Suddenly, the floor shakes violently and every one of us is sent flying. My head collides with something sharp that sends waves of agony through the left side of my face. A second painfully loud explosion is followed by a third, fourth, fifth. 

Shit. We're gonna die. 

The hum has grown in pitch and volume. It stings my ears, makes my eyes water, makes my skin feel like I've rolled in something disgusting like garbage or blobra slime. And I swear I smell lavender, the perfume my mother once wore. That's the only thing I remember of her. Lavender. 

Maybe I'm going mad. 

When the ground ceases to tremble, we all get to our feet, glancing at one another. 

Rinoa wastes no time in using this distraction to seize Selphie once again. "Selphie, you're being so rude! This is your mother. Say something to her." 

"Let me go!" Selphie exclaims and fights against Rinoa's hold on her. 

Irvine cocks his gun and aims it at Rinoa. "You heard the lady," he drawls. "She told you to let her go." 

A glance at Squall tells me he's torn between intervening and holding his peace. 

Finally. My chance to kick some ass. "Not so fast there, cowboy." I draw my gunblade and smile wickedly at him. "You have to go through me to get to her." 

"Give it up, Seifer," the cowboy says with a roll of his eyes. "We've been down that road before. I thought you'd learned a lesson, but I guess that head of yours really is thick as a cement foundation." 

That's it. The cowboy's going down. All eyes are upon us, with the exception of Selphie and Adel, who stare at one another, both speechless. 

"Bring it on cowboy," I say, laughing. "You're not that tough." 

"Maybe not, but I never miss my target," he says and spits out the side of his mouth. He pulls the brim of his hat low over his eyes and positions the butt of the rifle against his shoulder. His finger is on the trigger. I don't doubt he's aiming for my head. I raise Hyperion above my head and lunge for him, ready to strike him down before he can even get a shot off. 

Before I can bring my blade down upon him, Rinoa unleashes a stop spell on everyone but herself and the mother daughter pair before us. Her eyes flare with a violet light, her expression angry. She looks beautiful. And dangerous. 

"Finally some silence," Rinoa sighs. "Let's try this again, shall we? Selphie, this is your mother, Adel." 

Selphie trembles in Rinoa's grip, eyes wide, her mouth open in shock. She shakes her head and whimpers slightly. 

"Don't you want to say something to her?" 

"She's not my mother," Selphie whispers. "She's not. She can't be." 

Adel takes a step closer to Selphie and reaches out to her, as if to embrace her. Selphie cringes away, but Rinoa gives her a shove towards Adel's open arms. Selphie falls into Adel's embrace and her arms and body go slack, her head tilts back, her face to the ceiling. 

"My child," Adel says. Her voice rebounds from wall to wall, and the mind bending hum begins once again. "You are mine for good now. I shall keep you safe from harm. You and only you shall be spared the wrath I will bring upon our world." 

Wait, what about me? I'm the Knight. Shouldn't I be spared too? An oversight, I'm sure. After all, she's meeting her daughter for the first time since her birth. She's just caught up in the emotion of the moment. 

Adel's eyes turn to me, as she cradles Selphie in her arms. She knows my thoughts. 

"Seifer." Her voice echoes through the room, though her lips have not moved to speak a word. 

Is she talking inside my head? This is nuts! 

_I can hear your thoughts._

Oh shit. 

_Now is the time for you to swear allegiance to me, and only me._

Is she crazy? I'm in this for Rinoa, not this manly looking creature. 

_Rinoa can not grant you what you truly wish for. She hasn't the strength or the will to do so. But I can. Swear your allegiance to me and I shall give you everything. Fame, fortune, sex, immortality. It's all yours, if you promise me your hand shall protect me and only me._

She can make me immortal? 

_Of course I can._

How do you know what I really want? I haven't told you anything. How can I trust you? 

_I know everything there is to know about you. Rinoa will betray you should you align yourself with her._

Rinoa wouldn't do that. 

_She would betray you for Squall in a second. Right now, she's attempting to convince him to serve her and kill you._

I stare back at her cold eyes, and she returns my gaze without blinking. 

_Swear that you will protect me._

How can I trust her? 

_Trust me and I will spare your friends, Fujin and Raijin as well. A Knight needs his comrades, doesn't he?_

I must admit, this is a tempting offer. But does she know Rinoa's what I want most? I want her to be mine, for all time. 

_Then you may have her when my plan is complete._

What do I have to do? I'll sign my name in blood if I have to. 

_You don't have to do anything but swear your allegiance to me._

Then I swear. I Seifer Almasy shall be your knight. 

Adel holds out her hand and casts dispel on me. My gunblade drops from my hand, momentum of the swing shattered by the stop spell. Hyperion clatters to the floor and I bend to pick it up. 

"What was that?" Rinoa asks, angry. Her eyes dart from Adel to me. "Are you planning to betray me?" 

I shake my head. Adel only smiles and begins to coo incomprehensible baby talk to Selphie, who still sags in her arms, limp and lifeless. 

"Answer me," Rinoa demands as she continues to cut her eyes back and forth between Adel and me. 

"Of course not," Adel coos. "We're a team. Without you, I can't complete my plans." 

"Which are?" Rinoa asks. Her eyes narrow in suspicion and she takes a threatening step towards Adel. 

"World domination, of course." Adel's words are as smooth as milk chocolate, and about as cloying. "Really, girl, you have no cause to mistrust me." 

Rinoa's head cocks to the side, and she takes another step towards the hideous red-haired woman. "Don't I? One of us will not make it out of this alive, and it won't be me who perishes." 

"That sounds like a threat, dear girl." 

"Not a threat, just a warning." Rinoa seems to be on the verge of acting out on buried rage, and I must do something to calm her down. 

"My lady," I say graciously as I kneel before her, "What shall I do with the SeeD's?" 

Her face turns to mine and for a moment, she appears confused. Then her eyes travel over the frozen group behind me and recognition sets in. "Leave them alone for now. We will take care of them later."   
  
  
  
  


_Rinoa._

Elle? 

_Yes._

What do you want? 

_It's time for you to fight. Please say you'll help us._

I don't know if I can. She's too strong. 

_Are you trying?_

Yes, but I can't get through. She's too powerful, and I'm afraid. 

_Rinoa, you have to try harder. Don't let her win._

I'm tired Elle. 

_Rinoa, please! Help us! We need you to be strong._

But I'm not strong. I'm weak. 

_No, you're not. You're stronger than she is. You just have to try._

I'm so afraid Elle. I can't get through. 

_Rinoa, they're going to kill you if you don't do something, if you don't fight back. Do you want to die? Do you want all your friends to die too? That's what's going to happen if you don't fight harder. They have to know that you're in there, so please, just try a little harder. Please!_

............... 

_Rinoa?_

I'm sorry, Elle. There's nothing I can do. 

_Disconnect._

~~~~~~~~ 

_Don't you dare give up hope, Rinoa. You're a sorceress for Hyne's sake. You have powers of your own. Use them._

............... 

_Rinoa, please answer me._

What do you want me to say? I'm trying my best, but I can't get through. 

_Promise me that you won't give up on us._

I promise. 

_Squall wanted me to tell you that he loves you._

I know he does. I love him too. 

_Then try harder._

Disconnect. 

~~~~~   
  
_Rinoa?_

What? 

_There's something I need to tell you, and maybe it'll help you believe in something. Maybe it'll give you reason to keep going._

What is it? 

_You'll soon be a mother. The child you carry already has a voice of his own, and he wants you to live, if not for yourself then at least for him._

.................. ! 

Disconnect.   
  
  
  
  


We just bombed something. Oh, Hyne. We just bombed something! Did Rowan push a button? I didn't see him push one, but that doesn't mean anything. I was more concerned about losing my lunch all over Iris, who now sits in front of me than I was about what Rowan was doing up in the pilot seat. 

We bombed something. This can't be real. Ok, don't panic, Zell. Take a deep breath and think. 

This is bad. 

As the Edea levels off and begins to fly straight again, I unbelt myself and make my way precariously to the pilot seat. My legs feel like sun-warmed lime jello and I'm having a hard time staying vertical, so I must grip the headrest of each seat in my path. 

I have to forcibly remove Rowan from the pilot seat, and I feel like smashing his little boy face in when he shrieks, "That was KILLER!" 

He's lucky I didn't kill _him_. 

"Did you touch anything? Push any buttons?" I demand to know as I sit down and belt myself in. 

"Didn't touch a thing, but, oh man, that was _awesome_!" he continues. If he says another word, he's going out the escape hatch. Without a parachute. 

"No, it wasn't. We don't know what the hell we just took out. Could have been anything! Part of Esthar, even. Now sit your ass down and shut up before I hurt you," I say, meaning every word of it. Rowan's expression of excitement quickly becomes one of concern and the takes the seat I just vacated minutes ago. 

This is really bad. 

Ok, concentrate. What are all these buttons? This green one dumps auxiliary power, the blue one controls air circulation, and the white one contacts ground control. Aha. Here's what I'm looking for. Onboard Positioning System. I key in our altitude and the coordinates that my gages display. A small LED monitor immediately locates our position. 

13.5 miles south of Dr. Odine's Desert Laboratory. 

Is that what we just bombed? 

Hyne, let it be anything but that. 

I take a deep breath and sit back in my seat. I close my eyes and fold my hands in my lap, praying that we bombed open desert and not the lab. The lab is where Dr. Odine had Adel imprisoned, right? Makes sense to assume that Rinoa, Squall and the rest were there too. 

Maybe I should have taken Dr. Kadowaki up on her prescription for those ADHD meds. I'd probably be a lot more in control than I am now if I had, more focused. 

Abruptly, the Edea makes a sharp bank turn to the left and we hurtle back in the direction we came from. Up ahead, a thick, black cloud of smoke rises from the general area of the lab. I know sand doesn't smoke like that. We must have hit something. 

Like the lab. 

I glance at a small monitor to my right in time to catch text scrolling down the screen. Most of the information is incoherent codes and technical terms, but the final words on the page make my blood run colder than the wind in Trabia. 

_Missiles armed. Locked on target. Firing sequence beings in 15 seconds._

Oh shit. Shit, shit, shit! How do I stop it? 

I frantically begin pressing buttons, hoping that I hit one that will interrupt the next wave of air attacks. Nothing happens. 

_Ten seconds._

Come on, Hyne. If you're up there, I need your help. Now. I've never asked you for a single thing before now, so if you could, do something! 

Desperate, I pound my fist against the control panel, praying I might do enough damage to short out the system. 

Still, nothing. 

_5 seconds._

I scrunch my eyes shut and let out a frustrated cry as I hear the bomb bay doors open. I don't want to watch. I can't watch. 

But like a voyeur, I can't help but peer out the cockpit window as we race towards a burning pile of nothing and the towering Lunatic Pandora which is half shrouded in the black smoke. 

That's our target, I presume. 

Helplessly, I watch as the missiles charge towards the structure with deadly speed. The first one strikes the topmost portion of the Pandora and explodes in a ball of fire. A second one follows, a third and fourth and fifth and sixth. 

Unbelievably, there's no damage to the hull of the Lunatic Pandora other than mild surface scarring and some burn marks from the explosions on impact. 

Amazing. 

Six Q-562 hydraulic bombs should have obliterated the damned thing. 

I gather my wits and punch a purple button that contacts Garden. I need to find out what's going on. 

"Garden, this is the E_dea_. Do you copy?" I state into the small microphone before me. I've always wanted to talk on one of these things, but today it doesn't hold much of a thrill for me. 

"We read, _Edea_, go ahead." It's Nida's voice on the other end. Since when does he work in communications? 

"We just bombed something. I think it was an accident, or a system malfunction or something. I couldn't stop it," I gush, realizing for the first time that I may be blamed for the death of my fellow comrades below. 

"No malfunction, Zell," Nida says. "The system was programmed to do that." 

"What?!" I exclaim. "You mean to tell me this was supposed to happen? Put Xu on, now!" 

"Xu's in a meeting with the headmaster right now," 

"I don't give a damn if she's giving head to the Prime Minister of Centra. Put her on now!" I scream at him as if it were his fault. We were supposed to bomb the lab? Why? Why would Garden issue such a directive? Why would Cid approve something like this? This stupid thing can pilot itself, right? So why send three SeeDs to witness the destruction and sit helplessly while it happens? What was the purpose? 

My head hurts. 

A few minutes, Xu's impatient voice says, "What is it, _Edea_?" 

"What the hell is going on here?" I demand. "Why didn't you tell us we were going to be bombing stuff?" 

"We weren't authorized to give you that information," Xu replies. 

"Weren't authorized? Are you authorized to participate in murdering your comrades? Do you realize that they're probably dead down there?" I screech at her. Sometimes, I wish there was such a thing as an instantaneous teleportation device, because I'd teleport myself right into her office and throttle her until she turned purple and her tongue swelled up. 

"Sometimes you have to sacrifice a few lives to save everyone else." 

"I get it. You want to make martyrs out of them," I say flatly. "How do I take control of this thing?" 

"You do not have permission to do that," she says, a haughty tone in her voice. 

"Does Headmaster Cid know about this?" 

"I can't give you that information." 

"He doesn't, does he?" She set this whole thing up without Cid's knowledge, didn't she? 

"Zell, don't anger me. You have no idea what you're dealing with," she says. I can hear the threat in her voice. 

"How do I take control of this thing? Tell me or I'll expose you as the traitor you are when we return," I say, imitating her threatening tone. 

"I am not a traitor. I'm just as concerned as you are about our friends," 

"Like hell you are!" I shout. 

"You don't have to believe me," she replies, "but I do care what happens to them." 

"If you care, then tell me how to fly this thing," I plead. I have to do something. Even if they're dead, maybe I can at least bring their bodies back to Garden so they have a proper burial. 

Oh, Hyne. Burial? Fat angry tears well up in my eyes at the realization that my friends, my closest, dearest friends, are most likely dead. 

"Please, Xu," I say as I wipe my eyes free of tears. I can't cry in front of all these kids. That's undignified. Embarrassing. 

There's a pause on the speaker, then Xu finally says, "There's a white switch in the upper left hand corner of the panel. It's unlabeled. Push it to the right. It turns off the auto pilot." 

I reach out and flip the switch. It makes a loud popping noise in the silence. "Ok," I say. "Now what?" 

"That's up to you," she says. Abruptly, the com link cuts off and I'm faced with a deep, dead silence.   
  
  


The girl is much stronger than I anticipated. I have taken over both her body and her mind and I control them to my heart's desire, but I can feel her pulling at me, looking for a way to push me out. She's not as much of a weakling as I thought. I find it strange that it is now that she has chosen to fight back, considering her knight stands by ready to fight her should he have the need. 

He is everything my own knight is not. I know much about the boy from Rinoa's memories of him, and it is a pity that he will not serve us. He is powerful, courageous and pure of heart. But he would betray me for Rinoa in an instant, I know this for certain. Is it because of him that she has chosen to attempt to release herself from my control? I am not certain. There seems to be some other factor, but I can not discern what that is. 

Where before I could read her thoughts, I am unable to now. She has succeeded in constructing a barrier around herself that I can not penetrate. It worries me that she is capable of doing this, but I doubt she has the time or energy to reclaim herself before this is all over.   


=====   
Notes   
===== 

This chapter was accidentally posted to Oceans Apart....not paying attention to what I was doing. I appologize to anyone who got excited and thought that I had updated. Don't worry, it's coming, just not today. 

Thank you to all my reviewers! 

He he. I love plot twists. There are two new sections in this chapter that were not in the original story, and the ending will be significantly different than the original.....it won't change anything on the whole and it won't change the outcome . . . . 

I just read the funniest fic I've ever seen here on FF.net.....it's** _Sorted Laundry_** by **Wayward Tempest. **If you haven't read it yet, give it a look. It made me laugh so hard I cried. 


	13. I Betray Thee

**BROKEN WINGS**

**_A FFVIII Fan Fiction_**

****

****

****

**Chapter 13**

_I Betray Thee_

__

__

Elle. There's something you need to know. 

_Tell me._

If they kill Adel without weakening my body enough to make her pull away, it's game over for me. That is if I can't gain control of myself first. She intends to take over my body and use me to do her dirty work. 

_Are you sure?_  
  
  
Yes. They're going to have to wear me down to the point of collapse before she'll let go. 

_When this happens, what are they supposed to do?_

Hit Adel with everything they've got.   
  


The Pandora has started to move. It gives me a bit of hope that my friends are still alive. 

"Brace yourselves, 'cause it's gonna be a bumpy landing," I tell my team as I take control of the_ Edea_. I can hear Iris whimper behind me, and I don't blame her. I'm not exactly experienced at piloting large, heavily armed experimental aircraft. But, what the hell, I don't have many options here. It's either fly it and die trying or do nothing and have the deaths of my comrades on my conscience for life. I don't even want to contemplate the fact that that might be the case anyhow. 

I pull the craft into a steep left climb and circle the Pandora in search of some weakness I might be able to penetrate. We got through before, in the _Ragnarok_, but it was a much larger vessel, and Quisty was on the cannons firing way. Perhaps I might try the same technique. It's risky, though. Those hydraulic bombs are no joke. If they were to explode on impact, we all may be dead. If my friends are still alive in there, I might be signing their death warrant. 

Down below, I spy a hole in the side, formerly the entrance from Odine's lab, and I let out a cry of excitement. I can't help myself. There might actually be a chance that they're alive! "Crash landing," I tell my team. "Rowan, you'd better have your harness on back there." 

"What do you think I am, a moron?" he replies, but I hear the distinct click of the belt behind me, and I grin to myself. I aim the nose of the _Edea_ at the hole, and silently say a prayer. _Hyne, please let my friends be alive. I don't ask you for much, so please, please let them live. I'll swear off hotdogs. I'll be nicer to the cafeteria ladies. I'll never take your name in vain again, if you'll only spare my friends._

This is kind of like driving a car. If the situation weren't so grim, I'd be enjoying the hell out of this, but seconds before impact, I wonder what kind of effect crashing into the side of the Pandora will have on those bombs. If they're armed, then we're dust. 

We hit hard. My breath leaves my lungs for several long seconds, but we haven't been incinerated. I peek out of the windshield to see that the the nose of the _Edea_ is wedged deep inside of the Pandora. All around us, the walls pulse like the northern lights. Curious. It didn't do that the last time. Something must be happening inside, and I hope that something means my friends are still alive. I unbuckle myself and climb from my seat. The rest of my crew follow my lead and I turn to them. "All right, guys, this is it. I don't care what Xu ordered us to do. I don't want Rinoa harmed. I know we're going against orders, but they don't understand." Neither do I, but they don't need to know that. "I'll take all the blame if we're punished." 

"That's good to know, Zell," Rowan says, his words laced with sarcasm. "You're assuming, of course, that we make it out of here alive." 

"Rowan, do me a favor and shut up for once. Please." Iris says as she checks her junctions. 

So maybe Iris is getting over her fear of speaking out. I couldn't have said it better. "Let's go." 

They follow me through the winding corridors that all look the same to me. We could be walking in circles inside this thing for all I know. And that pulsing light is starting to get to me. It's creepy. And what the hell is that buzzing noise? Where's it coming from? I look back at my team, and I can tell they hear it too. Iris' eyes sweep left and right, up and down in attempt to locate that sound. I've never heard anything quite like it before. It's musical, yet discordant, enchanting, yet irritating. Just like the lights. The colors ripple and swirl inside the walls, intense, then weak. Sometimes they're rhythmic pulses of light, and other times, they're erratic and nonsensical. Sometimes, the colors form shapes. I could swear a little while ago, I saw the image of a crow preparing to take flight, it's wing's outstretched, and it's head towards the sky. 

"The lights are beautiful," I hear Iris mumble, and she stops to touch the wall beside her. When she removes her hand, a faint imprint is left behind, then becomes giant sized and dissipates into thousands of spirals. "There's so much energy . . ." she mumbles again. 

"Iris, focus, ok?" I say to her and continue my way through the maze of corridors. I could swear we just saw that boulder a few minutes ago. Shit. We really are going in circles. I hope my team doesn't notice that the scenery in here is never-changing. We keep going around and around. It doesn't matter which direction I turn, it seems, because we always end up in the same places. 

"Hey, Zell!" Jilly cries as she suddenly spots us. She's up ahead, having just come from a passage to the left of us 

"Jilly!" I cry, thrilled to see her. "Hyne, I thought all of you were dead." 

"Almost," she says. "Come on, we've got to go help the others." 

I nod and follow her. 

Just when I begin to think we're never going to find them, I hear the sound of a woman's laughter. Rinoa, maybe? It sounds like her, but it's far away, so I can't be too sure. "Can anyone tell which way that came from?" I ask. 

"Where what came from?" Rowan asks. . 

"That laughter." 

"I didn't hear anything," Jilly says. 

"Iris?" I ask, hoping that she at least heard it, and that it wasn't wishful thinking on my part. 

Before she can answer, I hear it again, longer and and clearer this time. "I know you heard that." I say. "Somebody tell me they heard that!" 

Iris nods. "I heard it the first time." 

"Where's it coming from?" I demand, though I know they are as clueless as I. It sounded like it was all around us, not coming from any particular direction. 

"This way," Jilly says and I follow, glad that she knows where we're going. 

_"No, no, no, no, you can't be my mother!"_

This time the voice is very clear, and I'm positive that it's Selphie speaking. There's something about the shrillness of the voice that no one I know, other than Selphie, possesses. Though what's she's talking about is beyond me. Her mother? Maybe I didn't hear that right. Encouraged, I break into a sprint, and my team follows me. 

Yeah, baby! This is it. They're still alive. _ Thank you Hyne! If I ever meet you, I'm going to kiss your feet. Oh, and that hotdog thing....I was just kidding. If you're as powerful and all knowing as they say, you know I'll never completely swear off hot dogs. But all the rest of it, I meant it, ok?_

Up ahead, the path curves, and I'm anxious to see what state my friends are in beyond this final corridor. 

"What _is_ that noise?" Iris asks as she stops in her tracks. She looks up, trying to locate the sound. 

I hear it too. A weird noise. Like laundry flapping in the wind. Lots of it. 

"Birds?" Jilly asks as he turns slowly around, also searching. Her eyes travel slowly along the ceiling and then along the walls. 

"Yeah, that's it. Birds." Iris nods, and her eyes are wide and frightened. "I'm . . . I don't really like . . . birds." 

"Oh, great Hyne!" I cry. "Who cares? Let's just go get my friends and get the hell out of here!" 

"Zell," Rowan says, "Look." 

I follow his gaze to the path behind us. A single crow stood motionless, peering at us with his wings outstretched. "Caaaw!" It cries and begins to flap it's wings frantically, but can't seem to gain flight. 

Iris screeches in terror. "Zell . . . it's looking . . . at me." She shudders and takes a step back as if it might attack us. 

Great. This is just what I need.. "Just ignore it, Iris. It's one little bird. It's not going to hurt you, ok?" 

"If it does, I'll cast Aero on it, and it'll be gone," Rowan says. 

"Um, ok," Iris says, still staring at the bird as it continues to flap it's wings at us. 

Iris has a point. That thing is damn creepy. This whole place is. The noise, the lights, all of it. I won't admit it to my team, but it's really starting to get me. I don't like this at all, and I want to get out. I feel claustrophobic all of a sudden, in my own skin. I don't like my skin! It's . . . moving or something. Is the noise getting louder? Hyne, make it stop. I just want to save my friends, ok? That's all I want. 

"Zell, are you ok?" Jilly asks. Her voice is distant, and her face is fuzzy. 

It is then that the blackness hits me.   
  


  
  
  
_Seifer.___

Rinoa's voice comes to me like a whisper in the middle of the night. I stand ready to attack the SeeDs the second the order is given, though it doesn't look as if I'll be doing that for a while yet. Adel is too busy cooing over the cheerleader.__

_Don't believe anything she says. She'll betray you in a second. Once this is all over, she means to kill me, and then you.___

Why should I believe you? 

_Because I know things about her that you don't. She thinks I can't see or hear her but I can. Don't trust her._   
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I can't believe what I've done. 

I sit here in Squall's office, anxiously awaiting news about the situation in Esthar. Cid sits across from me in silence, waiting for the same thing. He sits in silent contemplation of my actions, and the longer he goes without saying anything, the more worried I become about my future at Garden. 

Earlier today, I made some executive decisions based on the situation there, and the decisions I made were based mostly on jealousy. I realized that there was no way I'd ever become commander unless something happened to Squall and Quistis and I saw a way to make it happen and a way to eliminate both Sorceresses at the same time. I thought in the long run, I was doing a good thing. I thought by sacrificing our team for the sake of the world, not only would I be proving my abilities as leader, but also exhaulting our elite to the status of legend. Cid had advised against a direct strike when the Air Force General of Esthar contacted us but I went behind his back and accepted the contract. 

When Cid had found out what I'd done . . . well, it wasn't pretty. 

I didn't expect to feel as guilty as I do now, waiting for word about the teams. I've done a terrible thing . . . . 

"Xu," Cid finally begins, his face pale, his eyes full of grave disappointment that causes my heart to pound with regret, "I can't think of anything to say to you. You'd better pray that they are all right, because if they're not, so help me, you will never see the light of day again." 

"I'm sorry sir," I whisper and cast my eyes downward. 

"Sorry?!" he cries, displaying an emotion I've never seen on him before: anger. It isn't an emotion that suits his cheerful face. "Do you realize that I think of them as my own children?"__

"I realize that and I'm sorry." 

Cid takes a deep breath and then exhales. After a long, uncomfortable moment, he speaks. 

"Xu, I have no choice but to put you in the brig. You'd better hope that they live, for if not, that is where you will spend the rest of your days."   
  
  
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_Zell?_

Elle? Is that you? 

_Yeah. Listen, there's something I must tell you._

Uh, Elle, this is a really bad time. I have to find Squall and the others. 

I_ know. But there's something you have to know before you do. Rinoa's not herself._

I know that Elle. Something about her being a crazy Sorceress or something. Got it. 

_You don't understand._

Tell me, then. I've got to go. 

_Adel possesses Rinoa. But she is also still Adel. Gentler, but still Adel. Adel controls both bodies. Do you understand?_

Not really. How can Adel posses both of them? I thought when a possession took place, the one who's doing the possessing, their spirit leaves their body temporarily. 

_That's the way it's supposed to be. I don't know why it's possible here. But I've been in touch with Rinoa frequently, and she helped me understand some of it._

This is crazy. Stupid sorceresses. 

_Zell, you're missing the point._

Sorry. 

_Laguna said that they switched places. This is what he told Squall. Unfortunately, that's not accurate. They didn't switch, they both exist in both bodies, so if the wrong one is killed, we will never get Rinoa back._

What?! So which one do we kill? 

_They decided to go for Adel and hope that once she dies, she will release her hold on Rinoa. Trouble is, there is more of Rinoa in Adel's body than there is in her own. Adel is trying to take over Rinoa permanently. She wants you to kill her old body so that she can take over Rinoa for good. Rinoa dies if you kill Adel. And Adel takes her power._

So you're saying that we have to kill Rinoa? No way! I'm not doing that. Besides, how is that even possible? 

_It shouldn't be possible at all, Zell, but it is. The Lunatic Pandora makes the impossible possible. Things can easily become confused there . . . direction, personalities, souls. Dr. Odine told me once that inside the Pandora, water can flow uphill, and in certain places, you're able to walk horizontally._

This is totally nuts. What am I supposed to do then, kill them both? 

_Well, I spoke with Rinoa just a few minutes ago. She seems to think there may be a chance that if you weaken her, then Adel might release her hold on her mind and retreat into her own body. Once that happens, you must hit Adel hard, before she has a chance to recapture her._

Why can't we just attack Adel? Wouldn't it work the same way? 

N_o, it wouldn't. It is Adel that has taken over Rinoa. Rinoa can not retreat back into her own body, at least not without a fight. She hasn't the will or the strength yet, but I'm working on that. She's afraid to do anything that might get all of you killed_. 

This is worse than I thought. How am I supposed to tell Squall this? He won't attack Rinoa, no matter what. 

_I tried to get through to him earlier, but I couldn't. You'll have to think of something._

Hyne almighty. 

...................disconnect   
  
  
  
  


I wish there was a way out of this. Try as I might, she's too strong for me to fight. I can see and hear everything that's going on around me, and I'm powerless to do anything about it. I wish I could tell them I love them all, and to kill me if they have to. Death would be better than becoming a tyrant, a murderer. I don't want to be called evil. No one in the world would understand that it's not me doing this because it's my body that will commit the atrocities to come. My face. My name. But I don't want to die. I now have something very important to live for. 

And what about the child I carry? What about him? I've only known of his existence for a short time, but I already love him. I've named him already. Arden. My father's middle name. Hyne, I regret so many things. My father is dead because of me. Because of Her. I won't lose my child because of her too. 

The problem is, who's child is he? It doesn't really matter. Not much. I'd love him just as much if he was Seifer's child and not Squall's. It is because of Arden that I haven't given up yet. I don't know what to do. She won't release her hold on me. 

This is what hell must be like. 

"Adel, stop simpering over that girl so that we may finish this," my voice says. The echo in here is funny. It makes it sound as if I've spoken from the very walls that surround us. 

"Don't be such a bitch, Rinoa. It's been nineteen years since I've seen my daughter, so have a little sympathy," Adel snaps. 

Adel has Selphie wrapped in her arms and smothers her face in kisses. Poor Selphie is horrified. I don't blame her. Adel is a hideous woman, and I can feel that her grip on Selphie isn't exactly gentle. 

It's weird being in two bodies at once. Not only can I feel what Adel is making me do, but I can feel what she's doing too. 

Last night, when I transformed, I thought I was gone. But at some point, I was able to separate myself from her, not much, but enough to know that I am still myself. I may be hidden away somewhere inside, but I'm still here. Adel knows it, and she's afraid. She hadn't expected me to hang on to my former self so tightly. Because it means that she couldn't completely conquer me. 

I'm stronger than she thought. I may not be able to fight her, but I have been able to construct a barrier against her in my mind. Just a few moments ago, I was able to get a message to Seifer and he heard it. Adel did not. 

Elle seems to think that if I can detach myself from her grip even just a little, then I might be able to regain control of myself. I wish that were true. I've been trying since Elle told me about Arden, and I'm growing tired. I will sleep soon. 

But if I do, there's no hope for any of us. Elle made that perfectly clear. 

"Stop right there!" a familiar voice calls out. My head turns to see Zell, Jilly and a pair of younger SeeD's at the entrance to the corridor. Each casts dispel on a member of the team, and one by one, they shake off the stop spell that had held them frozen. The moment of truth is upon me. 

"Seifer, take care of the SeeDs," Adel makes me say.__

_No, Seifer. Help them. Don't listen to my voice. That's Adel controlling my body. Listen to me. Help them defeat Adel. Please._

"With pleasure, my lady." He looks at me, his face a picture of confusion. He's unsure of what to do, and I am unsure of who he is addressing, me or Adel. 

"Zell, good to see you man," Irvine says as he shakes off the paralysis. He aims the shotgun at Adel, ready to fire upon her. 

"You don't know how good it is to see you, buddy," Zell replies. "I thought you were all dead." 

"Let's do this," Squall says in a quiet voice. I feel so badly for him. He looks exhausted, and I know it's because of me. 

"Seifer, take care of the SeeDs," Adel orders as she sits down and begins to rock the trembling Selphie in her arms as if she were an infant. 

Selphie. Not only do I have to survive this for my child, but for my sister too. She's the only blood I have left. The funny thing is, because of Adel, I now feel motherly towards Selphie, as if she were my child too. 

Adel makes my hand pattern the air in front of me and my friends are all hit with a powerful ultima spell. Helplessly, I watch them all rock back in pain from the blow. 

_Let go of me, Adel!! I will not let you kill my friends._

Adel looks at me and laughs. "They're going to kill you, my dear. They know about the switch." 

_No. No. No. No! Seifer, if you can hear me, help me. Help them, Hyne almighty, help yourself!_

"Squall, we attack Rinoa first," Zell cries. Oh, thank Hyne! Elle got through to him. 

"No!" Squall yells back. "Don't touch her." 

"Squall, trust me on this ok? If you never trust me again, please, just trust me now!" Zell runs forward and strikes at me, catching me in the gut. Searing pain spreads across my abdomen. 

The baby. I don't want to lose him. Not now. 

Why did Elle have to tell me about him? Why? If I live and he dies, I don't know if I can live with that. But this must be done. It's the only way to stop Adel. 

Squall's face crumples and I can see how uncertain he is. "Zell, if you're wrong, I will kill you. I swear to Hyne I will tear you limb from limb." 

"If I'm wrong, then we're all dead anyway," Zell says. 

I am in a silent battle of wits with Adel, using every ounce of strength I have in me. If I can help it, I won't attack my friends again. Adel is preoccupied with Selphie, and it's easier to fight her off than I thought A powerful bolt of lightning strikes me, and my body shakes violently as the currents of electricity course through my body. Beside me Adel shudders and lets out a shriek, as if she were the one who'd been attacked. 

_Seifer, please help them.___

He looks at me, hesitant. I know that he's unsure of what to do. He doesn't know if he should believe me or not, and I don't really blame him. Adel has promised him me as a reward when all this is finished and that's what he wants more than anything else in this world. 

Quistis is next. Her whip strikes me square in the chest, and there are tears in her eyes as she backs away from me. "Forgive me Rinoa," she says in a trembling voice. "If you can hear me, forgive me." 

I_ do forgive you Quisty. As Squall might say, it's nothing personal._

Adel cackles at this and casts cure on me. 

She makes me cast meteor and I am forced to watch as flaming stones pummel them, striking them about the head and shoulders. Jilly collapses into a heap on the ground, her dark hair spilling across her face. 

"Iris," Zell calls out, "Bring her back." 

Iris casts a life spell, but Jilly does not get up. 

"Zell . . ." Iris says timidly and she shakes her head. 

Zell lets out a cry of pure agony. "Damn you Adel!" He becomes enraged and begins to unleash every limit break he has upon me, one after the other, weakening my body considerably lowering my health level to my own limit break. 

It is then I become the crows. I become thousands of them, I see out of their eyes and cry their cries. They stand atop one another, creating my outline. I am no longer a woman but a thousand blood thirsty crows standing together to create the illusion of a woman. With all my strength, I try to reform myself, back into a body, but it's already too late. As one, they all raise their wings and gain flight. They cry as one and begin to circle the air above my friends. Their wings pulse with electricity and that strange opaque light, like the walls around us. 

Irvine's eyes follow them above, and he attempts to take aim upon them. However, they begin to spiral, spinning so fast that they become a great tornado of electrically and feathers. "Holy mother of Hyne," he utters. "That's one hell of a party trick, Rinoa." 

Every one of them, including Seifer, is swept up inside the cyclone and I hear their moans of agony as each one is zapped by a bolt of lightning so powerful, their HP levels are lowered to one. 

The flock dissipates and every one of the crows return to where I stood previously and reform my body, piling themselves upon one another until I am whole again. 

An exhausted Squall hands out x-potions then takes one for himself. 

"If you can't attack her, at least take care of Seifer, Squall," Quistis says. 

"Wait," Seifer says, looking defeated. "I'll help you." 

_Thank you, Seifer. Thank you, thank you!_

He nods and summons Diablos as the little boy, Rowan, attacks me with a stunning flurry of his blade. I shudder and contemplate letting them go ahead and kill me. I know they're all doing this to save me, but I'm tired. I hear the baby crying inside me. They've injured him too, maybe fatally. If he dies, I will want to die too. 

Squall has yet to strike me. I don't think he can't bring himself to do it. What a fool I was to think that he didn't care. Silently, I begin to cry.   
  
  


=====   
Notes   
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Hmmm....so much is new here, including Seifer's surrender. I also added a short Xu passage, an even shorter Seifer passage, and that short Elle/Rinoa narrative at the beginning. This chapter was so weak it wasn't even funny. 

  



	14. If One Should Fall

**BROKEN WINGS**

**_A FFVIII Fan Fiction_**

**Chapter 14**

_If One Should Fall_

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Do you have any idea what it's like to suddenly reach a moment of absolute clarity? A moment when you know that everything you've done and everything you will do is all tied up in one particular instant and one particular choice? You can see the fork in the road ahead of you, and you can see the places that each path will lead you to. All my life, I've walked the roads that others were afraid to walk, made choices that I regretted later, and now as I stand facing yet another choice that will change the rest of my life, regardless of which path I take, I know with absolute certainty that I'm finally doing the right thing. For once, I've listened not to the call of glory but to the call of my conscience. 

That's not to say that I don't have selfish reasons for helping the SeeDs. I've never admitted this to anyone before, but Rinoa's the one I never quite got over. There have been many women in my life, so many that I don't remember all of their names, but Rinoa's the one that left me with the feeling that I'd left something important behind when she was gone. All those unanswered what if's in the middle of the night. I thought it didn't matter, I thought life would move on and I'd leave her in my past but I never could. 

So imagine what it was like to hear her plead with me to help. She is what I came here for. Not the promises of immortality, fame and fortune Adel made to me. Adel used Rinoa to manipulate me. Like a fool, I believed every word of it, never truly realizing that Rinoa's wishes were wholly different than Adel's. Hearing Rinoa's voice inside my head saved me from making yet another foolish mistake. 

At my side, Zell says, "Why you helpin' us, lap dog?" 

As much as I'd love to call him by my favorite pet name for him, I hold my tongue. "Because she _asked_ me to. Got a problem with that?" 

"Nope, as long as you don't get anyone killed."  
  
  
Rinoa seems to be weakening, but Adel is far from finished with her. She casts a curaga and Rinoa's posture straightens a bit. Her hand raises in the air, patterns a spell I've never seen before and she screams, "Draw Apocalypse!" 

"Gotta wear her down before she can complete the spell," Zell calls. "Squall, Iris, stand ready to cast cure. Everyone else, ready for attack!" 

I cross myself in the name of Hyne, something I haven't done since Matron made us go to temple as kids, and I raise my blade. "Forgive me, Rinoa . . ." I whisper as I lunge forward and let my blade fly in an upward arch, putting every ounce of strength I have into it. I close my eyes as the tip catches. For the first time, I don't want to take credit for the damage done. 

Irvine follows up, firing a few rounds of pulse ammo into the Sorceress. She rocks back and clutches at her wounds with trembling hands. 

Quistis has reached her limit break and unleashes a Shockwave Pulsar upon Rinoa. The light from the spell is so intense, I'm forced to shut my eyes against it. Not that I want to see the results anyway. Shockwave Pulsar is no joke. Quistis hit me with it during my reign of terror two years ago and it took me weeks to recover from it. 

"That did it," Zell says as the energy Rinoa was attempting to draw begins to dissipate. "All right, let's finish this and go home."   
  
  
  


I hate this. I hate myself for having to do this. This is the first time I've been given a leadership role that I didn't want. I hope Elle was right about what we have to do because if not, I'll forever have Rinoa's death on my conscience too. It's bad enough that my heart is weighed down by guilt because of what happened at Shumi Village, and it's looking worse by the minute. Squall's trying with all his might to revive Jilly, but I don't think there's any hope that she'll come back. 

Damn it all to hell. 

Iris casts triple, then casts Aura on Seifer, Irvine and I, allowing us to reach our limit breaks without losing strength. Seifer goes first, unleashing his fire cross upon Rinoa. She screeches and retaliates by casting pain upon Seifer, who is apparently junctioned against it, since the spell seems to have no effect on him. 

Irvine begins to fire repeatedly at Rinoa, and he mutters swear words with each shot. He hates this as much as I do, but like me, he's resigned to the fact that it must be done. It must be done, whether we like it or not. 

Adel has healed Rinoa again with a curaga, but it isn't enough to keep her from trembling, and it isn't enough to return the color to her cheeks. Slowly but surely, we are wearing her down. I wonder how close to death we have to take her before Adel is forced to release her hold. 

Beneath my feet, I feel the Lunatic Pandora shudder to a halt. We've stopped moving. Are we at Tears Point? Hyne I hope not. We cleaned up after the last one and it wasn't much fun. Days and days of nothing but fighting monsters, setting traps and dropping buoys to attract them. 

It's Rowan's turn to attack. I have to admit, the kid is pretty good. He may be something of a chunk, but he probably won't be for long. Training and the onset of puberty will take care of the baby fat in no time. He strikes Rinoa with a downward slash then brings the blade up in a crosswise manner, his signature move, borrowed from Squall. Hyne's Cross. 

The screech that comes from Rinoa's throat tears at my heart. I can't keep this up much longer.   
  


Rinoa's getting weak. I can see it in her posture. Her hands tremble against her belly and if I'm not mistaken, she's crying. Her face has drained of all color and she looks about ready to collapse. I look to Zell for direction and he seems to be contemplating something. Of all people to be giving the orders. I sure hope he knows what he's doing because Squall will kill him if Rinoa dies. Hell, Squall will probably kill all of us if she dies. 

When Seifer said, "I'll help you," I was astounded. I don't understand what made him change his mind, but he seems committed to giving us a hand. In his eyes is an uncharacteristic humility. Not cock-sure, not proud, but humble. It seems to be tearing him apart inside to attack Rinoa, but he's committed himself and he's not backing down. 

Seifer has a conscience after all. Imagine that . . . . 

Meanwhile, my Selphie is being manhandled by that insane bitch, Adel. Enough of this, I'm going to get her. There are five willing to attack and one acting as medic. Those are pretty good odds, even when up against a sorceress. I'm not about to let anything happen to Selphie. I don't know what Adel's plans for her are and I'd rather die than let Adel hurt her. 

Adel does not see me approach nor does she realize I've placed the shotgun against the back of her head because she's too preoccupied with Selphie. "Let go of her or I'll put a bullet into your brain," This is no threat. This is a guarantee. "Do you know what a shell to the head at this range would do to you? Sorceress or not, there won't be anything left above your neck." 

Fear! I see fear in her eyes. Screw it. I'll pull the trigger and save us the trouble later. I cock the gun and rest my finger on the trigger. I squeeze . . . . 

Before I can get a shot off, Zell screams, "Damn it Irvine, not yet!" 

I'd momentarily forgotten that we had to take care of Rinoa first. My concern for Selphie had taken over and gripped me like a vise, compelled me to attack Adel before it was time. 

"Adel, you move you die. You cast a spell on me, you die. You hurt Selphie, _you die_. Understand?" 

All she can do is glare at me. She knows I've got her. Hyne, why didn't we try this before? All that work to kill her before, it could have been so easily taken care of and none of this would have happened. 

While the others attack Rinoa and I guard Adel, Squall is busy trying without success to revive Jilly. Seifer casts aura on everyone again and readies himself to attack. He has surprised me in many ways today, this being just the next in a series of un-Seifer-like behavior. As much as I hate to say it, I think he really does love Rinoa in his own way. Why else would he suddenly switch sides? 

And I think poor Jilly is a lost cause. Squall should probably give up on her and concentrate on healing our party, but I think he's doing it for Zell, who between attacks, glances at Jilly's crumpled body with such a heart breaking longing and despair in his eyes, I know he's going to lose it once this is over. 

Rinoa is crying harder now, and she's not fighting back as much as she was before, and not with the intensity she had at the beginning. She lifts her hand and casts a weak Thunder spell on Seifer, then drops her hand as if the weight of it is too much to hold aloft for long. 

I dare a closer look, not wanting to be distracted but for a second, and what I see in Rinoa's face is surprising. Some of the softness is back, and her eyes look more like the Rinoa I remember. But she's deathly pale now and the tears make shiny rivers down her cheeks. Her lips are moving, but I can't hear what she's trying to say. Worse than before, her hands tremble and she is almost doubled over, clutching her belly. With much effort, she patterns her hand in the air and casts cure not on herself, but on her stomach. 

Oh great _Hyne_. If that means what I think it means . . . 

"Don't attack her anymore," I scream at them, and my eyes fill with tears for my friend. "You'll kill her if you do anymore!" 

"We have to, Irvine," Zell says in a voice choked with emotion. There are tears in his eyes too. He must have seen, so how can he keep attacking? 

What about Squall? Did he see it too, or was he still attempting to bring Jilly back to life? Did Seifer or Quistis see? I glance at them, and they don't seem to have noticed this odd bit of behavior, an action which can only mean one thing. Rinoa's pregnant. If Squall knew, he didn't tell me, but then, he probably wouldn't. 

This must be the worst thing we've ever had to do. Rinoa is our friend, and we're killing her, and her child. I have to do something to stop them because I can't watch any more of this. I can't go to my grave with this on my conscience. 

"Zell, look at her!" I demand. "You have to stop." 

Rinoa is now more pale than a ghost, and her lips continue to form soundless words. Without warning, she convulses violently and drops to the ground, and a long keening cry comes from her throat. It's eerie, like the sound of a wounded animal with it's leg in a trap, an animal that is certain of it's own death and uses the last of it's energy to announce it's passing. 

_Please don't let her be dead._

I let the others go to her. I have to finish this. 

"Let Selphie go Adel." 

"If I do, you'll kill me." 

"I'll kill you anyway, so you might as well make this fast." 

She's not going to give my Selphie up. She may be afraid, but she's not stupid. 

Suddenly, Selphie, no longer despondent, leans her head into Adel's shoulder as if being affectionate. It seems strange to me that she'd want to cuddle with this horrible beast of a woman and I'm taken aback by her behavior. "Selph . . ." I manage, uncertain about what to do now. 

Then Selphie does something even more surprising. She clamps down on Adel's shoulder with her teeth and bites. Adel screeches and gives Selphie a rough shove, sending my girl away from her. "You ungrateful little brat!" she cries, then realizes what she's done. A fatal mistake. 

"Get down Selph," I say. Selphie's already scrambling away, her ears covered and her eyes closed tight against what she knows is about to happen. 

I squeeze the trigger. 

The blast is deafening. 

Just to be safe, I reload and fire again, though there's not much to fire at anymore. Adel's head is no longer recognizable as a human body part, but I don't want to take any chances this time around. 

I turn away from the bloody, mutilated corpse after a moment of contemplation. I half expect Adel to get up and give us one last scare just like in the horror movies, but she remains slumped over on the floor, twitching occasionally as her body slowly realizes that it's dying. 

I go to my Selphie, who's now laying on her side with her eyes shut. She's fainted. 

Gingerly, I pick her up and kiss her forehead, her cheeks, her nose, glad to have her close to me again. "You're safe now, baby. You're safe." 

Hyne, I love her so much. 

Tomorrow, I'm going to quit SeeD.   
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


=====   
Notes   
===== 

Some of you commented that I shouldn't think of the last chapter as weak....I think I worded something incorrectly in my notes. I meant that it WAS weak before I added the little bonus bits and pieces. What I'd meant to say was that the original chapter was terrible, but I'm kind of proud of how it turned out after I tweaked it here and there. 

This is another chapter that was very poorly written the first time around.....it was kind of an anti-climax, or even a cop-out because I was too lazy at the time to put the effort into writing a good action sequence. I've added several new POV's and tried my best to make it interesting. I'm still not happy with it, but first person-present is a difficult perspective to write. The entire first half of this chapter is new content. 

Also, please note that this is not the last chapter. There's at least two more and an epilogue to come. All those loose ends must be tied up, of course, leading us into the Sequel..... 


	15. Beginnings and Ends

**Broken Wings**

_A FFVIII Fan Fiction_

****

**Chapter 15**

_Beginnings and Ends_

  


I see Rinoa fall in slow motion. All I can think is that they've killed her. I won't forgive them if they have. When I told her that I couldn't live with out her, I meant it. Whether she knows it or not, I do love her. I don't know if there's any future for us anymore, but if she's alive, that might be enough for me. If she's dead, I don't know what I'll do with myself. 

All I have left is hope. That's something I never trusted before, but now there's nothing left for me without it. I hope that she's alive, and I dearly hope that if she is, the girl I used to know is still in there somewhere and that maybe that she still loves me. Maybe, we can put all this behind us and begin again, once all this is over. 

I am on my feet and by her side in an instant. Everyone crowds around, but I shove them back each time they get too close. I don't want them to hurt her anymore. Before me, she lays curled into a ball and she clutches her midsection, whimpering softly with her eyes shut tight. The wings are gone from her back, and the lines that mark her powers have all but vanished from the sides of her face. 

Adel has left her. 

The shotgun blast distracts me for a moment, and I glance at Irvine. He stands over the body of Adel, staring coldly at her headless corpse, his coat and face spattered with Adel's blood. He hesitates for a second, then reloads and fires again. 

If Adel is still alive, then she's invincible. 

I notice that the Pandora has stopped moving. "Quistis, can you go find Odine? Find out where we are." 

"Sure thing, Squall," she says and gives Rinoa a motherly, concerned look before turning away. 

Rinoa's awake, but her eyes are glassy, and tears spill freely from them. Her lips move soundlessly, her lips form a single word over and over, but I can't make out what that word might be. I caress her cheek and sweep back the hair that clings to her cold skin. "Rinoa?" I say, "Can you hear me?" 

"Squall?" comes her dry whisper. Her eyes roll toward me, and she shudders slightly and takes a breath. It's as if the effort of speaking a single syllable has taken all the air from her lungs. 

"Oh, thank Hyne!" I exclaim. I give her a few potions and take her hand in mine. "I missed you." 

"I'm tired, Squall," she whispers and I realize that I've been holding my breath in anticipation. 

It's finally over. I can breathe now. I make a silent promise that I'll never ignore her again, if only we can work it out. But that's something we'll have to discuss later. Now isn't the time. She needs her rest. We all could use a good, long sleep. But we have to get out of here first. 

"Where is Selphie?" Rinoa asks as I lift her from the ground, cautious not to injure her further. 

I glance around in search of Selphie. Irvine holds her in his arms. Her body's limp as if she's dead and Irvine has his face buried into her shoulder. He rocks her back and forth and his body shakes as if he's sobbing. She's not dead is she? Irvine would be crushed. Despite his reputation as a ladies man, I know that he is only devoted to one, and that one is Selphie. There is no other true love for him. Only Selphie. For a moment, I hold my breath and wait . . . 

Then, Selphie's arms slip around his neck and I'm filled with a deep sense of relief. I let out a long sigh and feel a weight lifted off my shoulders. "She's fine. She's with Irvine." I tell Rinoa and kiss her on the forehead. 

"Take me to her." 

Gingerly, I carry Rinoa to the pair and sit so that she can rest her back against my chest. She takes Selphie's hand, though I can tell there's no strength in her grip. "My sister," she whispers so softly I can barely hear her. 

Selphie sniffles and wipes her eyes like a child. "Am I . . . am I?" she stutters. 

"Yeah," Rinoa whispers back. "You're a sorceress now." 

This is news to me. I had just assumed that Rinoa would inherit those powers after Adel died. Apparently, it is news to Irvine, too. Our eyes meet and he tips his hat back, an expression of surprise knitting his brow. 

Selphie, a Sorceress? 

"But I don't wanna be a sorceress!" she cries out, on the verge of hysteria. I can feel everyone's eyes turn towards us, even Zell's, who sits beside Jilly's body, weeping silently. They're all looking at us now, each face registering shock at the news. 

"It's ok, Selphie." Rinoa assures her. 

"But . . . but . . " she sobs, eyeing Adel's headless corpse. 

"No. It won't happen again. She's dead. You got a little . . . piece of me instead. And I got a little bit of you." She squeezes Selphie's hand to reassure her and then lets go. 

She's so weak. So pale. We have to get her home, and fast. 

"Hey," Irvine says as he looks around. "Those weird lights are gone." 

I hadn't noticed, but he was right. That odd buzzing sound was gone too. I can only assume that it was Adel making them do that. A distraction maybe, some weird Pandora thing that not even Odine is able to explain. 

Whatever. 

"Zell," I call. "How did you guys get here?" 

"_The Edea_," he says and brushes away a few tears. "I don't know if it'll still fly, though. We had to crash it to get inside." 

"We won't know until we try, right?" Quistis says as she returns to the group. "Zell, you know the way?" 

"Not really, but we'll find it." He picks Jilly up and carries her towards a corridor on the left. Her body is limp in his arms. "It's this way." 

"Quistis, did you find out where we are?" 

"Hovering over the ocean off the coast of Esthar." 

"Good, no monster invasion to take care of." 

"What about Seifer?" Quistis asks and jerks her head in his direction. He's standing alone, staring down at the body of Adel with a quiet loathing in his eyes. "We can't just leave him here." 

"We'll take him with us," I shrug. "He helped us out." 

"Squall, are you trying to be funny?" Quistis asks. 

"Whatever," I reply and look towards the exit. "Lead the way, Zell." 

As we follow Zell through the corridor, the buzzing begins again, and the lights begin to pulse again within the walls, brighter and more intense than they were before. Alarmed, I spin around to survey the path behind us. I could almost believe that the headless Adel were following us, ready to seek her final revenge. Above the hum, a single crow calls out. 

But there's no one behind us except for Seifer, who appears as alarmed as we are. He has drawn his blade, standing ready to attack if necessary. As quickly as the lightshow began, it dies down, along with the mind numbing sound that I never could put my finger on. 

Rinoa, despite her injuries, laughs out loud. "Arden, now isn't the time for jokes at Squall's expense." 

"Who are you talking to?" I ask, perplexed. Arden? Who's Arden? 

"My guardian angel," she replies, and then, she falls asleep in my arms exhausted from her long, hard battle.   


We're in luck. The_ Edea_ is still operable, though battered. Selphie climbs into the pilot seat and instructs us to belt ourselves in, all but Rinoa, who is resting on one of the bunks in the back. Within minutes, Selphie has us airborne and pilots the _Edea_ with expertise towards home. 

"Squall, we should contact Garden." Quistis says after we are in the air and flying level. She's tired and her eyes are rimmed with red from crying. 

I nod and take the co-pilot seat next to Selphie. At the press of a button, I'm in touch with Cid. "Sir, this is the _Edea_, do you copy?" 

"Thank Hyne! You're alive. It's good to hear your voice, Squall," he replies, and I know he's telling the truth. "Is everyone all right?" 

"All but Jilly Strife, sir." I say. "She . . . didn't make it." 

"Oh . . . . I'm sorry." Cid pauses. "What about Rinoa?' 

"She's alive, sir. Adel is dead." 

"Are you certain?" 

"Yes." 

"Excellent. I'll have to report back to Esthar with the news." 

"Yes sir." 

"We'll see you soon." 

As soon as Cid signs off I make my way back to where Zell sits and take the seat next to him. His eyes are red and he looks like hell "Hey," I mumble, for lack of anything better to say. I'm not good at giving comfort, even when I really want to. I know he cared a lot about Jilly Strife, and I know he's hurting because she's gone. The least I can do is_ try_ to make him feel better, though I know there's nothing I can really do to lift his spirits. 

"Hey." 

"I'm sorry about Jilly," I say. "I know she was your friend." 

He nods and stares out the window. He's hurting pretty bad, so I do something I never done before. I give him a tight buddy hug and pat him on the back. At first he resists, then finally hugs back. Then, he starts to laugh at me. "Who are you and what have you done with Squall?" 

Flustered, I slap him upside the head. I was only trying to comfort him . . . 

"Ouch!" he cries and rubs the back of his neck. 

I laugh and sat back in the seat. I should have been exhausted, but I have never felt more awake in my life. The prospect of going home has never seemed sweeter to me.   
  
  
  


I can't wait to get home. Now that this ordeal is over, I'm looking forward to some r&r in my room with my Selphie. 

She amazes me. There she is, piloting this overrated jet, chattering away to Quistis as if nothing has happened. It's as if becoming a Sorceress means little or nothing to her. Maybe it's just her adaptability. She accepts things the way they are and tries to make the best of them, no matter how bad they are. 

During Galbadia's invasion of Balamb Garden she'd said, "_Irvine, don't sweat the small stuff."___

_"But Selph," I'd said as I looked around, "you can hardly call this small. There's G-army everywhere"___

_And she'd looked at me with those innocent emerald eyes of hers and said, "All stuff is small stuff. If you think you can't handle it, you'll never succeed."_

That's her philosophy. _Don't sweat the small stuff, 'cause all stuff is small. _ Even events that seem insurmountable are small in Selphie's eyes. That's one of the many reasons I love her. She can make even the worst situation seem petty and trivial, and she has a way of making me feel like I can take over the whole world if I ever had the urge to. 

Squall's been making the rounds, checking up on all of us. When he takes a seat beside me, I know it's my turn. It's not like him to be so concerned, but then, he's changed a lot. "Hey," I greet him and give him a gruff pat on the shoulder. "How you holding up?" 

He nods and flashes a quick smile. "I've been worse," he says. "How about you?" 

"Glad we'll be home soon," I say. "Sooooo. Selphie's a sorceress." 

"It seems so." 

I'd been thinking about this since Rinoa confirmed it earlier. At first I thought it was really crazy. But then I realized something: Selphie is the kind of Sorceress the world needs. Someone who's goal in life is to make people happy. Someone who's personal joy came from pleasing others. I share these thoughts with Squall. 

"Yeah, I was kind of thinking the same thing," he says. "Can you see it? She'll make the Garden Festival a multinational pass time and decorate the world with flowers, butterflies, and unicorn stickers." 

I snicker at the thought. "And the term 'Booyaka' will make it into the next edition of the dictionary." 

"I'm still not sure what that means." 

"Who cares?" I say with a chuckle. "As long as she doesn't sprout wings and start firebombing, I'm cool with it." 

Squall nods. "You're going to have your hands full." 

"That's nothing new. My girl's a firecracker. Always has been, and I wouldn't have it any other way."   


  
  
  


It feels good to have helped my former comrades. I've done a lot of shitty things in my life, and now I can say that I've at least done one worthwhile thing with myself. I ended this not as a failed knight, but as a man who figured it all out. Well, maybe not all of it, but a lot. I ended it as a man who'd realized his mistakes and chose not to make a habit of repeating foolish behavior. My actions today haven't absolved me of my sins, and I know that. The truth is, I'll never be completely forgiven and I know that too. It's to be expected, I guess. I know that no matter what I do, I'll still be a murder in the eyes of most of the world. Even if they hear about the good things I've done, I'll never be completely washed clean. Some stains never go away. 

Truth be told, I had a little help in my actions today. If not for Rinoa's persistence, I might have fucked up royally this time. I'm a little surprised that the SeeDs have decided to take me along for the ride. They could have easily said thanks and then left me there to deal with things on my own. I'm kind of glad they didn't. Never cared for the Pandora and all it's creepy anomalies. 

The question is, what do I do with myself now? There's only one thing I really want. Don't know if I can have it though. Don't know if she'd have me, and I know she still loves Squall, though I don't know if it's in the same way she used to. The night we spent together, she told me everything about their relationship, and she had the feeling that Squall might never be able to give her the kind of love she needed. I think maybe I can, but I don't even entertain the thought that she'd actually chose me over him in any case. I may be delusional, but I'm not insane. 

Somehow, Squall has become the very thing that I spent my childhood dreaming of being. I'd always wanted to be the noble warrior, the one who basks in the glory of victory. The one who's name is synonymous with legend and bravery. He's the one who never strove to be much of anything. He was talented, yes, and he pushed me to my limits when we were both cadets, he made me work harder than I had to to stay on top because he was always there, right behind me in skill. I never thought he had the potential to become what he is now because he lacked the passion and motivation to be more. I see how very wrong I was in thinking that. Once he found a reason, he became a force and a presence that no one could stop. 

He has everything I want. He is everything I had hoped to become. I want to hate him for stealing my thunder but I can't. I read in a book once that those who are true heroes are the ones who don't want to be and those who go seeking heroics are fools at heart. I know this describes Squall perfectly. And it describes me too. I am a fool. Spent my life looking for glory and only found shame. 

How did I end up being what I am? 

All I know is, things have to change. I want something more than my childhood dreams come true. I'm not a child anymore, and it's about time I stopped trying to be something out of a fairy tale. I want to be a better man, not the joke that I am now. 

I'm sitting in the back, buckled in tight while the others make light conversation to ease the grim mood. I can't and won't join in. It's not my place and I don't really have anything to say. 

When Squall takes a seat beside me, I'm surprised. 

"Thanks for helping us out," he says. 

"You're welcome." 

He stares at me for a long time before speaking again. "Can I ask why you changed your mind?" 

I return his stare for a second and say, "Because I finally got it."   
  
  


Elle?  
  
  
_Yes?_

Thanks. For everything. 

_You don't have to thank me. Is everyone all right?_

Jilly died. Because of me. 

_Not because of you, you know that._

Why do I feel like I'm to blame?__

_It's not your fault but you feel responsible, right?_

Yeah_._

_I'd be worried about you if you didn't feel that way. Just remember, it wasn't your fault. You wouldn't have done it under normal circumstances._

Never. But I feel so bad, Elle. I think . . . I think Zell really loved her. What if he blames me? 

_He won't. He knows better than to blame you._

.................. 

_I'm glad everyone else is fine. Are you ok?_

I'm fine. The baby too. I've already named him. 

_He told me. Rinoa?_

What?__

_He's going to be a special boy. I want you to take good care of him and spoil him every chance you get, ok?_

What do you mean by special? 

_You will understand in time._

Elle? How can you connect with Arden? You haven't met him yet. 

_I can because he is a part of you. Take good care of him and come visit with me some time soon, all right?_

All right. Thanks again, Elle. 

_You're welcome._

Disconnect.   
  
  


  
  


"Buckle your seatbelts, guys," Selphie cries from the pilot's seat. "I'm gonna do a fly by." 

"A fly by?" I ask, not liking the sound of that. 

"Saw it in a movie once. That's when you fly like, reaaaallly close to a building or something. I've always wanted to do that." 

"Selphie, no," Quistis chides, but we've already begun to accelerate. Suddenly, the _Edea_ tips to the side and my stomach does a little flip flop. I am given a sideways view of Balamb Garden as Selphie banks all the way around the structure. Though it's still docked at FH, it's the most beautiful thing I've seen in a long time. The water shimmers in the sunlight, and the disk in the background is almost blinding. 

We're home. 

Selphie cries, "Woohooo! That was kick ass!" 

I've got to admit, it was pretty cool. 

Minutes later, Selphie expertly sets the craft down in what used to be the SeeD ballroom. "Ladies and Gentlemen," Selphie begins. "Please extinguish all cigarettes and place seats in their upright positions. We have arrived at our destination, and I hope you enjoyed flying with Selphie Kinneas Airlines." 

Despite myself, I laugh and unbuckle my seatbelt. Beside me, Irvine does the same. "Selphie Kinneas Airlines?" I ask. "Irvine, did you forget to mention something?" 

"I'll tell you all about it later," he says with a raised eyebrow. "Not public knowledge yet." 

The com unit makes a beeping noise and I push the receive button. "Edea, this is Esthar Airstation, do you read?" 

"Yeah," I reply. "Loud and clear, Esthar." 

"There's someone here who wants to speak with you." 

"Go ahead." 

"Squall, this is Laguna." 

" . . . ." 

"I just wanted to say you guys did a great job," Laguna said. "I know it wasn't easy." 

" . . . Thanks." 

"For a while there, we thought you were all dirt." 

"Dust." We should publish a book of Lagunisms. We'd probably make a fortune. 

"Right." 

"I was wondering, eh, if you'd . . . .oww! Leg cramp!" He must be nervous about something. 

"Just spit it out, Laguna." 

"I was wondering if you'd come visit me some time." 

I don't know what to say to him. He's my father and all, but . . . hell, I don't have time to waste on a grudge. It's about time I got to know him. "I'd like that." 

"Great! We'll talk," he says, and I can tell he expected me to say no. "Send everyone my best." 

"Will do," I reply. I push the end button and stand, stretching my limbs a little. I'm happy to be home. Maybe now things will finally back to normal. There are some personal changes I plan to make, and I hope that our lives will be simpler from this day forward. I've already decided to relinquish my command to Quistis, no matter what Cid says. She's better suited to the job than I am, we all know that. I'd rather be a regular SeeD, participate in missions and live my life like everyone else. 

We disembark from the Edea and I take a good look around the ball room. I never realized it before, but I've come to think of this place as my home. Not just the place I live, but the place I call home. It's all I've known for most of my life, and I know that no matter where I live in the future, Balamb Garden will _always_ be the place I think of as home.   
  
  
  
  


=====   
Notes   
===== 

Don't you just love plot twists? If you think things are finished, you're so very wrong...... 

Much is new in this chapter. I won't bother to give you a run down because I'm tired. 

One more chappy and one epilogue, coming up, then the Sequel. 

Shameless plug: If you haven't read it yet, go and give **Sincerity Cowboy **by **Seventh** a read and then go and read it's companion, **Shine Like Gold.** It's a must read..... 

If you review, I'll love you forever.   



	16. Secrets, Lies and Wedding Vows

**Broken Wings**

_A FFVIII Fan Fiction_

**Chapter 16**

_Secrets, Lies and Wedding Vows_

I lied to Selphie when I told her that it wouldn't happen again. I don't really know that to be true. Some day in the future, it might. But she was upset, and I didn't want to scare her any more than she already was. I wanted to ease her mind. And it might _not _happen again anyhow, unless someone from the future finds a way to do it all over again. There's no telling how many attempts Ultimecia made to achieve her time compression, or how she got the information to do so, considering Laguna destroyed Odine's Junction Machine Ellone shortly after the war was over. Unless of course, Odine builds a new one. I wouldn't put it past him to do something like that. 

What worries me most is that when Adel died, she left a piece of herself with me. She also left her memories behind, and now they are mine too. It's terrifying to know that she was once an idealistic, impulsive girl of nineteen, that she'd loved and cared about people. She wasn't a bad person, really, not in the beginning. I don't know if it was her circumstances that changed her or if her powers caused her to change. I hope it was her circumstances and not her power. I don't want to think that some day in the future, I might be forever changed by the power inside of me. I don't want to envision spunky little Selphie changing into something unrecognizable and ugly like Adel. 

I do owe Adel something, even after all the terrible things she made me do. I owe her my sister. Had this not happened, I would never have known that Selphie and I shared the same father. I think it upsets Selphie a little to know that Adel was her mother, but I know that she's glad that I'm her sister. We have each other to lean on now, and that's a good thing. A sibling is something I never had, something Selphie has never had before, and it's nice to know that someone like Selphie is around to depend on when I need her. 

Presently, I'm sitting in my office going over proposals from Dollet regarding their lands. It's been two weeks since we returned to Esthar, and things are finally calming down. It's been business as usual since Jilly Strife's funeral three days ago. I feel really bad for Zell, and I'm lucky he doesn't blame me. He's been really down since the services, and I plan to visit with him later, just to cheer him up a little. The day of the funeral, he got crocked on Sylkis and hasn't been right since. 

Squall won't leave me alone lately. I don't know why I want to avoid him, but I do. It's not that I don't love him anymore. I just don't know if we were ever meant to be together. I'm afraid to go back because I don't want to be hurt again or ignored in all the time. He resigned his command, but that doesn't mean things will change. I can't explain it because I don't really understand my reasons. Maybe it's because of Adel and her heartbreaks. After all, my father abandoned her, and she returned the favor by attacking Galbadia. I don't want to be the next to do something like that. Or maybe it's because of Seifer. I don't want to have to tell Squall that story. I don't want to see his reaction. 

"Hey there," Irvine says as he leans against the door frame. "Can I come in?" 

"Sure," I reply and place my pen on top of my notes. "What's up?" 

He closes the door behind him, which seems weird. Has he come to urge me back to Squall? He sits down and tips his hat back on his head. "I just came by to tell you that Selphie and I are getting married." 

"That's great!" I exclaim, and I mean it. "When?"   
  
"A couple of months," he replies. "Selphie's gone on a rescue mission, and she wanted me to ask you if you'd be her Maid of Honor." 

"I'd like that, Irvine," I say. "I'm so happy for you guys!" 

"Thanks, Rinoa. That means a lot." 

"What about Selphie? Will she still be a SeeD?" 

"No. Squall's making her head of Student Affairs. She's really happy about it." 

"No doubt she'll love it. She can plan festivals to her hearts desire." 

"Count on it," he says and takes off his hat. "Um, there was something else I wanted to ask you." 

Uh, oh. Here it comes. He's going to lay into me about Squall. I guess I should have expected it. 

"Have you told Squall about Arden?" 

Shock. 

How did he know? I haven't told anyone. 

"I, uh, I saw you heal him," he says, "and Selphie filled in the blanks." 

"But how did she know?" 

He laughs. "She's a sorceress. She knows things." 

"Oh," is all I can say. 

"Does he know?" 

"No." 

"Are you going to tell him?" 

"I don't know." I'd been debating this since we returned. There was no question of me keeping him. That was a given. He was my child, and I loved him, and there was no way I was going to part with him. "But don't you dare go and tell him, either." 

"I won't, Rinoa, but he has a right to know." 

I sigh. "Irvine, did it ever occur to you that Arden may not be Squall's? Adel did a lot of things I'd never do, so there's no telling what she did with me while I was under her control." It's partially a lie, but I don't feel up to explaining things to Irvine either. The less he knows the better. 

He scratches his head and looks uncomfortable. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to assume." 

"Who else knows?" I ask. 

"Well, I thought that Zell knew, but he hasn't said a word about it to me, so it's just Selphie and I." 

"Can I trust you to keep it a secret?" 

"Yeah," he says, "but I don't like the idea." 

"Just for now, all right?" I plead. 

"All right, you win," he says. 

"Thanks," I reply, relieved. This is something I don't really want to talk to Squall about. I would have to explain. 

It's then that I begin to think seriously about leaving Garden. I love it here, but eventually everyone would know that I was carrying a child. I don't know if I could answer all the questions, or if I'd be able to face Squall and tell him the truth about what happened between Seifer and I. 

After Irvine leaves I return to my paper work. It's hard to focus, and I'm feeling a little nauseous. I'm not supposed to have coffee now, but I dared one cup earlier and it's really bothering my stomach. 

"Rinoa, you have a call on line one," Anaya calls through the open door. 

"Thank you!" I call back and pick up the receiver. "Rinoa Heartilly speaking." 

"Rinoa, it's Seifer."   
  
  


Who would have thought bad-ass, no holds barred, balls-to-the-wall Seifer Almasy could fall in love. It sounds like a joke, doesn't it? It sounds like I've gone soft. 

Truth is, I have. 

Cid set me up in an apartment in Balamb after we returned. It's not a bad place. Smaller than my house in Dollet, but it's cozy in a way. Cid wouldn't let me join SeeD, and that's all right. I got a job on the docks hauling fish. It's not the best job I've ever had, but it pays the rent and it keeps me busy. I don't know if I'll stay in Balamb, though. I'd like to travel some, see the world. 

Today's my day off. I could be spending it doing something worthwhile, but all I've done since I woke up this morning is stare at the phone, trying to build up courage enough to call Rinoa. I need someone to talk to, and she's the only one who might possibly understand me at this point. Add to this the fact that my feelings for her have only grown since we returned, and it makes it difficult to actually pick up the phone and make the call. 

I take a deep breath and dial her office number, the one she gave me a few weeks ago, and wait impatiently as it rings. When the secretary picks up, I almost put the phone back in its cradle. "Rinoa Heartilly's office, this is Anaya, how may I help you?" says the bored sounding voice on the other end. 

"Uh . . . may I speak to Rinoa please?" 

"Your name?" 

"Just tell her it's a friend," I say. I get the feeling if I told this receptionist who I really am, she'd hang up on me in an instant. 

"Hold please," she says and I'm treated to a instrumental version of Eyes on Me. 

"Rinoa Heartilly speaking." 

"Rinoa, it's Seifer." 

"Is everything all right?" she asks sounding concerned. 

"Yeah, everything's fine. I just . . . wanted to call and say hello. Are you all right?" 

"I'm fine," she says and hesitates. "Seifer, why are you really calling?" 

"Feeling lonely, I guess." 

"Strange to be back, isn't it?" 

"Yeah," I say, unsure of what else to say or why I'd even called. "How is everyone else?" 

"They're fine . . ." she says. "They won't leave me alone, though. They think they need to keep checking up on me, like I'm going to freak out on them again. It's driving me nuts." 

I pause and work up the guts to ask her out. "Hey, Rinoa, you wanna join me for a drink later? After you're off work?" 

"Uh, yeah. I'd like that," she says. "I don't drink anymore, but I'd be happy to keep you company." 

I'm surprised she's agreed and I can't stop the grin that spreads across my face. "I'll meet you at eight, then?" 

"Eight is good." 

"Good." 

"Seifer?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Thanks." 

"What for?" 

"For being a friend." 

Rinoa considering me a friend after all the shitty things I've done is the greatest gift anyone's ever given me.   


  
  


_Two months later . . . . ._

"I can't believe I'm getting married!" Selphie exclaims as I put the finishing touches on her hair. A few spritzes of hair spray and all that's needed is the veil. She looks beautiful in her gown which gradually changes from white to sunshine yellow at the hem and is adorned with tiny seed pearls. Her cheeks glow and her brow is dotted with beads of perspiration. Gently, I blot them away. "I don't know if I'm ready for this," she says, "am I crazy? Maybe I'm too young. Maybe we should wait a few more years and see how we feel. What if we're making a mistake and we end up hating each other?" 

"That won't happen, Seffie," I tell her and I take the veil from it's box. Like the dress, it is white at the crown, but ends up yellow at the end of its train. "You've just got the jitters." 

"Seriously, Rinoa, I'm scared. What if this is a mistake?" she cries and begins to wring her hands. 

I sigh and pour her a glass of white wine. She's already had three glasses, and probably shouldn't indulge in a fourth, but she's less hysterical now than she was an hour ago. "Here, have another glass," I tell her, "and don't you dare spill it on your dress." 

It's funny. With Selphie, I remind myself of Quistis. I feel like I'm her big sister, though we're only a few months apart. We've grown so close and we've tried so hard to make up for lost time. It's too bad we weren't able to grow up together, it probably would have been fun. I imagine she would have run away with me to Timber and formed the Forest Owls with me, although we probably would have been more like a pair of teen aged terrorists than a mere resistance faction. Hyne only knows where we would have ended up if that had been the case. 

Because of our powers, we have a bond that runs even deeper than the bonds we've forged as sisters. There are times when I feel her presence in my mind, and I know she's checking up on me. It used to bother me, but I'm used to it now, and I discovered a way to block her out when I want to be left alone. I can do the same with her, though I don't use it much. I know Selphie's going to be all right so I don't need to look after her like she feels the need to look after me. 

"You know, this would be easier for me if you'd have said yes when Squall proposed," she tells me and tries with trembling hands to apply lipstick. "Wouldn't that have been so nice? A double ring ceremony?" 

"Let me have that," I say and take the lipstick from her. Carefully, I paint her lips a soft pink. "And I'm not going to marry Squall just because you want me to." 

"You still love him, don't you?" she asks when I'm finished. 

"Yes, but not the way I used to. I just need some time before I jump off that cliff, ok?" 

"You're not making me feel any better, you know!" she cries. 

I couldn't help but laugh. She's an absolute wreck. Not only was she tipsy from the wine, but also so nervous she might pass out right there at the altar. "I'm sorry," I giggle. "Trust me. You'll be fine. It's just Irvine." 

"Just Irvine?! Rinoa, I'm going to be stuck with him till _death do us part_!" she cries. 

"That's right. Just relax and remember why you're marrying him." 

"Why am I marrying him again?" she says, near tears. 

"Oh, Selphie, don't cry! You'll smear your mascara." 

"Rinoa!" 

"Calm down," I say. "I'm just teasing." 

"Not funny," she pouts. 

"I'm sorry." 

"Hey, did you ever tell Squall about the baby?" she asks softly. 

"No, and I don't plan to." 

"So you're really leaving then?" 

"It's just for a little while, Selphie. I'll be back after he's born." 

"But what if it's Squall's?" she wonders aloud. "He'd want to know." 

"What if it's not?" 

That silences her and she takes a long gulp of her wine. That finishes off her glass, but I don't pour her another one. I want her to relax, not make a fool of herself. 

There's a knock at the door. "Unless you're Irvine Kinneas, you may come in!" I call out. 

Quistis enters, looking gorgeous in her bridesmaid gown of dark violet satin. Selphie had originally picked out these hideous dresses made of yellow organdy, but we protested until she let us have her way. We settled on matching spaghetti strap gowns that fell to the ankle and were slit up to the thigh on both sides. They were simple, but classy dresses. The battle was hard won, and the result was much nicer and much more flattering that vivid yellow frills and lace. "Are you almost ready Selphie?" she asked. 

"No," she cries. "Give me a couple hours and I might be drunk enough to go out there." 

I roll my eyes and arrange the veil upon her head. "You'll be fine. You're going to go out there and you're going to marry the man you love, have lots of babies and live happily ever after." 

"Is that an order?" 

"Yes, because if you don't go out there, I'll pick you up and carry you down the aisle myself," I threaten. 

Quistis peeks into the mirror and fiddles with her hair, as if she imagines every strand is out of place. "You will never guess who had the nerve to show up here." 

"I already know the answer, Quisty, and he's with me." I reply. 

I'd invited Seifer as my date, despite everyone's opinion of him. I've gotten to know him pretty well in the last couple of months. He's the only one who really understands the things I went through, and he's the only one who doesn't smother me with misguided concern. In that time, I've gotten to know the real Seifer Almasy, and there are many things to like about him, despite the things he's done. 

"He's with you? But why?" 

"I don't really want to explain right now. We have a wedding to finish," I tell her. 

Quistis clears her throat and looks guilty. "I hope you're not angry with me for coming with Squall." 

I smile at her and shake my head. "I'm not. I hope you two have a great time tonight," I say, hoping to reassure her that she's not doing anything wrong. 

The old Rinoa would have been hurt by both situations. Selphie getting married first, or at least without me, and Quistis showing up at the wedding with Squall. But I'm not hurt or angry about either. I wish them all the happiness the deserve, and then some. I want my friends to live happy lives, filled with love and laughter, and I want that for myself too. But I've come to realize that my happiness does not depend on anyone but me. I've got to do what makes me happy, and for now, I am doing exactly that. Selphie doesn't understand why I'm leaving, and I haven't told anyone else that I am as of yet. But that's what I want to do. I have to find myself again before I can think about loving anyone again, whether it's Squall or someone else. 

I don't mean to hurt anyone, certainly not Squall or my friends. But what must be done, I must do. And it's only for a while. Just a little while. 

Someone outside raps on the door and calls out, "Ladies, it's show time!" 

Selphie whimpers and I have to drag her out the door. "Let's go, Selph," I say gently. 

"Wait," she cries and smoothes her dress. "How do I look." 

"Gorgeous," I tell her. 

"Ok." she says and squares her shoulders. "Let's get this over with. I want some cake."   
  
  
  
  


I spent my morning with Zell and Squall. We went fishing down on the docks and played a little pool at the pub after an afternoon thunderstorm rolled in. Zell's been really depressed about Jilly, and I was trying to cheer him up, but it wasn't working. He spent most of the day drinking whiskey, which really bothers me. It's like he's trying to chase away the pain by drinking himself into oblivion. I know he's going through a rough time right now, but I know that he's not doing himself any favors by sucking down liqueur like that. He's got to deal with it some time, and I think he's trying to put off his grief by drowning himself in drink. 

I wanted to talk to Squall privately, but didn't get the chance until just before the ceremony. We wait in the dressing room for this thing to start, bored and getting impatient. I hope that Selphie isn't getting cold feet on me. We've already been dressed for an hour, and we were supposed to be well on our way into the after party by now. We're now trying to pass the time by playing cards. 

"I'm really happy for you guys," Squall says and he draws a card from the stack. 

"Thanks, man," I tell him. "Um, have you talked to Rinoa at all since we got back from Esthar?" 

He shrugs. "I tried, but she's avoiding me." 

So that means he doesn't know about the baby. I am disappointed that she'd keep it a secret. Hell, it wouldn't be a secret for much longer. Soon, everyone will be able to tell. I want to tell him, but I'd promised that I'd keep it quiet until she was ready to talk to him. It seems unfair, but I guess I understand her reasons. 

Still . . . 

"I wish things were the way they used to be," he said with a sigh. 

"I'm sorry things didn't work out for you two," I say. "Maybe she just needs a little time. She really went through a lot, and she might just need to work through some things first." 

"That's what I keep telling myself." 

"Rummy," I say. "So what about you and Quistis?" 

"What about us? We're just friends." 

"Well, have you ever thought about, you know," I shrug, "broadening your horizons, so to speak?" 

"I've never thought about it." 

"Maybe it's time you did." I reply. "I'm not saying that you should go out and bone every girl you see, and I'm not saying you should with Quistis, but you never know. You and Rinoa aren't together, and you have every right to see other people. Including Quistis." 

"That's what Rinoa said." 

"But, I think you should talk to her some time tonight. Make sure that's what she wants," I say. "But play it cool. Agree with whatever she says. There's an old saying, 'If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it's yours to keep. If not, it was never meant to be.'" 

"You're saying I should just give her up?" 

"Yeah. For now. She may just have a change of heart." I say. 

"You're not helping," he says. 

"Just a little friendly advice. We all hate seeing you so miserable." 

He smiles a little at this. "Who said I'm miserable? Unhappy, yes," he says, "But I know better than to mope around about things I can't change." 

"Good, because you make me wanna smack you when you pout," I tease. 

He laughs and folds his hands behind his head. "What's taking them so long?" 

"I don't know. Hope Selphie didn't run off on me." 

"Nah, she wouldn't do that," he says. "I'll go check it out." 

He leaves me alone in the room and I can do nothing but pace. Are we doing the right thing by getting married? We're only nineteen. What if our feelings for each other change in a year or so? Or ten? Is our love strong enough to last? Is this a big mistake? What if Selphie was thinking these same thoughts and got scared, like I am now? What if she changed her mind? 

_Hyne, I love her. Do what you can to see that we make this last a lifetime._

I place my hat atop my head and tug my pony tail so that it isn't caught up beneath. No matter what, I love Selphie, and I'll do what I can to make it work, through the good and bad. So long as we both shall live. 

Squall returns and grins. "She's ready." 

We take our places at the front and I glance around at everyone who has come to see us wed. 

The ballroom is packed. Everyone important to us is there, not to mention nearly the whole of SeeD. Laguna, Kiros, Ward. Ellone. Cid and Edea. Seifer. 

Seifer? What the hell?! What does he think he's doing here? "Squall?" I whisper, pointing. 

"Don't worry about it, man," he tells me. "He's not dumb enough to pull anything in a room full of SeeDs." 

I hope he's right. 

When Selphie walks down the aisle on Cid's arm, my heart pounds with pride. She is the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on. Though, I admit this whole thing has got me nervous as hell. It's hard to believe we're actually going through with this, getting married, making plans for our future. Maybe I expected something to go wrong, some delay that might set the date back or change or feelings towards one another. Not that I wanted anything to happen, I just expected that it was too good to be true. 

But it's happening. I'm too enchanted by her loveliness to even hear the words the pastor speaks. He has to prompt me to say my vows. In my nervousness, I drop the ring and it rolls away from me. I fumble for it, retrieve it, but then I try to put it on the wrong hand. 

She giggles. 

"With this ring, I thee wed. I promise to love and care for you, to honor and respect you, through the best and the worst of times, for all the days of my life." My voice trembles when I say this, and despite myself, I feel my eyes tear up. 

I barely hear what Selphie says. All I can do is stare into her beautiful green eyes as she slips the ring upon my finger. Her eyes meet mine and she throws herself at me before the pastor even has a chance to say, 'you may now kiss the bride'. I'm nervous no more, only happy that she's my wife. 

Everyone is on their feet, clapping. The chairs are cleared away quickly, and large buffet tables rolled in. "Can we start the honey moon now?" I whisper. 

She giggles. "Not till I have some cake." 

"Would you settle for cake in bed?" 

"Horn dog," she teases. 

"For you, always." I say. All I want to do right now is take her to my room and make it official. The hell with everything else. 

"Be patient, Irvie," she chides. "There's plenty of time left. For now, it's time to paaarty!" 

The reception dinner seems to pass in a blur. I don't even hear Squall's toast and I don't pay attention to who caught the bouquet. I'm too busy looking at my Selphie. 

Selphie's had her cake and our first dance as a married couple has just finished. She wants to socialize a little before we leave, so I do a little of my own. 

"Congratulations, man," Zell says and shakes my hand. He reeks of whiskey. I make a mental note to talk to him once I'm back from the honeymoon. 

"Thanks," I say. "Have you seen Squall?" 

Zell points to the dance floor, where Squall waltzes with Quistis. "Can you believe it?" he asks. 

"Not so hard to believe," I reply. 

"Sure is weird seeing the two of them together." 

It doesn't seem weird at all to me. What I see is two people enjoying themselves. As they dance, they talk, and Squall even laughs a little at something Quistis has said. And Quistis, she's always loved Squall, and it's never been a sisterly love, as she's claimed in the past. I know that for sure. I see this as an opportunity for the both of them, and maybe something will come out of it that's far greater than what Squall and Rinoa had. 

Or maybe not. Maybe they're meant for one another, as we've always thought. We'll all just have to wait and find out I guess.   
  
  
  


"Did I tell you that you look beautiful tonight?" I whisper in Rinoa's ear as we dance. I never imagined that Rinoa would allow this to happen, that she'd accept me as completely as she has. Her presence in my life has given me a damned good reason to change. News that she's expecting and that it might be mine has given me a new outlook on life. Once upon a time, I thought it was a crime to bring a child into the world, as screwed up as this world is, but now I'm not so sure. The thought of myself as a father puts a whole new spin on things. 

There's still a chance that Squall's the father, and I'm all right with that. I told her I'd help her raise it, regardless of who's it was. She just smiled at me and got that distant look in her eyes, like she was somewhere else. But I meant it, and I hope she knows that. 

"So, you're really leaving?" I ask when she doesn't respond to my comment. 

"Yes." 

"I meant it when I said I'd go with you," I tell her. I don't want her to leave. If she goes, I'll be pretty much on my own here. I've made some reluctant friends at my job, but they don't understand me like she does. 

"I know you meant it," she says and gives me a small smile. The song has ended and she pulls away. She looks up at me with a pair of the saddest brown eyes I've ever seen. "I've got to go talk to Squall." 

"Wait," I say and pull her close again. "There's something I need to tell you. Maybe it doesn't matter, but for what it's worth, I love you." 

That smile teases the corners of her lips for an instant. "I know," she whispers and pulls away. "I'll be back in a little while." 

When she walks away from me, I feel as if I've lost her forever.   
  
  
  


  
It's been so long since I looked up at the sky and admired the heavens. I think that first night home with Rinoa, as we watched for falling stars may have been the last time I truly looked up at the sky. I don't remember it being so beautiful. And if I know Rinoa, it won't be long before she too ends up out here to do this very same thing. 

Rinoa's been so different since we returned. She's been distant, a lot like I used to be. She doesn't smile much anymore, and I worry that she's permanently changed. It's as if part of her died with Adel. It's like Adel has taken the most essential pieces of Rinoa's spirit with her to the grave and left Rinoa with the inability to express herself any longer. I worry about her. It's lonely being someone like me, unable to speak from the heart, unable to say the things that matter. 

Even so, it's not so important that she and I are not together anymore. All I truly wanted was for her to be safe and healthy, though I miss what we once had, and I need her more than I could ever begin to tell you. I would give anything to have all that back. 

What I don't understand is why she came here with Seifer. I want to be angry about that, but I can't bring myself to be. Maybe it's because he makes her happy. She's spent a lot of time with him lately, and he's the only one who seems to be able to make her smile. And I saw the way he held her on the dance floor. He loves her, too. Maybe as much as I do. I can't blame him for that. Perhaps he's able to say what's on his mind. Perhaps he's already told her that he loves her, something that I was never able to do when it mattered. 

If I thought she loved me at all, I'd fight for her, but I don't think she does anymore. 

As I expected, she walks up to the rail beside me and looks up at the sky. She's beautiful in the moonlight with yellow and purple flowers woven through her long flowing hair. And that dress looks amazing on her. 

If the situation were different, I'd take her into my arms and never let go. But reality is a painful thing. I'm reminded of all that has happened, and how this situation started in the first place. 

I watch her face carefully as she stares out at the night, her face upturned to the sky. Her eyes have lost the glow they once had, as if the passionate fire I saw there once has burned itself out. There's no life in them anymore. Her face is different too. It's lost the girlishness, the innocence and has been replaced by more mature features. I guess it's to be expected. She's been through so much, and much of that, I put her through. I'm not entirely to blame, but I'm not entirely innocent either. 

As I stand beside her, in almost the exact spot where we shared our first kiss, I know there's no going back. 

"Say something," I finally manage. 

She sends a quick glance my way, then returns her gaze to the night beyond. "What do you want me to say?" her voice is devoid of emotion. 

I hang my head, trying hard not to let tears form in my eyes. 

There's so much I want to say to her now, but as usual, the words won't come out. I now realize how hard it must have been for her to deal with my silence in those last months. I realize how much it must have hurt her to try so hard and be rewarded with so little. "I'm sorry." I finally say and I lean heavily against the rail. "I'm sorry for everything." 

"Yeah," she replies. "Me too." 

A cheer erupts from inside the ballroom. The happy couple must be on their way to begin the honeymoon. It occurs to me that this might have been our wedding night, too, if things hadn't gotten so screwed up. 

I sigh and wipe hair out of my eyes, frustrated. "What can I do to make things right between us again?" I ask, though I know there's nothing I can do. 

"Squall, don't," she says. She sounds a little sad. "It's over between us. The sooner you accept that, the easier it'll be for both of us." 

"Rinoa, I love you!" I cry. "I know I messed up, but please, just give me a chance to make it up to you. I know we can make things work." 

"Squall, please don't do this," she whispers, tears finding their way into her eyes. "It's over." 

She says these words gently but they stab at my heart with as much force as if they'd been spoken callously, as if they'd been meant to hurt me. 

Bitter, I say, "It's Seifer, isn't it." 

"No." she replies and pushes away from the railing. "I've got to finish packing." 

"You're leaving?" I ask, startled. I knew nothing of this. 

"I've got to clear my head," she replies and brushes a few strands of hair from her face. "I need some time to think." 

"When will you be back?" 

"I don't know," she whispers. "A couple of months, maybe." 

I don't want her to leave. "But where will you go?" I'm afraid that once she's gone, she won't come back. 

"I can't tell you," she replies, and she won't meet my gaze. 

Gently, I take her face in my hands and duck my head so that she's forced to look me in the eyes. "What's going on? What aren't you telling me?" 

"Nothing," she says and pushes my hands away. "I've really got to go now, Squall." 

"Promise me you'll come back," I plead. 

"I'll come back," she says and gives me a quick peck on the cheek. 

As she pulls away, I grab her wrists and pull her to me and wrap my arms around her in a tight embrace. "I love you, Rinoa. I always will." 

I release her and she turns away. "I know." she says softly and disappears through the doors of the ball room. 

And just like that, she walks out of my life. I know she was lying when she'd said she'd be gone a couple of months, but maybe she didn't want to hurt me by telling me the truth. I know that I might not see her again, and that thought is more frightening than the thought of having to face Ultimecia again. 

As she disappears through the doorway, I realize that she's leaving me without saying goodbye. 


	17. Epilogue

**BROKEN WINGS**

**_A FFVIII Fan Fiction_**

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**EPILOGUE**

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_He hasn't heard from her in six months. She'd promised to call, to write, but each day when he checks the mail, there was not a single letter or post card from her. Each time the phone rings, he hopes it will be her, but it never is. Disappointing. Depressing. He finds it hard to believe that she doesn't care anymore and he feels abandoned by her. He's torn between loving her and hating her._

_Presently, he sits in a bar somewhere in Deling City, lamenting her abscense from his life. So many questions and no answers to any of them. He tries to chase away her image with whiskey and cigarettes. He tries to excorcize her from his heart by bedding other women. These things make her go away for a while, but inevitably, her ghost comes back to haunt him._

_"Why so glum?" the bartender asks when she refills his glass._

_"Why not?" he replies._

_The girl eyes him seriously for a moment then shakes her head sadly. "You look like you've lost your best friend."_

_"You could say that," he replies._

_"Feel like talking about it?"_

_"No."_

_"You sure? You really look like you need somebody to unload on. Might as well be me. I've heard it all."_

_Despite himself, he begins to talk. He tells her the whole story, from beginning to end. When he finishes, the bartender is sympathetic. She takes him to her apartment after the bar closes and tries her best to comfort him. When he has his way with her, he imagines that she's someone else._

_If he can't make Rinoa go away, at least he can pretend for a little while._   
  


_*********_

_As the sailboat cuts a slick path across the sea, the air tastes salty and the gulls dive and circle above. They are going nowhere, only out to sea where they will only have one another to keep company with. For the first time in months, she feels the calm that she's been seeking. It's a surprise that she can leave everyone and everything behind without regret, but at present, she only regrets not doing this sooner. She needs time to sort things out, time to regroup. Dealing with what she's done has been hard and at Garden, there would have been no space for her to come to terms with herself. They would have hovered around her, constantly questioned her as they had following the incident. Far better to deal with it on her own out here on the open seas with the wind in her hair and the sun on her face._

_She places her hand on her swollen stomach and smiles. It won't be long now. Arden will be born in less than a month and she's excited to finally meet him. He speaks to her when she's alone. Already, she knows he's special and she's glad that he will come into the world soon._

_"JIB!!!" her companion cries, and she ducks in time to avoid the boom, which might have swept her overboard if she were less experienced a sailor. There's a rippling sound as the sail fills with the wind that pushes the ship along on it's steady course._

_"Give me a little more warning next time, will you?" she calls out to her companion._

_"Sorry, babe," he says as he approaches and gently caresses her belly. "Hey, kid," he tells the bulge and bends down to give it a kiss. "Did you know your mother's the most beautiful woman in the world?"_

_"Don't lie to the kid," she says, and teases his lips with her fingers. He rests his cheek against her stomach and closes his eyes for a moment, a peaceful smile on his lips. He's changed as much as she has, and she's filled with a quiet sense of belonging and love as his eyes peer up at her. When he stands, his arm encircles her waist and he draws her close._

_"So where are we going this time?"_

_"Does it matter?" she asks._

_"Not as long as I'm with you."_

_She blushes and takes his hand in hers. Their eyes meet, and she's certain she made the right decision. They belong together, the hell with the rest of the world._

_"Maybe one day we can go back to Balamb, after the baby's born," he suggests._

_"No," she says and stares out at the saphire colored ocean ahead of them. "Let's just sail for the rest of our lives."_   
  
  


_*****Fini*****_

  
  
  


Stay tuned for the sequel, "Oceans Apart." If you haven't read what's already up, be warned, it's a different kind of story..... 

Thanks for reading, and thank you for reviewing. 


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